What are your current respirations

Discussion in 'The Bathroom Wall' started by Smelnick, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. Smelnick

    Smelnick Creeping On You V.I.P.

    Well, first I contract my lung to squeeze out the bad air. Then I expand them to bring in the cleaner air.

  2. Jeanie

    Jeanie still nobody's bitch V.I.P. Lifetime

  3. Tucker

    Tucker Lion Rampant

    80% water.
    Hiei likes this.
  4. Jeanie

    Jeanie still nobody's bitch V.I.P. Lifetime

    actually, your lungs don't contract. It's the movements of your diaphragm that cause the air to be forced in or out of your lungs. Lungs have no muscle tissue in them and are therefore incapable of independent movement. They are composed of epithelial tissue.

  5. Tucker

    Tucker Lion Rampant

    Out with the bad beans! In with the good beans!
  6. Bliss

    Bliss Sally Twit

  7. PretzelCorps

    PretzelCorps Registered Member

    This brings me way back to my cage-fighting days. See, I had a match coming up against a famous martial arts master named Tzu-Su Sushi who was renowned for causing mysterious fatalities in the ring. After hours of watching videotapes of his fights, we discovered that he had been using the Strictly Unauthorized Cruel and Killingly Evil Respiratory Punch (or SUCKER Punch, for short) to rupture his opponents' diaphragms, condemning them to a slow death by asphyxiation.

    Since this was during the early 90s, back when plot didn't matter much, we decided it was best not to report this finding to any of the proper authorities, and just enter me into the fight anyways. See, I just so happened to have a rare recessive genetic condition called Pulmonary Musculoplasia, wherein the tissue of the lungs is lined with an extremely thin layer of muscle; I began a decade of training before the fight (remember: 90s, so plot doesn't matter) to build this thin layer of muscle, ultimately surgically removing my diaphragm, whereby making my lungs entirely self-sufficient and consequently impervious to the SUCKER Punch.

    Naturally, the fight went for 108 rounds over 12 hours, eventually going to the judges who had been bribed by Tzu-Su Sushi. After waiting a suspenseful 20 mins for the decision, they gave to fight to him, even though it was obvious I had won. Fortunately, that was when the police barged in and said "You're under arrest for murder!" having somehow figured it out on their own at that perfectly convenient moment, and then I won the fight.

    Afterward it became the 21st century, so I spoke to my doctor, and she told me that it was extremely stressful and taxing on my cardiovascular system to overstimulate Pulmonary Musculoplasia for any extended period of time. Currently I'm on the diaphragm donor list, awaiting transplant. In the meantime, intense therapy has taught me to breath a bit more naturally by flexing and relaxing my pectoral muscles.

    So you're totally wrong.
    Kibi likes this.
  8. Jeanie

    Jeanie still nobody's bitch V.I.P. Lifetime

    you're such a dork, Jay
  9. PretzelCorps

    PretzelCorps Registered Member

    Why do people keep saying that...? :headscratch:
    Jeanie likes this.
  10. Smelnick

    Smelnick Creeping On You V.I.P.

    Hahahahaha fuck man, nothing like an amusing tale during break. All my coworkers are wondering what the hell I'm laughing at
    Also, I just learned how to breathe in water and extract the oxygen. Unfortuneatly the leftover hydrogen kinda makes my farts a little volatile.
    Also also, I laughed hard at your 90's movies jokes. And totally agree hehe.
    Also also also,

    Haha psyche!
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2010

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