What I Can't Have

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by Twitch, Sep 9, 2009.

  1. Twitch

    Twitch Registered Member

    Is it weird that I only like girls that I can't have? For example, I was going out with someone, and I was at a New Year's Party with some of my friends. My girlfriend wasn't there, and my friend's friend and I were talking to each other. I thought I liked her.

    Then, I broke it off with my girlfriend, and I found out the girl from before who I am became friends with liked me. I sort of like her.. but not like before, when I was already going out with someone.

    What should I do?
    pro2A likes this.

  2. Chaos

    Chaos Epic Gamer V.I.P. Lifetime

    It's not weird, really. Humans have a natural desire for posession. They have an instinctive need, so they covet that which they don't have because they can't have it. It's like the old "Mine And Thine" thing (e.g. "What's mine is mine, and what's yours is yours - you touch mine and you'll get yours."), but the point is, they want everything to be theirs. It's....complicated, but a lot of the time it's Human nature.

    As to what you should do? Feelings change. :dunno: If you're interested in the girl, you should pursue those interests. What you should really do is imagine yourself being with her and thinking if that's what you actually want or not. Then act on what you see there.
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2009
  3. Twitch

    Twitch Registered Member

    Thanks for the quick response. I understand what you're getting at; we want everything to be someone else's so we can be envious of it and want it.

    And I should think of what it'd be like with her..
    Chaos likes this.
  4. Chaos

    Chaos Epic Gamer V.I.P. Lifetime

    Kind of, but different. You've got the right idea as to WHY we want it. But it's not that we want other people to own things that are better than what we have - it's just natural to BE envious. See, it's natural to want the things that we can't have, and when we have them it's also natural that the appeal of wanting them because you can't have them disappears because, well, you have them.

    It's a complicated reasoning but it's totally natural. :dunno:

    Just imagine what you'd feel if you were to start seeing her. Just try and visualize it and see what you feel. If it's something you want, then you should try for it. If it's not something that particularly excites you then maybe it's not something you want to try for anymore.

    (See, this is where the first part fits in - because before, you couldn't have her 'cos you were seeing someone else. Now that you CAN have her, the appeal for having her just because you can't isn't there anymore. Complicated, ain't it. :lol:

    But that doesn't you mean you don't have to want her - it's just that that particular reasoning isn't there anymore. :dunno:)
  5. Bliss

    Bliss Sally Twit

    I think it's natural to think with your head over your heart when you're younger. I mean I'm not trying to patronise you but you've got ages to find the right person for you and at the moment you're at an age where you've got explore all your options. One day you'll meet someone that you connect with on a deeper level. I can't explain it but it just happens and you'll know when you've found it. Just enjoy yourself and don't stress yourself over finding someone. I don't mean have sex with a bunch of girls - I just mean don't spend all your time pining over someone who isn't interested because there's plenty of fish in the sea.
    Chaos likes this.
  6. Jeanie

    Jeanie still nobody's bitch V.I.P. Lifetime

    I agree with Bliss.

    and to answer your OP, there's probably an element of danger/excitement there when it's something you shouldn't be doing.
  7. Wade8813

    Wade8813 Registered Member

    It's normal to want someone you can't have - it's the whole "grass is greener on the other side" thing (also, as you spend a lot of time with people, you start noticing flaws you wouldn't notice right away).

    However, if you literally ONLY want females you can't have, then yah, that's weird.
  8. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    haha ... you know .... the lack of mutual likeness is one of the reasons why i haven't been in a relationship yet.:shifteyes:
    i've always had crushes on guys who weren't interested in me, and guys i wasn't interested in have had crushes on me. i never met anyone in my life who felt the same way as me, at the same time. it has happened a guy i used to like, felt for me after 4 years ... but it was too late for me. i had no feelings for him ...

    if this is constantly happening to you , then at the moment you're running out of luck [just like me, i guess].
    but you're still too young to get upset about this. maybe you think you like those girls, but after a while you may find out you didn't really like them.
    it's like you're curious about someone who's intriguing you but after a while, she doesn't surprise you anymore, the more you know about her.

    plus, just because you can't have her now, doesn't mean you can never have her...
  9. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    The worse thing about usually wanting someone you cannot have is when you realise you don't want them anymore after you have them.

    Basically it's not the person you're attracted to really but the idea of having what seems to be impossible. Almost like a game. You get the prize and then what? xD

    Blissy is right. One day you'll find someone you can feel a deeper connection with that will overrule the other desire to have for the sake of having, because you would want to have to be something together.
  10. Rectify88

    Rectify88 Registered Member

    Bliss and Ysabel have it right. See there is a time for everything, and the thing is to always want to be able to work up to the point where you can find someone who you can cherish. I think that is the biggest thing you have plenty of time and it's a good time to see who or what person complements you. For me I'm the last of my family, after I die there is no more of us. So for me being an only child as well there is a little more pressure or a meatball hanging over my head, but I don't let it get to me because I know that one day I'm going to find her, more importantly we are going to find each other.

    It happens where you know someone and they have a girlfriend or boyfriend that really complements you and then you become attracted, and you have covetous thoughts, its just the result of that. But I think with the decision you made to not be with the girl who you were with Twitch because you wanted another, I think it's a good time for you to have that experience and that from here on out your going to be alittle wiser as it relates to making those decisions. in choosing woman I'm going to leave you with a phrase to dwell on that may help you out later on. "When you have a new flame, or when you have choices, don't go for the one who is going to kiss your ass no matter what you do, but go for the one who pisses you off every know an then bcause they care about you, love is not supposed to be easy it's supposed to be worth it."

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