Where do I stand with you: the next generation

Tucker

Lion Rampant
#1
Dear GF,

I'm having a problem, yo. Everyone I thought was a fuque-tarde here at first is turning out to be more or less solid. One after another; Wade, MIT, EWR, ice, pro, Cons... my illusions have been shattered. The heat in my breast is extinguished. And alas, the infamous barbiegirl14 is gone from us. How, now, will I keep my leonine claws razor-sharp? I need someone who genuinely dislikes me to step forward and do his or her part for society by calling me out as a right annoying herpesaurus.

Also, I sorely need an official stalker. Female preferred, but all other genders will be considered. This position requires no nudity or funny stuff, just an occasional uncomfortable moment now and then by making me feel that I'm being unduly scrutinized.

Applications for both jobs may be posted herein or forwarded to my office via PM or profile comment.

TIA,
TurkeyGiblety
 

Altanzitarron

Tamer Of The LOLzilla
#2
I don't know if what I do actually counts as stalking. If you employed my services I would collect your toe nails and hair strands and put them in a box. I would then smell them before going to bed. I will also eat belly button fluff but that will cost extra.
 

pro2A

Hell, It's about time!
#3
I don't agree with you politically, but you are respectful and I respect that. Believe it or not there are liberals on here that I like (you and Duke come to mind). If you want me to hate you start calling me a right wing neocon, xenophobic, fascist and (insert other right wing hate mongering word here) :)

Not saying to do it... just sayin ;)
 
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kiwi

The Original Kiwi
#6
I'm interested in maybe an apprentice stalker. I don't really have the time to take on the role of full time stalker, but feel I could really add some excitement to the role in lesser ways.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
#7
.

Also, I sorely need an official stalker. Female preferred, but all other genders will be considered. This position requires no nudity or funny stuff, just an occasional uncomfortable moment now and then by making me feel that I'm being unduly scrutinized.
You already have official stalkers. You're just oblivious.
 

Tucker

Lion Rampant
#8
If you employed my services I would collect your toe nails and hair strands and put them in a box. I would then smell them before going to bed. I will also eat belly button fluff but that will cost extra.
FYI, folks, this is how it's done. I'm concerned for my safety already. Alakazamatroll, Achmedinejadatron, whatever his name is, will certainly be getting a callback for a second interview.

You are a right annoying herpesaurusright™.
You can be replaced. So nyeeeah®.

I too will apply for the stalker position.
Not too sure I'll be much good but I'll give it a good shot. ;)
Don't sell yourself short, Willard. People who don't sleep tend to be naturals in the more advanced aspects of stalkericity.

I'm interested in maybe an apprentice stalker. I don't really have the time to take on the role of full time stalker, but feel I could really add some excitement to the role in lesser ways.
Keeping your app on file. You may be needed during the Christmas rush.

You already have official stalkers. You're just oblivious.
Jamais have I met le herpesseur who was not, madame.