Before we get started, I want to tell you about me. I'm 19, soon to be 20, and I'm a very sensitive guy. I am very emotional, but I keep it all inside, as I don't want to look like a wuss all the time in public. I read twilight, host, Sarah Dessen Novels, Nicholas Sparks novels, and love sappy love stories. I've always wished that my life could be like the ones in the books. So yes, I'm pretty much a push over, and have the body of a man, the interests of a man, such as fishing, hunting, weight lifting, UFC, stuff like that, but emotionally I'm nothing like a man, I feel like I side with the girls on most of everything there, But trust me, I'm not gay Anyways, here the story goes.When I was seventeen years old, I met a girl, and with in 2 weeks I knew I was in love with her. We spent all our time together, did everything together, and I absolutely adored her. Well after about a year and seven months, I started wondering if she was really the one. When I was with her, I was the happiest person ever, when I wasn't, I couldn't decide if I was happy with her or not... She wasn't coming around my family anymore, she didn't text me, or call me, and some times I wouldn't hear from her for days at a time... I put up with it, and decided to make the decision to stay with her, because I knew I did love her. Well, right after we had been dating for two years, I finally got fed up with her not spending any time with me, and not talking to me, and confronted her about it. She told me we needed to talk, and then she broke up with me, and I felt like everything was over. Not only did I love her, but I loved her whole family, so It was hard for me not to see them all the time too. I know it may be hard for some of you to understand, but I felt like I had my entire life planned around her, my future, my family, my happiness, everything. And then it was all just cut away from me. When she broke up with me, she said she wanted to take a break, two months, no contact, and she would make up her mind about me. I waited and waited, and when two months came around, she told me she still wasn't sure, but not to give up on her. Another month went by, and I tried to get her back, and she told me again, not to give up, and to give her some more time and try again in the future. Another month goes by, and the same thing happens. Finally, after 6 months, she sits down with me and tells me its over over. No chance of us ever getting back together, ever. She was very blunt about it. During those whole six months, I felt like I had had my heart repeatedly broken. She had been texting this guy the last couple months we were together all the time, and I later found out that after she broke up with me she dated him secretly, because her parents wouldn't approve of her dating a black guy. I found out she slept with him, and had a false positive pregnancy scare. You can imagine how that made me feel. I don't know why, but I decided to ask her about it, and she promised me it wasn't true. But I know her too well, I could tell by the way she said it, the tone and everything, that it was true. Now I have no Idea how to deal with any of this. Pretty much every night since we broke up, I have dreamed about her. My dreams aren't the whole "were back together and everything is perfect, and we love each other dreams," but they're actually very bad. In every single dream, I try to get her back, she rejects me, and tells me how she doesn't love me, and she loves someone else. Often times I will see her making love with someone else, or just being with someone else, and she rubs it in my face. Other times, she acts like she wants me, but when I try to get her, she leaves me again... Every night, every time, I wake up the next morning feeling depressed, and horribly unhappy. The way I decided to deal with this, is I pretty much let myself suffer, until I felt like every part of me (the me I became while dating her) died, and I pretty much rebuilt myself to the way I wanted to be. Now, things are much easier, all day I won't think about her, but every now and then I will and my heart will sink, and hurt. But still, almost every night those dreams haunt me. During the day, I'm fine, at night, I'm screwed... Why do I still dream about her? What does it mean? And if you guys could, I would love for some advice on how to deal with all of this.