• Welcome to the PopMalt Forums! Whether you're new to forums or a veteran, welcome to our humble home on the web! We're a 20-year old forum community with thousands of discussions on entertainment, lifestyle, leisure, and more.

    Our rules are simple. Be nice and don't spam. Registration is free, so what are you waiting for? Join today!.

“yeahhh now i'm mensturbate...”

Bubbles

I ♥ Haters
You just know you’re in for a trainwreck when someone says that. But I guess you can still read it. Or not. Whatever. I don’t really care. I need to get my beauty sleep.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: asl?

You: asl? whats that?

Stranger: age sex location

You: you want my age so you can sex me up on location???? hmmmm?

Stranger: no jus how old you?

You: ahhh i see i’m 15.... i’m young but i’s be feisty, yo!

Stranger: i'm steven from rome ;)

You: ohai im tina from pleasemolestme, canada

You: and why are you winking? what’s so “;)” about rome?

Stranger: i have 25

You: you have 25 what?

Stranger: years sorry

You: oh i see

Stranger: you like sex?

You: meh, it pays the bills

Stranger: also i

You: super!

Stranger: describe yourself

You: hmmm, well i’m 3 feet tall, i have brown hair, brown eyes, i’m fat and stumpy and i kinda look like the love child of kenny rogers and janet reno

Stranger: i'm 1,85 dark hair dark eyes

You: you sound sexy

Stranger: if you a want a pic of me

Stranger: thanx

You: no thanks. i don’t want any pictures of you

Stranger: also you?

You: huh?

Stranger: you pic?

You: nope sorry. i don’t have a camera or a computer... i’m poor :(

You: i’m so poor that i had to cook and eat my cat Sparta :(

Stranger: no sorry

Stranger: if you want a picture of me tell me the email

You: no really, man. i don’t want your picture.

Stranger: ahhhhhh ok

Stranger: i sau you vry cute

You: um, ok

Stranger: why you love sex you are so small

You: I like being ravaged by fat, sweaty , balding men who can’t make it with a woman their own age... its like i am being torn apart by a thousand tigers

Stranger: cool you are so sexy when you say so.... i'm excited

You: ooh good for you! good for you

Stranger: what are you doing in this moment

You: i’m multitasking – i’m chatting with you while i fold the laundry. oh and there’s a coke bottle stuck up my ass... it’s a long, but funny story.

Stranger: where are you in your room

You: why yes i am. how did you know? i’m standing in my window waving, can you see me?

Stranger: i wanna kiss you knees

You: oh um, okaaaay...

Stranger: why don't you take off some clothes

You: okay. here i go.....

Stranger: ohhh yeah

You: i’m gonna take off my onesie.... here i go....

Stranger: are you touching yourself

You: kinda... its kinda uncomfortable to touch myself.... what with a coke bottle lodged up my rectum

Stranger: in your little pussy ....

You: no, no, no.... the rectum is not the same as a vagina. those are two different orifices. your rectum is what you poo out of.

Stranger: i have my dick on my hand

You: oh... well, ok...

Stranger: why don't you lick it

You: your hand? ok.... ewww, it tastes salty... and moldy.... like day old tuna

Stranger: ahhhhh now i'm vert excited i wanna lick your tits

You: oh no

Stranger: what

You: i don’t have tits.... they haven’t come in yet.

Stranger: yeahhh now i'm mensturbate

You: dont you dare menstruate yet bitch!!!

Stranger: ok

You: just hold it

Stranger: ok

You: if you menstruate then there is a good chance that we will get pregnant and i’m not ready to be a parent. I would rather have aids than a roman baby

Stranger: lol

Stranger: how is your pussy

You: wet and full of crabs... like the atlantic ocean

You: and my butthole has a bottle of soda in it

Stranger: ahhhh

Stranger: ahhh yes

Stranger: ahhhh yeahhh i want you

You: oh you! who doesn’t want me?

Stranger: i wanna lick your body

Stranger: your pussy

You: you probably shouldn’t. i’m full of disease and i can’t give you a free test drive.... my pimp treshawn will kill me

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: come here and sit on my dick

You: yay!

You: do you want to hear what I want for christmas now?

Stranger: i wait

Stranger: yeah

You: ok, i want a barbie dream house play set, some pretty pink shoes, a pony named buttercup and a vibrator

Stranger: ahhhh all in your ass

You: um i don’t think barbie will enjoy it in my ass... and i don’t think a pony will fit in there either

You: and i dont put my shoes there, they go on my feet

You: then maybe in your ass...

You: if you're lucky

Stranger: lol

Stranger: why don't you send to me some photo sexy of you

You: i told you i can’t. i don’t have a camera! why are you mocking my poverty???

Stranger: :(

Stranger: tell me more

You: more what? about how piss poor i am? about how i had to eat my poor little kitteh because i was starving? hmmm? Or maybe you wanna know about how i have to bathe and shit in the public park because i have no indoor plumbing? Is that what you wanna hear, mr. moneybags?

Stranger: no....

Stranger: what you do with me?

You: ohhhhhhhh. well, i’d like to sodomize you, if that’s ok?

Stranger: no

You: damn you

Stranger: i don't like it

You: too bad, its super fun

Stranger: for you

You: yes, thats the poing, right?

You: err i mean point lol my fat little fingers make typos

You: hello? you there?

Stranger: sorry i was do soemthinh

You: ok...

Stranger: i wanna cum with you

You: okaaay... but i’m not really turned on so i’ll have to fake it

Stranger: ahhh ahhhhhhh

You: AHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD!!! YES!! YES! YEHEHEHEEHESSSSSS!! BOOM GOES THE DYNO-MITE, BABY!!

You: ok, so now can i ram my giant penis up your ass?

Stranger: but you are female

You: oh yes, that’s right. sorry i forgot

Stranger: really?

You: yeah. people can forget y’know. its called alzheimers

Stranger: i'm cuuuuminggggg

Stranger: ahhhhhhhhhhhh

You: ok, i’m a dude... and i’m violating your poop chute

You: can you feel it? can you feel my giant shlong poking your colon?

Stranger: fuck you

You: lol

You: don’t lie, bitch. you’re loving every minute of this, aren’t you?

You: oh, hold that thought, i’m about to blow a load in your ass.

You: oh god this is better than when my gym teacher forced it on me

You: see? its better when you relax and just let it happen, don’t clench your anus so much

Stranger: who is the girl tina?

You: oh that? thats just some bitch i killed. I chopped her up into pieces and buried her carcass in my backyard

Stranger: sick you are sick

You: moi? sick? more sicker than a 25 year old douchebag who likes to have sex with 15 year old girls? come on, cupcake... don’t pull that righteousness shit on me. i eat retards like you for breakfast.

You: hello?

You: omg, come back! i’m not done anally violating you yet!!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Oh and for the record, I didn’t eat my cat, Sparta. He’s sitting on my lap right now.... clawing the fuck outta my legs.
 
Top