in ,

How to Give Your Child a Unique, Celebrity-Ready Baby Name Their Peers Will Envy

If your child can find their name on a gas station keychain, you’ve failed as a parent.

Baby Naming Method 3 – “The Dictionary”

(Best For Beginner/Intermediate Namers)

Your sweet little Jesykah won’t have to grow up with friends who spell their name the same way.

This method is another way to ease into the unique name game. If your goal is primarily to frustrate everyone who tries to spell your child’s name, this is the method for you. Do you like traditional names but hate it when the coffee shop spells your name right on the first try? Problem solved. For every traditional name, there are several ways you can spell it differently so you don’t look like such a noob at the next mommy and me meeting.

Some parents have mildly attempted this method, for example, with the name “Ashley,” opting to spell it as “Ashlee,” or maybe even the more daring “Ashleigh.”  While we commend these efforts, we like to take it one step further with “Ah-Schlee” or “Ahschleigh.” You have to stay ahead of the other mommies to truly be able to revel in your unique-naming abilities.

There is a downside to this method, however. While your child will have a unique name on paper and the coveted ability to correct everyone who tries spelling their name, when read aloud, these names have the unfortunate potential to sound like their more traditionally-spelled counterparts. However, some minor changes can make your unique name sound ever so slightly different, enough that you’ll have the power to correct people when they make the mistake of pronouncing Ahschleigh like Ashley. (Our version uses a more rounded “Ahh,” and of course the drawn-out phlegmy sound in the middle.) There is no set formula to use this method; just be as creative as possible with the spelling of each syllable of your child’s name! Pro tip: add a surprise hyphen in the middle of the name to truly accentuate each syllable!

Here are some examples of names we created using the Dictionary Method:

Michael: Mykaehl, Miekelle

Randy: Randie, Rohndee

Jessica: Jhesika, Jasica

Samantha: Sahman-thugh, Sumanth-ahh

“Changing the spelling of an otherwise mediocre name is an easy way to stand out in the mom crowd and make you look like you have your life together more than you actually do,” says Baby Name Scientist and mother of three, Tihfannie Waters.

Baby Naming Method 4 – “The License Plate Game”

(Best For Intermediate to Advanced Namers)

With a baby name based on a car, your son (or daughter) will be properly set up to star in a Fast and the Furious style franchise when they are older.

This is a fun game to play on your morning commute when you’re bored and sitting in traffic. Look at the car in front of you and identify (1) the make and model of the vehicle; (2) the color of the vehicle; (3) the letters in the license plate. Take all of these variables and arrange them into a unique name. This one is best demonstrated by example:

Example 1: Dodge Neon, Blue, with license plate RIN-123

First, write out your variables in short spurts: Neon-Blue-Rin.

Then, combine those variables, adding additional syllables and vowels as needed. From Neon-Blue-Rin, we created the name Neablu-Rain. Beautiful.

Example 2: Ford Taurus, Maroon, with license plate TZD-777

First, your variables in short spurts: Taurus-Maroon-Tzd

And your combination: Taurimoon-Tazurd or Tori-Moonturd. Quite a delicate name, indeed.

This method works great as a starting point when you need to get your creative name-juices flowing and just need a little inspiration.

Pro-tip: throw in those numbers in the license plate too! “Waste not, want not,” we always say!

Pro-pro-tip: make some of the numbers silent, but don’t tell anyone until they screw up the pronunciation (don’t worry, they will).

“Typically, you will know you’ve perfected this method if it looks like you created the child’s name by slamming your face repeatedly against your keyboard,” admits Professor Grenharty Babbleschnoot, a professor at the Chicago Institute of Clever Names.

This, of course, leads us to our next method.

Baby Naming Method 5 – “Slamming your face repeatedly against the keyboard”

(Best For People With a Keyboard)

The keyboard smashing baby name method is guaranteed to give your child a name that will stand on its own throughout all of history.

“This method is pretty self-explanatory,” says high-school graduate and college applicant Trujhku Gfvelk. “My parents used this naming method with me and my sister, Nfad;gh.

For more fool-proof methods of naming your unborn children, be sure to check out Portia Zofran-Florentis’ new book, Baby Names: The End-All Be-All to Your Child’s Popularity and Future as a Productive Member of Society, available as an e-book later this year.

Like PopMalt on Facebook!
You'll see other great articles like this!

Remember, if you can find your child’s name on a keychain at a gas station, you have failed as a parent. But if your baby becomes a rapper, an actor, or a politician and doesn’t have to change his name to a “professional name” or “stage name,” you’ve done your job. As a general rule, your child shouldn’t be able to spell his or her own name until they’re in middle school.  That’s how you’ll know you’ve succeeded as a parent.

We all know the story of Rumpelstiltskin and his incredibly unique name. Imagine if his parents had named him Brian? That story would have been lame, that’s for sure.

What are some of your favorite unique baby names? Share them in the comments section below!

(Photos in this article by Andrew Fischer)

Written by Kim Easton

Kim lives in Colorado Springs with her husband and beautiful baby girl. She enjoys Netflix and seeing how many chunky-chipped chocolate chip cookies she can fit in her mouth at once.