YOU!

What do you think?

  • Its OK

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Its really good

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • It could use a little work

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Its really bad

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0
M

MayaKurama

Guest
#1
You hurt me,
Beyond repair.
I had dreams for us,
But you crushed them.
I thought you loved me,
But I was wrong.
I have feelings for you,
But you won't return them.
You are my world,
My everything,
But to you,
To you I'm nothing

Maranna Lynn Willoughby

Copyright ©2007 Maranna Lynn Willoughby
 

Kazmarov

For a Free Scotland
#3
Rhythm is good.

Cliché and topic choice is not. Keep the structure together, but be more exploratory in what you choose to write about.

Good try.
 

Merc

Certified Shitlord
V.I.P.
#5
This is painfully generic and cliched.

Like Kaz said, rythym is good but the poem itself needs some work. It's something so commonly written about and experienced in literature and poetry that it's almost difficult to read without writing a mean response (but I'm trying hard not to be).

Realize that this poem has potential but it needs to be explored and fleshed out, this is the bare skeleton, all of which needs to be covered and hidden with stronger and more substantial material.