These are two jokes my mum got from my brother. One night a bat flies into his roost with blood all over his face, the other bats get really excited and asked where he got it from "Follow me!" He says and off they go over the hills and to a forest. "See that tree there?" "YEAH!" They reply. "Well i fucking didn't!" I saw a sign that said 'Make my donkey laugh: £5 and get 50 back' So i go in and have a go and made the donkey laugh. "How did you do it?" The owner asked. "I said my dick was bigger than his." "Tell you what, make him cry and i'll give you a grand." So i go in and make the donkey cry. "What the fuck did you do?" "I went in there and proved it!"