Too fast?... Too slow?... or keep the current course?

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by sputniknz, Sep 6, 2010.

  1. sputniknz

    sputniknz Registered Member

    I am 29, my partner is 25, she has a 6 year old boy from previous relationship.

    We have been together for nearly 3 years. It is my first relationship (im a slow starter) as such i dont have anything to compare it too, this being part of my dilemma. To ask if i love her, the answer is yes, but i am troubled by my lack of "experience", not having a comparison Also, i moved to this tiny town a little over 4 years ago. She has lived here her whole life, as such she knows most people down here. Hence why i am asking you guys.

    My partner is starting to talk about moving forward, emphasizing marriage. I personally think we have been moving at a pace much faster than my liking. We were living together after just 6 months of being together. I am slowly taking on more when it comes to her child, who i adore. After some rough times at the beginning which brought tension between the parents, we seem to be getting on just fine. Recently the tension between me and her parents is dwindling. And i like the way things are headed in this respect. I feel that my obligation to make things right with the parents is being met, and i think even she would agree. However she also thinks that i should be going to every family outing no matter how distant the relative or friend. I on the other hand feel my obligation to her family stops at 2nd cousins say.

    What i want to know how long before someone in this current position, considering a rather "heavy" path to it, should really feel like they have to get married. I feel as though we have only really had the last 6 months without turmoil and am not convinced that the time for marriage is now.
     

  2. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    If you don't feel ready for it, don't do it.
    Sounds like the lack of your past experiences concerns you more than the question you have to ask to yourself which is "Do I love her enough to marry her?"
    Try to find the answer of this question. I don't think the lack of other experiences is a problem if you know you love her to death.
     
  3. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    Determining your love for someone can be hard with all the different opinions out there of what love actually is. You need to find an answer to that and then tell your partner that as well as the fact that you just don't want to move to fast and that you're not sure if you're ready yet.
     
  4. Danno

    Danno Registered Member

    You should not be pressured into anything my friend. Experience has nothing to do with it only you will know if something feels right. If it doesn't then sit down with her and tell her how you feel. On the other hand if it does feel right then go for it.
     
  5. konboye

    konboye Registered Member

    My opinion: You are trying to convince yourself that you are not ready. You have already made up your mind. So just follow your instinct.
     
  6. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    There is not really a specific amount of time when you can say it's too fast or too slow. All depends on the dynamics you have with your partner. From the looks of it,the status quo is your current comfort zone and moving towards elsewhere is not something you are ready for. You have to explain your feelings to your partner. It doesn't mean that you won't ever want to move forward. I think that might be one of her concerns: feeling like it is not going anywhere. She just has to understand that you need time and take your own pace (and that's more beneficial to your couple).

    Regarding family, I think you're fine declining family meets especially with distant relatives. Are you the same with your family? Perhaps if you're not close to your distant relatives either it'll be easier for you to explain why you feel that way to anyone's family (even hers). I wonder how important this is to her and maybe she can explain to youand see where she is coming from. Perhaps she also feels obliged to present herself in this outings and just didn't want to do it without her partner.
     

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