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Thou shalt not be help responsible

Daemonic

Registered Member
For anything said in chat last night.....

I know I said I was going a month without drinking but something came up that made me give in after I think 2 weeks. Anyway, all I remember is going into chat but nothing else.....

So yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...............

I didn't do it, it was teh drink.
 

Daemonic

Registered Member
ehh, I would have made it but the reasons I gave in are complicated. I don't wanna sound all bitchy though so I will just say I hung out with a ex I had not seen in 6 years all day yesterday and it brought back some weird emotions I didn't expect. So I didn't give in cause I "needed" it in the sense an alcoholic craves his drink. I gave in to drink away the emotions I didn't like that came after dropping her off. For the record though I'm not getting back in the habit...
 

Unity

Living in Ikoria
Staff member
In my somewhat professional opinion, though, having to use/consume any time an emotional or stressful situation comes about is a problem. I don't care whether you want to call it addiction or alcoholism or not...just from what I can tell on this forum, a little bit of professional help might be really beneficial for you, Sonn. I'd hate to keep on seeing you doing this to your body and mind.
 

Daemonic

Registered Member
I understand, just so people do know why I did it imma copy paste what I sent a friend about it.....

It is a lil long so if nobody wants to read it I understand...

My ex I had not seen in 6 yrs came to visit and we had started talking again. She is staying with her bf but she lives in Minnesota. Anyway, she was so nice and I forgot how sweet she was. She was even apologizing over shit she had no reason to and was so sincere. She even payed for my lunch cause I was driving her around. So the story about her is she only did one thing wrong our entire relationship and was the sweetest girl ever. The fucked up part is she did exactly what I told her to. I said to her once if she thinks shes interested in someone else be honest but don't cheat. She told me she was talking to someone and didn't know what would happen. I should have respected her honesty but flipped out, got drunk and did a bunch of drugs, came over her house, puked on her, and tried to kill myself. So the other day she apologizes for having not wanted to see me for a while after that and not trying to be nicer to me. She was so sincere about it to and I know she meant well but it pissed me off. I deserved it but shes just such a nice girl in some way she felt she could have helped me be better if she stayed around even as a friend. Point is, normally I have no problems just being friends after a break up. On the way home though I got a actually heart ache because I felt like such a dick for how a treated her. So, I get home and have a drink which I planed on anyway but it turned into me having a few drinks, I messaged her which I wasn't gonna do cause she was with her b/f but I was drunk. Then I realized I was kinda being a dick and bothering her after she was so nice. So to be honest I'm breaking my rule I have not broken in yrs. On top of things I needed someone to talk to about how I felt but couldn't get ahold of anyone so I went into a chat and have no clue what happened by the time I got there. I also woke up with the phone off the hook next to me but don't know how because when I checked my calls it says I didn't get ahold of anyone on the house phone last night, so I dunno if I talked to anyone. Anyway, I feel so fucking stupid now that I'm breaking my no drinking before 5 rule and just busted open the bottle of whiskey at 9 am but only have about a 5th which prob wont last all day. I just wanna forget how I feel. Hope I didn't bore you with that rant.

She wanted to see my parents before she went back but I'm just gonna tell her feel like a dick, I don't deserve a friend nice as her, and I'm getting fucked up to forget how much of an ass I am....

Which probably makes me a ass anyway but w/e. I fucking hate emotions. This is why I recently decided I am never dating again or getting married... ever.

Edit: Later on in the conversation while I do admit I had 2 classes of whisky when I woke up which I never do my friend made a few good points and I quit drinking. He basically said if she is willing to forgive me I should be able to forgive myself....

but yeaaaa...

That's what drove me to drink, I hated myself so much after seeing her.
 

Unity

Living in Ikoria
Staff member
The specific reason isn't what matters (it could be anything), it's that the emotions are causing you to drink. You need to find a healthy way to address them, Sonn.
 

Daemonic

Registered Member
I think my problem is I hate emotions, I let them have so much control over me in the past I feel they make me week so I get pissed when I let the strong ones like love or heartache and desire.....

I even remember on the way home verbally bitching myself out for feeling anything, I was so angry for feeling...

My issue is I want to be stronger but when i think I am something like last night happens and makes me realize how hard it can be sometimes to just say fuck it to emotions like those which brings me back to why I don't date....
 
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Dabs

Registered Member
I'm sorry Sonn, I truly am. I wasn't in chat, so I don't know what bad shit you were talking. But Unity is right, you need to seek some help. Do it for you, you will thank yourself in the end.
 

Impact

Well-Known Member
V.I.P.
I think my problem is I hate emotions, I let them have so much control over me in the past I feel they make me week so I get pissed when I let the strong ones like love or heartache and desire.....

I even remember on the way home verbally bitching myself out for feeling anything, I was so angry for feeling...

My issue is I want to be stronger but when i think I am something like last night happens and makes me realize how hard it can be sometimes to just say fuck it to emotions like those which brings me back to why I don't date....
I know exactly what you mean by this Sonn. I feel like less of a person when I let my emotions surface, it makes me feel weak, and in the past opening up to anyone on an emotional level has made me pull back from them. I also have huge trust issues on top of that.

It's something i'm working on right now. Slow progress, but I think it'll be worth it in the long run.

I kinda agree with Unity, but at the same time if you don't feel comfortable with seeing a professional, is there anyone in a neutral standpoint in your life that you can talk to about your emotional issues? Even talking to GF could help. Hell, I know it has for me. I know I can tell people here anything, and they will give me good advice and not judge me.
 
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