Too trusting

[masey]

Out of the 7 relationships I have had, I think I was hurt the most by the last one 8 months ago.

He gained my complete trust only to find out he was a total liar !

Why do men feel the need to lie so much to women?

The result is now, I have spent the last 8 months alone, and afraid to comit again.

 

[SlowburnDarkly]

It's not just men-- some women are capable of the same things. Not all of them do, just as not all men do.

Anyway, to answer your question, either people just don't appreciate what they have or they feel trapped. I've done both. There have been a few that I didn't appreciate in the moment, but there have been times when I've felt entirely smothered and I felt like I had to lie to avoid confrontation. Then again, some people are just users. They have an infinite supply, so they'll hurt who they want.

I know where you're at right now. I've been there too, and that shit hurts. It's not that you were too trusting before-- it's the fact that you're so wary now. This guy took advantage of your trust and broke your heart. This is hard to get over and it takes time. Still, I hope you get through this soon.

 

[viLky]

Why do men feel the need to lie so much to women?

The result is now, I have spent the last 8 months alone, and afraid to comit again.

You gotta becareful when you think like this. Not all men are like this. Not all men will lie and use you. You just gotta keep being strong and take a chance. Of course, taking a chance doesn't mean just going all out trust mode. No, don't do that! Think and reflect whenever possible on your relationship. Make sure you guys are on the same page.

I've never been in a full blown relationship, so I'm probably the last guy to take advice from. I just know to don't be afraid in life because in 1oo years you'll be dead, I'll be dead that guy who lied to you will be dead. No need to waste time on being afraid in life. Continue having fun and being happy. ^.^;

 

[Smelnick]

To be honest, I've always wondered how people can go into a relationship and start lying also. Maybe it's a cascade effect, they tell one little white lie for the moment to avoid an awkward situation, but then they have to start making up more lies to cover up what started as a little one. I think your best bet Masey, is to get to know a guy for a little while, before even dating him. Get to know what he's like outside of a relationship, and it'll be easier to see the differences between then and when you actually take the relationship further. It'll be easier to pick out when he might not be truthful, and then you can call him on it. I know for myself, I like to try and be what a girl I like, likes. I guess a lot of guys are like that, and that's probably where the little white lies come in.

 

[EllyDicious]

Smelnick's advice is the best so far!

Not all guy are the same and getting to know their personality before getting into a relationship will help you more.
It's not just about men lying to women. Women do it too. It just depends on the person.
Don't blame everyone just because of a liar that came into your life.

 

[Millz]

I definitely understand the feeling of not wanting to committ again after something like that happens but eventually someone will come around that you like and you'll start it all over again. I've been lied too, cheated on, you name it and to be honest I didn't even want to bother with it ever again. But then I realized those two were isolated instances and not every girl (or guy) is going to be a liar, cheater or any of that stuff.

I never understood the lying stuff. I mean sometimes little white lies are okay but something big and serious is not. I wouldn't even want to deal with someone like that. Anyway, don't be afraid to trust again but keep your guard up a little bit and ease into the next situation.

 

[shelgarr]

What I have noticed is that most people have some level of dishonesty. I swear, just about anytime anyone talks I sense there is more to it that they aren't saying. For a long time I thought it was paranoia....now I know that there is a lot of truth to a human's inability to say what is completely on their mind. So if you take what I just said as truth, than you'll see how you have to have caution with everyone. Not in a protective kind of way, but in an expectation kind of way.

As for cheating, or unethical, or immoral, or a compulsive liar, or exaggerator, or embellisher....those aren't hard to differentiate from a basicly good person. Stay open to the good.

 

[masey]

Thanks guys and girls for your replies. They have cheered me up a tad. xx

 

[Unity]

Smelnick's advice was definitely spot-on. And when you do find a guy that you're interested in forming a relationship with, don't hesitate to tell him from the beginning your thoughts on what had happened, how slow you'd like to take things, etc.

Similar to Millz' comments, I've been lied to and mistreated myself in the past. It might be tough to do after you've invested your heart into someone else, but you will realize that not all guys are going to act a certain way. I'm confident that in time you'll feel ready to trust, and you'll know when a guy that's worth your energy comes along.

Relatively speaking, something like this that has happened 8 months ago can still leave a fresh wound on your psyche, it's totally understandable that you still feel this way right now.

 

[Wade8813]

I think for most people, trust is a delicate and difficult balance. I think almost everyone's a little too trusting or not trusting enough. I don't know your situation, but maybe you are a little too trusting (on the other hand, maybe he was just a practiced liar). I know I'm not trusting enough.

But I think the important thing is to just learn from it, maybe be a little more careful next time, and not let it change who you are. You're a trusting person, and that's a good thing. Try to view it as a learning experience, and move on.