When is divorce acceptable? Attempt #2

Merc

Certified Shitlord
V.I.P.
#1
As permitted by Steve, this thread is being started again with hopefully 100% less whining and bitching so keep the comments clean and sarcasm free.

I believe divorce is acceptable when two people simply cannot function. Some may say that can be solved by having incredible foresight while other people believe in the ever changing nature of the human mind (thus meaning it's impossible to predict long term). I personally believe it to be highly possible for people to change and I have a few examples.

People pretend to be the one the other person wants
This is a big problem today if you ask me. The "just be yourself" sentiment may be stale, cheesy and overly Disney for some people but that does not change the fact that it's true. If the girl/guy you want desires an extrovert and you're more of an introvert, don't force yourself to change. Change should be natural. This can also cause problems because people's natures will eventually overcome their facades meaning they will eventually see the true you (an introvert in this situation) and probably be turned away not only by having an incompatible nature, but for lying to them. People wear costumes to attract the mates they want but slowly remove them hoping for the person to still love and care for them and it's not a great idea. Go ahead and say that someone who truly loves someone will accept them no matter what, but it's simply not true. If you fall in love with someone and then they change so drastically, aren't they not the same person you fell in love with?

Living together & marriage
Yes before someone bitches that I'm not married nor living with a significant other, I've seen enough of it (and live with parents who have dealt with some struggles) to at least comment on it. The atmosphere is different once you begin your life with someone else. Basically the point here is that some people just aren't ready or aware of what they got themselves into.

Another acceptable situation is when one parent is damaging their child(ren). As another user here pointed out (EXQ I believe, maybe) divorce can be a great relief for some children rather than a salted wound as it can be.

So what do you think? When is divorce acceptable? Remember this thread is about divorce, nothing else.
 

KiethBlackLion

Registered Member
#2
Well, here we go again. Well, I believe that there are cases in which divorce is completely acceptable. Below are a few examples to support this belief.

Fisrt off, I'm 26 and my parents got divorced when I was 5 years old. According to Virginia law, they were seperated from each other for a year before the divorce could be finalized. My parents and grandparents did nothing to hide this from me (as opposed to some parents feel the child is too young or can't handle it). Though I didn't fully understand it, I was able to deal with it because I was told what was happening. There were no long court battles, no custody battles (my father gave custody to my mother and she gave joint custody to my grandparents). For me, the divorce was clean and quick (as quick as the law would allow). The only downside was that I haven't seen my father in over 20 years, but it's been his choice not to visit as he did have visitation rights. So personally speaking, nothing truly negative has happened to me because of the divorce and my mother remarried and I have 2 wonderful little sisters.

My second example involves one of my previous bosses. When she got married she saw nothing wrong with her husband. It took her almost 15 years of marriage before she realized how crazy (I'm talking medically/clinically) her husband was. He had major bi-polar issues as well as other mental issues. This caused him to be swing from incredibly nice to incredibly violent and he was physically abuse her. After seperating from her husband and starting to the divorce paperwork, she was shot twice by her estranged husband. After the shooting, he called her mother up bragging that he shot her and threatened to kill their 4 children. Thankfully, she survived and her estranged husband was arrested and is now in jail. Their divorce was finalized late last year. In this case, my previous boss filed for divorce because her life and her children's lives depended on it. Just because she made a vow does that mean she should stay if it might cost her life? I don't think so. Her divorce, in my eyes, was completely justified.

My third example involves a previous co-worker. He and his wife were married for a few years when she cheated on him with her boss. He wanted to work things out but she didn't want to be with him any more, despite the fact that they had a child. Because of the betray of trust and the fact that his wife no longer wanted him, my friend filed for divorce. It wasn't something that he took lightly. There were days at work where he could barely function because of how much he hurt. He loved his wife but there was no other choice than to get the divorce. That was a couple of years ago. Today he has someone who loves him and he loves her. His new girlfriend has helped to raise his child and he has talked about marrying his new love. Personally, I'm glad he got the divorce because now he has someone that loves him.

There are many reasons why people get married and many reasons why people get divorced. The news reports that half of all marriages end in divorce but rarely does the news report as to WHY the divorce rate is so high. Many assume it's because people get married and at the first sign of trouble they decide to quit and get a divorce. I don't believe that's the case. Unless you get a Vegas wedding, it's not easy to divorce someone. There's a lot of paperwork, lawyer meetings, assests that have to be accounted for and incase there are children, custody must be awarded. It's certainly something that's not to be taken lightly.

It's not always "fine and dandy" either. People sometimes get hurt. But one must look at the circumstances surrounding the divorce before judging anyone. The news doesn't tell you that a divorce was caused by domestic abuse, or because a spouse cheated on the other. The news doesn't report whether the marriage had only lasted a year, or 5 years, or 20 years. Neither my wife nor I can stand the idea of living our lives without each other. That's why we agreed that no matter what, we would not consider divorce an option unless things got extremely desperate. But we both understand and agree that there are cases in which divorce is acceptable. We just hope we never reach that point.
 
#3
Round2!

Ok, so. Devorce is bad. I think we just need to put that out there. I dont want people to think im saying "Oh. Dude. Just marry her. If it dosent work out, you can always devorce that bitch!"

Not my opinion.

I do think, however, that people and the circumstances in which they live change constantly. Sometimes suddenly and sometimes for the worse. Now, seeing as how people are effected by their enviornment, these changes in their circumstances can change them as a person.

If the person you love is no longer the person sharing your little one room flat, you are going to be miserable. You want out. You want another chance to find someone you love.

SO. What do you dew?

Get a devorce. Unfourtionately.

Why not just seperate, EX?

Well, what if you find someone else that you love and you want to marry THEM? You need a devorce first.

So yeah. This is simply an augmetation of my previous arguments which can be found in the origional thread. No link. Im lazy. Go find it yourself.
 

UnfinishedSymphon

Registered Member
#4
The first thing that I would say is that divorce is acceptable when the person contemplating it feels that it is acceptable. Secondly, saying divorce is acceptable is not the same as saying that it is right or good.

We are all born into this world and have experiences at the hands of others. We are all shaped by our life experiences. We have little power in this world when we are young and sometimes suffer negative effects from the older human (imperfect) beings we interect with. That shaped with the fact personality traits can be hereditary means that we are all a result of both various genetic and environmental factors, positve and negative. I believe that life is about overcoming those negative influences.

Some people have more negative experiences in life than others, but hopefully we all grow each day. So people change. Also you never really know exactly who another person is and can find out something years into a relationship. Sometimes the thing could have been hidden for years deliberately, or the circumstance triggering it may not have been present. Also as you get older you get wiser. And another thing to consider is that the person you married when in your twenties is not the same person when you are in your forties. Some people don't even find things out till their partner is day.

Divorce is not something that most people do on a whim. Divorce is a very difficult choice. Sometimes getting divorce makes life harder as there are extra responsibilities, diminished financial resources, stress of the process, stress of the adjustment. Dealing with pain from an unhappy relationship, dealing with confusion (both yours and your childrens), dealing with the pain of your children and yourself at the loss in your lives. Having to learn new things. Grieving, adjusting and remaining strong so that your children can feel secure, and doing all this against the jugdement of some people. It is not an easy decision and one most people would rather avoid. So it is acceptable when the person who is considering it can accept it. By this stage they have thought threw all the facts and the options available. By the time it has come to divorce the person has struggled to try and avoid it and has dealt with the guilt of making a decision that is going to hurt people they deeply care about.

Nobody has the right to judge. We are only answerable to God (if he exists) and ourselves. We might need to give explanations to others that have been directly affected by it and hope that they can forgive us for any pain we may have caused them. Only you know the full facts of your life and nobody can make a judgement until they walk in your shoes. A lot of issues abound today due to the fact that it was not possible for people to divorce. Dysfunctional homes creating dysfuntional people. Who knows those that judge might make the same decision if they fully understand you and your life.
 

Duke1985

EatsApplePieShitsFreedom
#5
Divorce is acceptable.

Two people that are miserable should be allowed to leave each other, life is far to short to be stuck being miserable.

Who benefits when miserable people stay together? No one, no one at all. I don't get any satisfaction if anyone who hates they're situation stays in it because of some preconceived notion that they can't change their situation. People change the person you married 3 years ago may have become someone you can't share your life with, so I ask why should you be stuck with it.