Trust

sugar_lump

Registered Member
#1
I've recently become engaged to my boyfriend who I love with all my heart.
We are very loved up and spend as much time together as possible.
The only problem is that before getting with him we were friends right from when we were children so I know about his past.
He cheated on his ex girlfriend (who we was with for 5 yrs) on quite a few occasions. She kept taking him back but eventually he left her cos he realised he didn't love her anymore
I do trust him because I can read him like a book (cos ive known his for so long) and I have already pre-warned him that if he cheated on me I will give him the boot. No exceptions.
I remember that after splitting with his ex he told me how much he regretted cheating on her and said he would never do it to a girl again (this was also before we got together).
We eventually fell in love with each other and now we are where we are.
Has anyone got any similar stories and do you think I am right to trust him?

I also read somewhere that when people cheat it has nothing to do with sex, as it's a lack of emotional fulfillment.
 

Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
#2
I also read somewhere that when people cheat it has nothing to do with sex, as it's a lack of emotional fulfillment.
that's true for many people, yes. Did he tell you anything more about why he cheated on her and what their relationship was like? and what does your gut tell you? only you can know if you're right to trust him, but if your gut tells you it's ok, I would go with that.

good luck!
 

sugar_lump

Registered Member
#3
He cheated on her cos he just wasn't happy with her. I did know the girl quite well and in my opinion she did get very complacent... a few years down the line.... then the cheating began.
My gut tells me he wont do it but there are times I do doubt it but that's just natural I suppose.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
#4
If you are asking us if you're right to trust him then that means you have some doubt. You should know him well enough to know if he's left all that behind him. You should never have agreed to get married if you didn't trust him 100%.
The relationship you two have will be different from the previous one and hopefully he's grown up since then. Cheating is a horrible thing to do no matter what the circumstances are.

Speak to him about your concerns.
 

Wade8813

Registered Member
#6
Is it possible he's changed? Absolutely. But according to you he cheated multiple times. That's suspicious, to say the least.

He can give all sorts of excuses about why he cheated on her, and won't cheat on you, but I wouldn't be surprised if he does the same thing to you.
 
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#7
It's better to trust him in this kind of circumstance. If you've just become engaged, chances are your going through a mental review of everything that's ever happened in your relationship looking for problems. It happens. You can't always trust the things your mind churns out at these times.
 

sugar_lump

Registered Member
#8
Yes I agree with you there. That is probably what's happening.
He does say that he wasn't ready for commitment back then and that cheating was his cowardly way out of the relationship. I guess he was hoping she would end it.
He does say that now he wants to settle down and has had enough of messing around. To be fair, our love life is brilliant and I can't see any cheating happening.
As for what the future brings I don't know, the option I see is to go with my guts and see what happens. I do see myself growing old with him and we have a very deep connection and we already talked about this a while ago it's just that it's nice to hear the opinions of people who are not involved.
I cheated on my ex ages ago (the first and last time) and I know I wont do it again.
So maybe I should give him some slack.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
#9
That's one reason why my friend and I didn't date. I knew too much about his "games" with his ex-gfs. Although I know that none of those were really serious relationships for him (the ladies were desperate for him and he was horny and wanted to have a gf, haha) and that if he got into a relationship he really wanted, I think he'd behave differently. Still, I prefer not to take the risk and ruin our friendship, and we're much better off not dating.

That said, there are people who believe that once a cheater always a cheater. That's one way of looking at it. But you yourself cheated and you believe you won't do it again, so perhaps he feels the same way about his past. You can give each other the benefit of the doubt. One positive thing I note is his admission of his failure and immaturity when he cheated. I'd be more wary if he tried to rationalise his behavior or put the responsibility on his ex-gf. Goodluck.
 

whateverdude_09

Registered Member
#10
all i have to say is you gotta watch...and be aware, if he is at all suspicious investigate deeper. use that woman magic on the psyche of your fiance, he will screw up somewhere i will guarantee it...no guy is that good...but dont be to obvious about it. you have to be inconspicuous or he will know whats up and get defensive.