Two Jokes.


Ms. Malone
These are two jokes my mum got from my brother.

One night a bat flies into his roost with blood all over his face, the other bats get really excited and asked where he got it from "Follow me!" He says and off they go over the hills and to a forest. "See that tree there?"
"YEAH!" They reply.
"Well i fucking didn't!"

I saw a sign that said 'Make my donkey laugh: £5 and get 50 back' So i go in and have a go and made the donkey laugh.
"How did you do it?" The owner asked.
"I said my dick was bigger than his."
"Tell you what, make him cry and i'll give you a grand." So i go in and make the donkey cry. "What the fuck did you do?"
"I went in there and proved it!"


Ms. Malone
2 more for ya!

I thnk i've posted the first one before but i'm not sure.

3 men on a journey come to a large river, the first man steps forward and prays.
"Please God, make me smart so i can cross the river." So god makes a blonde and he swims across.
The second man steps forward. "Please God, make me smarter than him so i can cross the river." God makes him a sandy blond and he builds a raft to get across.
The final man steps forward. "Please God, make me smarter than them so i can cross the river."
God turns him into a woman and she uses the bridge!

Ok this one i'm sure i haven't posted!

In the middle of a part there is a statue of a naked man and woman who are very much in love, they brought so much beauty and love to the park and everyone loved them. One day Gabriel floats down from the heavens to the statue.
"God is please with the beauty and love you bring to the park, he has given me the power to grant you life for 30mins."
The statue comes to life and the man and the woman are pleased to be human, without a second thought they leap behind a bush! There was a lot of russling and giggling, Gabriel smiled-even he knew of such things!
15 vmins later the pair return with huge smiles on their faces. Gabriel looks at his watch. "You still have 15 more minutes, would you like to continue?"
The man looks to the woman and asks. "Do you?"
"Oh yes." She smiled. "But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL shit on it's head!"