Nintendo The Worst Gamecube Game of All-Time: Merc's Review

Merc

Certified Shitlord
V.I.P.
#1
Ladies and gentleman, we all know there are certain games out there that defy the laws of decency and normality. They're the games that make you say, "why the hell would I buy this?" or "what kind of drunken hobo invented this?" Playing a game of such terrible proportions is impossible to erase from the mind of the gamer, who will recite his story over and over to fellow members of his gaming circle.

The Gamecube was a good system. Often criticized as "kiddy" by Playstation fanboys (the 'real' cream of the shit crop) and Xbox occultists (Cyber sex?), it's general failure (third place finish in the current gen, soon to be previous generation, console wars) is attributed to it's late release and lack of online service full of twelve year old asian geeks and America's insecure and obese teenagers. Each system, the PS2, Xbox, and Gamecube saw their shares of bad games. However, there are a few that stand out like Star Jones in a snowstorm. Their ability to infuriate, annoy, and lose general faith in the game industry and humanity scares us all. Ladies and gentleman, WWE: Day of Reckoning.

After playing Day of Reckoning 2, I didn't think this could be any worse. I was horribly mistaken.

Gameplay 2/10
There are several astounding aspects of this game that will drive the average gamer to the brink of homicide. One is the amazingly innaccurate and poorly built countering system, which works on average about 12% of the time (Results from my personal tests, folks). "Well, you may just suck at the game!" You may say, I don't blame you, I would as well. However, I'm a long-time veteran of WWE games, including the lackluster Gamecube series of them. I've been playing games since I was 5 (14 years experience) and I'm always up for the hardest challenge the game can offer me. The gameplay is so clunky, unresponsive and anger-inducing that you're better off just watching reruns of Hogan Knows Best and tickling yourself with electrical wiring.

Sound - 5/10
The sounds border on funny and lame. When you use a powerful move, the sound effect the game plays sounds more like a gunshot. The music is typical cheese-fest wrestler anthems that are manageable. However, the worst part is the in-game soundtrack. From crap alternative rock to absolute F-grade rap music (kind of redundant) nothing will be more pleasing after playing this game than filling your ears with poisonous scorpions.

Graphics - 7/10
The high point of the game is it's graphics and they're mediocre at best. That's it.

Replay - 6/10
Well, it depends on what you're replaying. Story mode is extremely difficult, even on easy mode, due to horrible AI which is surprisingly good against you and just plain freaking stupid when on your team. Creating and fighting original characters is great fun one because you'll get to play against a friend and two, there won't be some batshit-insant opponent who seems to pull all the outs on you at the perfect moments. Create a wrestler is best used for designing the smucks that made the counter system and beating the living hell out of them.

Total - 20/40 or F
Mix together 1 parts crappy music by B-grade bands, 1 part crazy AI, and 247 parts crappy gameplay and you get WWE: DOR. Playing the game really cannot be better described than with the previously used word, clunky. You'll see the icon telling you to reverse, you'll press it, fail, and lose the match. Computer players also gain ridiculous loads of stamina (energy used to do finishing moves) for simple things such as a slight reversal or kicking out of a pin or executing a low-grade submission manuever. Keep button-mashing, it won't save you from Chris Benoit's submissions, they're all impenetrable. No ounce of strength or amount of moves keeps your opponent down long enough to climb a cage or let alone pin them. All these problems create a horrifyingly staggering amount of annoyance and frustration to the point that you'll probably end up breaking something. Be warned, even at the new bargain price of $20, this game may cost upwards of $600, depending on what you throw to quell your anger.

Thank you THQ, for proving what games shouldn't ever be and setting the lowest standards so that no other developper may go there again. We can only pray that there is a light down the road, a better WWE game than this.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.
 
T

The Abyss

Guest
#2
yeah, i have that game. Never played it much. I only use it when i'm in the mood to hurt someone. It is, however, most unrealistic on the clothing. i was bored so i made a guy ina suit of armour. no atack bonus, no nhothing. he can get taken down like that. My fav wrestling game, currently, is Smackdown vs. Raw 2006. Can't wait for 07 on the 360!
 

Merc

Certified Shitlord
V.I.P.
#3
The game just frustrates the shit out of me. Some matches are just breeze-throughs. For example, I have to face Randy Orton in a hell in a cell. No big deal, I've beaten him a few times already. What happens when I start the match? His AI has improved tenfold, to the point that he reverses all of my reversals. That's just cruel and inhumane.