Why wait?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by AngelsPeak, Jun 21, 2010.

  1. AngelsPeak

    AngelsPeak Wanna play?

    A client’s son was killed in Afghanistan last week. I was watching the news coverage and listening to interviews from people talking about what a great kid he was. I couldn’t help but wonder how many of those same people said just the opposite when he was with the living.

    He was actually a troubled person who had gotten into quite a bit of trouble in his life. Joining the military wasn’t so much something he wanted, but something he needed according to his dad.

    All I ever heard about was the negative side of him as a person, never the positive, until now.

    Why do we as humans find it so much easier to discuss what someone has done wrong in their lives as opposed to the good? Is this you or do you try to find something good about a person, regardless of what they’ve done and focus on that?

    I think I spent the majority of my life picking people apart and pointing out what’s wrong with someone rather than what’s right. I’ve got a long way to go still, but I am changing my thinking and words and I try to say something positive about each person I come in contact with everyday, who knows what an impact a few words may have on a person’s life?

    I can’t help but wonder if this boy’s life could have been any different had he been lifted with words of praise rather than put down with words of belittlement?

  2. Rebeccaaa

    Rebeccaaa yellow 4!

    I've thought about that, too. I think people are just more honest about you whilst you're alive, and when you die, it's just respectful to only focus on the positive. It does seem odd that we're so praising of those who have passed when we were formerly of the opposite opinion, but if you think about it from the other perspective, there can be no other way really. At least, not publicly. It would be totally out of line to start slagging someone off right after they have died. Death is a sad affair no matter how 'good' the person was, and people will always pay their respects...respectfully.
  3. Kibi

    Kibi Babeasaurus Sex

    I often wonder about this myself...

    I do try and find something good about everyone and I often am proved right by people that I put my faith in...I guess this makes it a lot easier to carry on with my positivity.

    I will not speak ill of the dead but nor will I try and make out that they were perfect. It's dishonourable to their memory imo. They lived their life a certain way and regardless of who approved or not it was their choice.

    I used to be horrid and judgemental and I had a horrid and bitter life because of it I changed myself 6years ago and I will NOT look back.

    Good thread.
  4. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    To hate someone is much easier than to love someone. After all, most of us are afraid of love and we're afraid of it's depth. Hatred is a shallow pool of dry bones and acid, there's nothing complex.

    I'm sure I don't need to tell you, someone who has seen a lot more than me, that a few words can save people from death. It is curious why we focus so much on the negative, I think it partly has to do with how society grooms its people. There's nothing in our media or political process in the last few decades that has tried to show people in their positive aspects when even the tiniest shred of badness is available.

    I've personally seen someone go down that road and it really is true. Even if a person is fucking up and having trouble getting along in life, berating and discouraging them from being anything more just worsens their situation.
  5. AngelsPeak

    AngelsPeak Wanna play?

    But if you were being honest about someone, wouldn't there be some good in the person to find as well? I think it's a rare person who has no good in them at all.

    I understand why we speak well of those who have passed, I'm trying to understand why we can't do the same while they live?
  6. Rebeccaaa

    Rebeccaaa yellow 4!

    I think you're underestimating positivity. It seems to me like people are overly positive about the deceased, but neutral (as a whole) about the living. Obviously every individual case is different, but I don't believe that it doesn't all balance out in the end. I probably hear more nice words about people than otherwise.
  7. AngelsPeak

    AngelsPeak Wanna play?

    I think some of it hinges on how a person feels about themselves as well. It's a lot easier to talk down about another person if you're not happy with who you are. Society does seem to gravitate towards the conversation where someone is being berated rather than one in which it's all sunshine and glowing reports which is why the news is so depressing to watch.
  8. CaptainObvious

    CaptainObvious Son of Liberty V.I.P.

    I've thought about this so many times. I started focusing on the positive aspects of people a few years ago instead of the negative. Maybe it's because I was bullied a little in school when I was a kid but I've never been much of a person who looks negatively at people to begin with though. But I have made an attempt to be more positive in the last few years.
  9. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    Sometimes I think it's because we think we have all the time to say it. And then the person suddenly dies and we go "oh shite, I haven't told him/her that xxx".

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