Movies TRANSMORPHERS: Rip-Off In Disguise.

Altanzitarron

Tamer Of The LOLzilla
#1
No that's not a typo I have literally just flicked on a movie called TransMORPHers. This is not the first time I'd heared of this but it has been my first chance to take a look. This thread will contain spoilers.



I'm about 10 minutes in and the best part has been a badly editted scene in which a woman is addressing her superior (male), with some dialogue quite clearly lifted from The Matrix revolutions, ending with "sir". but the camera cuts to a reaction shot of one of the other female officers. So it looks like they've got a transgender commander to start with.

Also the effects of the robots can only be described as ps1 cut scene worthy;


Now they're talking about introducing some maverick to help who is a, and I qoute "wild card" and "hard to control", also the machines can't read his mind for reasons the plot doesn't care to explain. They may aswell have called him "Captain Cliche". Oh, he's also been cryogenically frozen for the last five years. This is obviously the triple X logic in that you should use a villain to catch villains. That's all fine and well in a nonsensical kind of way but what good is he going to be against robots? I cant wait to find out...

Now it seems that the woman who thawed him out is married to his ex girlfriend or something. So apparantly captain cliche is a bit of a woman turner. Perhaps his inability to satisfy bi-curious women will come in handy against the Transmorphers?

20 minutes on and theres been nothing but silly character building scenes that seem to exist for the sole purpose of tricking me into feeling sad when lots of them die later on. This will not be the case.

Finally, THIS is what I was waiting for, they've gone to fight the robots. oh god it's awful as man and machine collide in a frenzy of obvious green screen. It would appear that it is not infact a battle between man and machine at all, but a battle of bad acting against bad CGI.

holy crap I just heared the Wall-e noise in there somewhere... and this movie was out before pixars kiddy epic.... hmmmmmm suspicious.

It seems I was way off with the "sir" thing at the beginning, they address all their superior officers as sir regardless of sex. I don't actually know if this is a real military thing or if they're just trying to be cutting edge in this "future".

Stop the presses, captain cliche is in fact a robot himself, so my application of the triple X logic was more apt than I originally thought. Hes a robot made by humans to fight the alien robots. Thats why the robots cant read his thoughts *slaps head* OFCOURSE! He says; "In a way, I think I always knew". I wonder what tipped him off throughout his whole life, maybe it was the fact that HE'S MADE OUT OF METAL!.

As predicted people die, I fail to care.

Captain cliche sacrifices himself, Robots die, humans win - Hooray for the humans who were more stiff than the robots they were at war with. His ex goes back to her lesbian wife and all is well.

So who is the real loser here? The directer? The producer? The actors? Me for watching it? You for reading this thread all the way to the end?

definitely me.
 
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Nightsurfer

~Lucky 13 strikes again~
#2
I think I saw this POS on late night TV..Boy did it suck. I wanted to shoot myself for wasting my time watching it. This was a bad B flick.