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Nanner

Registered Member
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is Not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattress's are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

Another one:

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds
all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream, "I won, I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling,
"run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner; "due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."
 
Last edited:

AngelsPeak

Wanna play?
LOL!!!!! :D I'm sharing these with the girls here at the office!!! Thanks for the laugh Nanner, I needed it!
 

1_ares_1

Registered Member
8. Don't use any punctuation.

I believe "someone" in here lives by this one! You know who I mean Doubles? Does that sound familiar to you Doubles? Well not to mention any names or anything, just asking him if he KNOWS WHO I MEAN!!! hahahahhahahahah! :lol:
 

doubles2004

Registered Member
1_ares_1 said:
8. Don't use any punctuation.

I believe "someone" in here lives by this one! You know who I mean Doubles? Does that sound familiar to you Doubles? Well not to mention any names or anything, just asking him if he KNOWS WHO I MEAN!!! hahahahhahahahah! :lol:

I have no comment.,'";:?! :lol:
 

mart1

Registered Member
I have contemplated many of these !!!.......And threatened the rest !!!! Hasn`t everyone????
 

SamusAran86

Registered Member
Those are good. I got a nice laugh out of most of them, as I would probaby do something like that lol
 

TGirl

Registered Member
19. Tell your children over dinner; "due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go." Bahahahaha hahahaha hehehe hahahah Bhahahaha

I had to copy and paste this one to print....I have the whole list on my fridge.....Hubby said that is sounds like I wrote it...always analizing everything!!! I really enjoyed this thank you for sharing...


~Trina~
 

nani1987

Registered Member
Nanner said:
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is Not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattress's are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

Another one:

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds
all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream, "I won, I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling,
"run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner; "due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."
lol these are funny, thanks for sharing them............ loved no. 19....lol gonna tell my boys when they start asking for more video games........lol
 

lostmymindwith5

Registered Member
OH MY GOSH!!! That's the funniest thing I've ever read! My kids are sitting here looking at me like I'm an idiot because I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying!
:::: running to the bathroom before I wet my pants::::
 
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