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11 Unacceptable Uses For Facebook’s New Colorful Status Backgrounds

If your mom wouldn’t hang it on her fridge, it doesn’t deserve a colorful background.

If you use Facebook, you’ve no doubt noticed their new colorful status background options—meant to give a little extra pop to certain statuses. But is just any status worthy of such an honor, or should these be reserved only for a certain class of status? Just because you’re late to figuring out these colorful status backgrounds doesn’t mean you should overuse them to make up for lost time. Resist the urge, people. Most of the ways you want to use these are not only wrong, but completely unacceptable in a civilized society.

The Request to Chill

NO! Just no. You have to ask yourself before using this feature, “Would I frame this status on my wall?” If not, post it as a normal status, not as a motivational poster.

The “What’s for Lunch” Status

Ok, this shouldn’t even be posted on Facebook in any form. If it shouldn’t be on Facebook at all, should you post it as an epic status? Think about it.

The Ranter

Ok, let’s break this down. You’re not just texting and driving, you’re not even just Facebooking and driving, you are going all out with a colorful Facebook status and driving. Are you sure the driver who cut you off is the idiot here? Just saying…

The Obligatory Goodnight Status

No no no no NO! Facebook spends millions of dollars developing and rolling out this amazing feature for those with something meaningful to say and you’re using it to let everybody know you’re going to bed? If your mom wouldn’t hang it on her fridge, it doesn’t deserve a colorful background.

The Direct Message to a Friend

This is just wrong on so many levels. Again, I ask you. WOULD YOU FRAME THIS ON YOUR WALL?

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The Lost Phone PSA

Alright, this one is an epidemic that’s been plaguing Facebook for some time. Ask yourself this question. Have you ever noticed one of your friends wasn’t posting statuses for a few days? Probably not. And even if you did notice, did you think anything of it? People who lose their phones are usually repeat offenders. Trust us, everybody knows you lost your phone, but nobody cares.

Written by Andrew Fischer

Andrew Fischer is the Head Writer and Editor-in-Chief of PopMalt. He is an avid follower of all things pop and Internet culture, and works as Creative Director at NURV, a boutique creative multimedia and digital marketing company. He is also the founder of The Jericho Joe.