your opinions please

Discussion in 'Advice Board' started by cheese118, May 31, 2008.

  1. cheese118

    cheese118 New Member

    hi please could i have opinions on my brother and i future problem.

    I am a 58 years old and live with my husband and son i have been a good daughter all my life to my mum and visited her twice a week since leaving home to get married at 18.

    My brother is 56 and has never left home or married he lives with my mum in a 3 bed house which is payed for by my dad who has passed away years ago, he has been my 85 year old mums carer for 6 years now with the help of carers who come in 3 times a day to wash change mum ect, i do what i can, i do there house cleaning change mums bed do mums washing and get her medication from the chemist mum is in bed most of the time and she has dementia she lives on ensure drinks and a weetabix for breakfast.

    Most of my brother life he has been unemployed mum did everythink for him until 6 years ago, when she was took ill my brother was unemployed when he became mums carer 6 years ago.

    My brother gets carer allowance of £50 a week and mum lets him have her i think about £48 attendance allowance and whats left from her pensions ect for him looking after her all in all he get about £250

    Mum has not made a will and she is not up to making one now because of her dementia, In that case my brother and i are entitled to by law 50% of mums house each (which is all she has to leave ) i would not expect my brother to sell the house he lives in so he could give me my share as mum would like him to live there when she is gone and my brother wants to still live there too. The likelihood of him getting a job to pay me my share so he could remortgage the house to pay me are not good. I would not expect him to give me 50% of the houses value as he has been looking after her and i am grateful for him doing that and i would like him to have mums house.

    Since being mums carer my brother told me he has saved up £28000 (in his bank account) out of what was left from mums pension works pension ect (when the house bills were paid) plus he has spent during that time about £10.000 on ebay on vintage items that he says he will be able to sell to get money in the future. I feel because of these circumstances that it would be nice if he could give me some. What do you out there think?

    Do you out there think i am being unreasonable to want some of my brothers savings if not how much would be fair for me to have of mums money my brother has in his account, or should he have it all for looking after mum?I have a feeling that he wants to keep the money he has.
    I am grateful that he has been looking after her and that she didnt have to go in a care home as she would have hated it if she did.

    Just to say If my brother could not cope in the future and we had to get a paid carer in to help him i would like him to pay out of the savings he has saved out of mums left over money for it, i feel that even though it is in his bank account it came from my mum so it should be used for mums care. What do you think? My mum is my main concern and i would not mind if my brother had nothing left for me out of his savings when and if the time comes. .

    By the way there is only my brother and i in this family.
    Please asked any question about the message that you don't understand i will be only too happy to answer them.
    Thank you for looking. Hope i can get some of your views on our situation.
     

  2. Bananas

    Bananas Endangered Species

    That is quite a quandary you are in.

    It is not unfair that you feel you are entitled to some of the finance. I do not know a great deal about inheritance but I guess as the money is in your brothers account it is exempt from the solicitors(and taxmans) knowledge so is also excluded from the 50/50.

    The house is a different matter though and you should hold your ground here and not be so generous and considerate. You will rightfully own half of it and are entitled to it to. It may be your brothers home but it is still your equity that I am fairly certain would be of better use to you elsewhere.

    Does your brother realy need a three-bed house? Although you have expressed that you are content on him living there, technically he can not afford to live there unless he can afford to pay you rent or buy your share. You need to make it clear to your brother that you expect some kind of financial gain by allowing him to remain at the property.

    I really think you need to speak to a solicitor, they will not help you on the moral dilemma with your brother but they should help with all the ins and outs of possible solutions.

    Once you are clear on what is what legally then approach your brother, have a sit down and come to some amicable arrangement together but don't be too generous as it is your entitlement too.

    -----

    My family had a similar situation where my uncle(50+) was still living at the my grandmothers when she passed away, she had it written into her will that the house could not be sold if any of the children still lived there (she made this as she had her last daughter quite late in life and not changed it when she moved out). This effectively trapped the others siblings money in the house, fortunately my uncle did opt to move out and so the equity could be and was released.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2008
  3. cheese118

    cheese118 New Member

    hi thanks for you replys as my sister got £200 to herself each week after the bills were paid from my dads money money and benefits i think that as she has saved £40.000 from it then i would purpose £20.000 for her to give me as then we will each have £20.000 and if in the furture she sells the house then what is left over from the house after her buying a flat we should have half each what do you think to that.
     

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