What Grade would you give this essay

Discussion in 'Art & Creative' started by redsoxocd, Jan 17, 2008.

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  1. redsoxocd

    redsoxocd living on the border

    This is an essay that is due tomorrow in my english class, the question that I chose to write my paper on is:

    Show how A Raisin In The Sun deals with the generation gap- the problems that the older generation have in dealing with the younger generation and vice versa.

    Here is my paper, please tell me what you think of it:

    She'Davia Williams
    Section 51
    A Raisin In The Sun​

    Generation Plays a Role

    With each new generation of man, there comes new styles, customs, and views. Each generation is different from the one before it, and the one that will come after it. With this being said, it is somethimes extremely hard for each generation to understand the views of each other. In A Raision In The Sun, by Lorraine Hansberry, there are major generation gaps in the Younger family. The Younger family, consist of Mama, her two childern, Beneatha and Walter, Walters wife, Ruth, and thier child Travis. Here is three generations of the Younger family, all living together and having conflicting veiws. Throughout the book, many conflicts arise because of the differences in each generation with most of them being centered around Beneatha.

    One instance where the generational difference is extremely evident is when Mama and Ruth are talking to Beneatha about Beneatha's wanting to start a career before she settles down and gets married. While they are all talking about Beneatha going out with George Murchinson, a wealthy man, Beneatha states "..the only people in the world who are more snobbish than rich white people are rich colored people" (50). Mama tell her that she cannot dislike people just because they are rich but Beneatha disagrees. She then states "I'm going to be a doctor. I'm not worried about who I'm going to marry yet- if I ever get married." (50). This comes as a shock to both ruth and Mama.

    The shock that both Mama and Ruth experience is a result in their time difference from Beneatha. They are both used to the idea that women are supposed to settled down and get married young. They are then supposed to stay home and take care of the children. In some cases women had jobs but not actual "careeers". So, Beneatha saying that she wants to worry about her career and not marriage comes with the new ideas of her generation. Beneatha is motivated and does not want a man to decide her future for her. Beneatha says, "...first I'm going to be a doctor, and George, for one, still thinks thats's pretty funny. I couldnt be bothered with that" (50). She believes that women can have careers to, although many men, at the time, still considered it something to laugh about.

    The next time that the generational gap is shown is once again in a situation with Beneatha and Mama. This situation stems off of the one about Beneatha wanting to be a Doctor. Mama tells her "Course you going to be a doctor, honey, God willing" (50). Beneatha doesnt believe this. She believes that people fend for themselves. She says "There simply is no blasted God- there is only man and it is he who make miracles" (51). Mama lashes out at Beneatha about this and hits her. She then makes Beneatha say that there is a God as long as she is living in her mothers house. Beneatha does not like doing this, she then calls Mama a tyrants and states, "But all the tyranny in the world will never put a God in the heavens" and she walks out.

    In Mama's generation it was strong point to believe in God. Many people relied on God to shape what they did in their everyday lives. They didnt question what the church and the bible told them. But in Beneatha's generation people have started to have more of a free mind. They start to reconsider things that they have been told but cannot be proven. So Beneatha not believing in God is just something that is starting to be more "acceptable" in her generation. Mama doesnt accept this though, so Beneatha must live with living by her mothers rules and beliefs as long as she is living with her.

    A last example of the generational difference is not only of that, but also shows the differnce in the thoughts of men and women. George and Beneatha are just returning home from a date and Beneatha is upset by a conversation that she and George have been having. George does not like having intellectual conversations with Beneatha, he says to her "I dont go out with you to discuss the nature of 'quiet desperation' or to hear all about you thoughts" (97). Beneatha does not like this and she finally gets upset enough to break things off with George. She tells him to leave, and he does so, marking the end of their relationship.

    Although George is of the same generation as Beneatha his thoughts are stuck in the ways of the generation before him. George believes that women are meant to be seen and not heard. George also believes that education should only be used to get a job, not to actually learn and have thoughts about what you are learning. He sees education as a means to get a job and that people should be more concerned with becoming wealthy and making a name for themselves in their communities. But Beneatha believes that education should be used to understand the world, self-fullfilment, and to generate your own thoughts. This is showing that George doesnt only disagree with Beneatha on a generational level, but on a sexist level as well.

    In conclusion, generational differences, make a major impact on the way that people function everyday. They often cause conflicts because the older generation refuses to accept that things have changed. A Raisin In The Sun points of these issues very well. Although this book takes place in the mid to late 1950's society is still this way today. This problem still plays a role in society and although the younger generation is heard a bit more they still struggle to conform to the rules that the older generation has set for them. No matter what happens, things will always be this way.
     

  2. oxyMORON

    oxyMORON A Darker Knight

    I don't have much time so I just skimmed through really fast. I'll look at it more closely later.

    From what I saw...
    I would recommend not starting your last paragraph with "In conclusion" :nono:

    Try to blend your quotes better. Don't just say Susie says, "+quote". Make it sound like a real sentence so people can't tell you used a quote if you read it aloud.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2008
    Dragon likes this.
  3. dDave

    dDave Guardian of the Light V.I.P.

    i would give it a C at the best, you can never, I repeat "NEVER" begin the last paragraph with the words "in conclusion"

    also try not saying "a last example.

    this essay seems to be pretty good I actually read the whole thing, it flows nicely and it is understandable

    so here's what I would fix.

    1.There doesn't seem to be a thesis statement (the last sentence of the intro paragraph that tells what the whole paper will be about.

    2.Use quotes in a bit more of an obvious way.

    3.Indent your paragraphs. (unless you were told not to)

    4.Don't say "a last example to begin any paragraph, the reader also known as the audience will not care about knowing that and you will get graded down.

    5.Don't say "In conclusion" to go into the final paragraph, that is just asking for points being docked.

    I think that's everything, nice paper, it certainly seems to be a difficult thing to write on.

    So with what you posted I would give it a "C" but if you fix what I suggested I'd give it a 92% exactly (an A for you). since no paper is perfect, that's one thing that my English teachers have really drilled into my head over the years.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2008
  4. merob

    merob Boom!

    Just looking at it;


    You attempted to show it off, for that it seems you put in some work. B(-)
    My reason being, there isn't much of a gap (IMO) among the Younger children. Moma, is a slave descendant. Walter, her first child, probably doesn't realize the extent(s) of his own abilities for that very reason. He feels trapped in this imaginary box, as if he can't do anything but what he's told, probably because of the way he was raised/prepared. His sister seeks a higher education - she see's some truths - and separates herself for the wrong reasons... because... becoming educated she feels isolated from everyone else and seeks more ways to isolate herself in order to fit into where she belongs. Travis sees life as a normal American and seeks a normal life. Moma sits back and watches in amazement, and she's proud.

    The gap between everyone in that story isn't found in their age, because Walter - travis seem to be between the same gap. However the difference is in their ideals.

    You worked hard. Anything less then B is probably a bit harsh. I'm assuming your in HS.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2008
  5. redsoxocd

    redsoxocd living on the border

    thanks guys, i need to go to bed, so i'll revise it in the morning and during my lunch period and post up my final result. Thanks for all of your suggestions.
     
  6. Swiftstrike

    Swiftstrike Registered Member

    A "F" simply for the fact you mispelled the book's title in the opening paragraph. I stopped reading after that.

     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2008
  7. redsoxocd

    redsoxocd living on the border

    thats a bit harsh swift, but anyways, i corrected all of my mistakes during my lunch period but forgot to email it to myself so i cant post my new results. But thanks for the help
     
  8. Ymir-GF

    Ymir-GF Registered Member

    Without knowing the grade level, I would be inclined to say this is grade 9 or 10 level and is worthy of a C+ at best, though likely a C. I do hope you fixed all your spelling and grammar errors.
     
  9. Kazmarov

    Kazmarov For a Free Scotland

    You may have turned it in already, but I'll add my opinion so you can keep it in mind for future essays.

    I'd say it is a D paper for a variety of reasons.

    Firstly, it is very poorly proofread. Spelling is often incorrect, there was an instance where "ruth" was not capitalized, and the grammar is awkward when it works.

    Besides that, your introduction doesn't have a hook--it's very generic and dull. The first and second sentences of the introduction are redundant, and overall it lacks the sharpness that is needed.

    This is what I would call your thesis. Firstly it's too long, it should be two compact sentences at the most. Secondly it needs to answer the "so what?" question. Why should we care that there's generational conflict? Also it's somewhat broad.

    The main problem is now much you telegraph things.

    This is an example
    This is another example
    This is the final example.

    We KNOW this. This is the body, where you use examples and evidence. These phrases are unnecessary and make the whole essay bland.

    Better luck next time.
     
  10. Swiftstrike

    Swiftstrike Registered Member

    I am pretty sure any english professor would agree if you mispell the title of the book in the opening paragraph it is definetely not an A B or even a C paper.

    In fact I was not harsh enough. I should have negged you and if the grade was possible I would give you and F-.

    MUAHAHAHAHAHA
     
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