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Discuss Your Parents & You

sunrise

aka ginger warlock
V.I.P.
I know that parenting must change your life in every way. Priorities change, your would schedule probably changes and indeed I imagine your income would be something that must be discussed.

What I am interested in though is does the way your parents raised you affect how you raise your children? Do you feel that your parents were unnecessarily protective over you and so you are less protective? Did you think when you were growing up your parents were harsh to you but now you are a parent yourself you can see why they may have been the way they were?
 

DarkWingedAngel

Registered Member
My parents are divorced and overall never seemed to be around much unless they had to be for some type of school event. I think for me that is what I do not want to do. I want to be there for my child and I want to succeed for both of us. I wouldn't want my kids to think that they are not provided for or have them see me not obtaining my goals in life because of them. I always felt like my parents never wanted to do, more with their lives because of us. They had a habit of also making promises and bailing last minute which was the worst feeling, so when I tell my kids one day that I'll be at an event or something important to them, you bet I'll be there!! So in other words my parents showed me what not to do in parenting 101~! :)
 

Vidic15

No Custom Title Exists
V.I.P.
I will raise my children just the way my parents raised me, they gave me a lot of freedom and at the same time, they were strict which has taught me a lot of lessons because they never pointed out the wrong and they let me learn from my mistakes which has benefited me. They never pushed me to do anything that I didn't want to do..except for basketball, I don't know what they were thinking?
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
My two parents were very caught up in their own mental illness, education, careers, relationships, failed relationships, that my sis and I were clearly lower priority. The consequences were that my sister ran off to an early marriage (ended after 7 years), has anger, interpersonal problems, insecurity, OCD, etc. I had anger problems, anxiety, loneliness, and self medicated for years.

I could go on forever about my parents. Bottom line though, I do most everything differently than they did. Primarily, I get involved and I am interested and present. I don't believe in "over-protective". When people use that term they are truly talking about being controlling. A parent can never protect their child as much as they would like. The world's influences are entering their heads at amazing speed. We can only hope that our own presence can combat it at some level.
 

Falconer

Registered Member
My father was a case study in Bad Parenting 101 -- emotionally and psychologically abusive (and, anecdotally, physically to my mother before I was born. And to me, depending on how against smacking your eight-year-old in public you happen to be), self-absorbed, emotionally distant, unable to communicate or empathise, manipulative, and even though I've been out from under his roof for five years now, still making pervasive, insidious attempts to screw me either around or over, without ever having the decency to say a single word to my face. Oh, and he's a stalker. He found out where I was living after I very deliberately moved and did not tell him the address, and some time later my mother (playing spy for me at the time, bless her) found photos of my house on his computer. The International Creeper Associatn should make him their damn president.

In short, I learned everything I will never do from my bloody father. Unfortunately, as I get older I can see more and more ways I'm like him -- much of it is learned response, for example, I'll react with the same cold bitchiness in an argument as I saw him doing to me, my mother and others for years, because that was all I knew for pretty much my whole childhood. I keep trying to catch those creeper instincts and take responsilbility to change my own behaviours, and I sincerely hope I'll be able to use my father's craptastic example as a good guidebook of how the hell not to bring up a kid.
 

MenInTights

not a plastic bag
The weird thing about life is we learn so clearly how not to be a parent sometimes from the examples we were given, but after we become parents we have to fight against those bad habits we were taught for the rest of our lives. If you're young and don't have kids or have small kids write down on a sheet of paper: I WILL NEVER......... You'll need that sheet as soon as you start having kids.
 

Babe_Ruth

Sultan of Swat
Staff member
V.I.P.
When or if I do end up having kids I'll take a few things from my parents, mostly the way they made me treat money which in the long haul helped me big time. That said, there's a lot of things that my father did that I won't instill on my own children. We just have different mind sets on things, and I rather teach my kids the way I feel that my dad should have taught me.
 

Hiei

The Hierophant
I could go on and on with a sob story about my parents and how they've wronged me. But all in all, all that I have to say is that some people are who they are because of their upbringing, and some people are who they are in spite of their upbringing.

I'm going to do my best to actively not be like my parents. That's the thing, though. We'll all default to acting like our parents because that's how we were raised. It'll take a very conscious effort to not be like them.
 

Millz

Better Call Saul
Staff member
V.I.P.
I could definitely see myself using some of the things my parents did to me on my own kids. I'd like to think that I turned out pretty well so hopefully I could have the same effect on them.

But to be honest its not something I've thought about that extensively.
 
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