when you're ready?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Monroe, Jul 12, 2009.

  1. Monroe

    Monroe Registered Member

    How do you know when you're REALLY ready to start having kids?

    Me and my boyfriend have talked about it. Granted we're young. Ill be 22. He'll be 25. But we've been together for many years.

    We'd rather be prepared than have a child without any advanced preparation.

    But then are we ever really ready? And im asking this question about people in general.
     

  2. Arcadoc

    Arcadoc Registered Member

    When are you planning to be married? IMO if you haven't yet prepared yourselves for marriage, you certainly aren't ready to start a family.
     
  3. Rebeccaaa

    Rebeccaaa yellow 4!

    If any couple is stable (financially, emotionally etc) and feels like a gap is missing that only children could fill, I don't see any reason why they aren't ready for kids. Within reason, obviously. But you're both young and there's plenty of time to adjust to the idea of kids before actually having them. I think it's different for any person.
     
  4. Nixola

    Nixola Boom Boom Pow!

    I think when people can commit to each other for life (it doesnt have to be through marrige - I know some people that are against marriage but still want to be fully commited to each other for life) but as long as they are commited to each other for life and they are emotionally, financially stable (as bex said) and have a house and a loving family that the child can be brought into, then I think that's the best time to have a child.
     
  5. Oooh_snap

    Oooh_snap Living on the 0th floor V.I.P. Lifetime

    I always figure that no one is ever TRULY ready for a baby. I mean if we all waited to feel completely financially stable we wouldn't have them until we were retired. I think yes, you should have sufficient income and enough saved money to be able to provide comfortably for a child. Also, you have to make sure your lifestyle and your relationship are stable enough as well. From the sound of your 2nd Chance thread, it sounds like you might want to consider waiting a bit longer to make sure it isn't just going to be an on and off thing anymore.
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2009
  6. wolfheart

    wolfheart Registered Member

    Being a parent I agree with with Snaps on this one you are never really ready for children, I was 28 when I became a father, was in a steady job earned reasonable money and had been with my partner for a while.

    Becoming a parent is about more than being emotionaly and financially succure a baby changes your life a million times over.
    You are no longer a couple you are a family unit, everything you did before the baby is put on hold, you canot do anything on whim unless you want to take your baby with you which is not always an option.

    Your life changes from the moment that little one is concieved, even more so from birth onwards, you have to plan out everything, not just the big stuff either but everyday stuff like going to see friends, before you leave the house you have to make sure you everything that is required. nappies, wet wipes, changes of clothing and numourus other things.

    I know from experiance that even a strong relationship can fail under the stresses and strains of parenthood, even if you have a large family for background support it can sometimes feel overwhelming.
    Your partner will most likely be working during the day which leaves you with baby, sleep becomes something that you breifly remember lol.

    Now after saying all that would I change it, Nope, never, no way!.
    Granted I have slept for nearly 7 years but everytime I look at one of my kids it fills me a feeling of more than just love, but a vast feeling of commitment.

    I for one do not belive that you have to be married before having children, if you have ben together for a long time then you are commited to each other a piece of paper saying your married will not make that bond any stronger IMO.

    At least you and your partner are talking about it, a lot of couples are kind of thrown in at the deep end, me included with my first.
    My mum said something to me that has always stuck in my head.
    Becoming a parent is easy,it takes one moment in time, being a parent takes the rest of your natural born life.
     
  7. Bliss

    Bliss Sally Twit

    It's not one of those things you can change your mind about half way through so you have to REALLY want it. You have to be able to support the child and you also have to be willing to put them first as they will need a lot of time, attention, love and support.
    You said in a previous thread that you and your boyfriend are always splitting up and getting back together. That's not a good relationship and it's not a good idea for a child to be born into that as it will be confusing for them as they grow up.

    Having a child won't fix your problems. You need to sort out the issues you have with your partner before you think about having children.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2009
  8. missJ

    missJ New Member

    i have to agree with bliss...
    having a child changes your life for ever, and although you adapt very quickly to having your child in your life, if you and your partner are not rock solid then this will eventually put a strain on your relationship.
     
  9. Arcadoc

    Arcadoc Registered Member

    I understand what some people are trying to say when they tell you that you don't need to be married before you start a family. IMO, they couldn't be more wrong. Conceiving a child is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make in your entire lifetime, and if you're not absolutely ready, you're making what may possibly be the biggest mistake of your life.

    Here's why I am so adamant about marriage. The world right now is full of young pregnant women, or women with young babies, who thought they could get their current boyfriend to further "commit" to them by getting pregnant. Nothing could be further from the truth. If he's not ready to marry you before you conceive, then the chances are pretty good that once you become pregnant and lose your "girlie figure" that he'll no longer find you attractive or desirable and then he's going to hit the door in search of his next conquest. You probably will never see him again after that because he'll be harder to find than a snowflake in Cuba. Then you're left holding the bag as the only person legally and financially responsible for all the expenses you're about in incur, such as prenatal care, hospital costs in the birth itself, and then raising your child for the next 18 years.
    If you're thinking that "he would never do that to me", think again, because guys all over the world do it every day of the week. Then your child is left with no legal father, because just putting the father's name on the child's birth certificate doesn't make him legally responsible. Then you have no legal stance to collect child support, and as the only custodial parent, you have very few options as to how you're going to pay all those medical costs and still support yourself and your child. That puts the obvious burden on the taxpayers, meaning you spend the next few years, if not the rest of your life, on the welfare rolls. The lack of a marriage certificate makes it hard on you, to be sure, but even more difficult on your child once he/she reaches school age.
    So before you make that jump, ask yourself: Is that what I really want?:confused: :shake:

    Alright folks. I'm off my soapbox and I have my fireproof suit on. Flame away. :lol:
     
  10. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    You can never be really ready for it but personally I made sure certain conditions were met before I have considered having kids: a stable relationship with my partner (we had kids after we got married), you must not be already suffering financially (you don't have to be rich but if you're full of debt right now, it's probably not the best time to add to your expenses by having a child), and willingness to change your current lifestyle to adjust to the life of parenthood. If you can't compromise and think your current lifestyle will be the same, you might be in for a big surprise and regret your decision to have a child.
     

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