What do you do when you love someone who died a long time ago?

Ever since I first saw Grace Kelly in a movie, I completely fell in love with her. Not only was she in my mind the most beautiful woman on earth, but she had a nice personality, she was a lady, like she was complete. It would be hard to name more than five weaknesses in her. She was nice, sensitive, loving, but at the same time, demanding, and so lady like. Oh and did i mention she looked beautiful.

So ever since that time, Ive watched all her movies, read a lot of books, and i've gotten to know what she was, who she was really well. And i learnt that despite the fact that she was still a woman, and did have one or two less positive traits off screen, nevertheless the screen star and the actual woman was really close.

So after learning all this, I decided that she would be my dream girl. Like everything about her, completely appeals to me. And i made my goal to find me grace kelly when i grow up, and im still a teen, in uni, but everytime i see a girl i might like, i look at her, and theres sometthing she doesnt ahve that grace kelly did. And so i move on.

The sad part it, is my realizing taht i'll never find my version of grace kelly. Grace kelly was a once in a lifetime miracle that probably wont happen again. And i also realize taht times have changed, and today nobody wants to be a lady anymore, beauty is distorted, technology has moved in. (can you believe kelly did photoshoots without makeup sometimes).

So thats made me kinda sad, actually really sad. Now past few days, I keep thinking about her, as if she exists and as if she lives somewhere close by but i cant have her. She keeps appearing to me like a real person i actually really like.

And its not like im obsessed with her. I don't talk about her 24/7, its like that feeling when you really like/love someone. Like that fire inside, except im getting it for a person who passed away before i was even born. And i feel incomplete all hte time. What can I do, how do i deal with this?


Hell, It's about time!
My girlfriend from high school died... Her and I were in one of those love hate relationships and always found our way back to one another even after all the fights and such.

Well she had a heart condition from birth and it caught up to her when she was 19. I still think if she hadn't died she'd be my wife today. I still think about her from time to time... the most you can do is cherish the memories.


Film Elitist
Given that Pro's unfortunate scenario is more real and tragic (my sincere condolences Pro) you might do better with a situation that is more familiar in nature.

A friend of mine has a similar infatuation like yours. His dream girl however is Louise Brooks; famous actress from the 1920's and in movies such as PANDORA'S BOX and THE CANARY MURDER CASE. She was a revolutionary actress of her time. She defied the social norms and hated the popular trends. A true rebel of her decade.

My friend fell in love with her. He has a large hard cover portrait of her on his wall, he's seen her movies and absolutely adores her. If she was alive today he would probably marry her or try to anyways.

So instead he does what he must... He moves on and searches for other women.

Come on dude, I know there's a reason why we call 'em "dreamgirls" but this is taking it a bridge too far. All you have are dreams. I mean it's one thing if you actually lost someone you were dating but all you've got are movies and photographs of a fantasy, not reality.

I don't meant to pry but what type real relationships have you had?
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Registered Member
Ronaldo, I think the first you have to realize is that adoring a movie star or other kind of celebrity is not "love". You have a one sided infatuation not even with a real person, but a skilfully developed image an actor wants to portray. No matter if dead or alife, this person you adore does not exist in real life and never existed. And even if she did, she would be completely out of reach for you. The kind of infatuation you describe does not sound healthy to me; you might adore Grace Kelly's work, like people adore other pieces of art, like a good book or a beautiful painting, but confusing that with "love" for the artist is a dangerous confusion of fantasy with reality.

I don't want to sound harsh, but my frank advice for you is that you should see a psychologist and explain your feelings to him or her. Maybe he can give you good advice. That's not meant to belittle or attack you, in fact, I think it is absolutely no shame to see a shrink.

As for pro2A's case, I want to express my condolences too. It's always a horrible experience to lose someone you were close with, especially in such young years. All my best wishes.


Living on the 0th floor
I am in a similar situation as Pro. My boyfriend of 6 years was killed in a gun accident, and we really had the perfect relationship, we were best friends, always laughing, never bored, and there wasn't a fight we couldn't get past, and trust was never an issue.

His death was really sudden and pretty hard on me, so it took me a while to get past it and start dating again. I absolutely believe that if he had not died that we would still be together to this day and surely would have been married. Like Pro, I think of him everyday, and I still do love him so much, but I can't let that hold me back.

There is a difference though between loving someone who is already dead and loving someone who later passes away. I am not star struck, so I never really get all excited over celebs, but I don't think I could fall for someone who I never met despite thinking I knew them from movies cause that is acting, and they could have been someone so much different.


Sally Twit
One thing you need to realise that had she been alive today you guys wouldn't be together. It's nice that you have such admiration for her but you need to snap out of it. There are many women out there and I disagree with your statement "nobody wants to be a lady anymore". There are a lot of slags out there but there are also a lot of nice ladies out in the world too. You just have to find her.
I have this problem. I got feelings for my friend in high school i was year 12 and she was year 11 in 1999, she never knew my feelings and committed suicide oct 6th 2000 4 weeks before my 18th, around two years later i found out she was the love of my life, i buried my feelings and now they have re surfaced and i have no idea how to deal with feelings for a dead person