The Past

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by EllyDicious, Jan 28, 2010.

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Is their past important?

  1. Very Important

    15.0%
  2. Important

    30.0%
  3. Not that Important

    20.0%
  4. NOt important at all

    25.0%
  5. Other.

    10.0%
  1. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    Wade brought it up a bit in the other thread and i thought i could make a thread regarding the importance of your partner's past.

    how much is it important for you?
    if your s.o were someone or had something you've never liked in a person, but seems to have changed would you still accept and consider them as your partner?
    do you think a person can change ??
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2010

  2. AngelsPeak

    AngelsPeak Wanna play?

    I couldn't accept someone with a serious criminal past.

    As far as people changing, they can change what they do as a person, but not who they are as one. I've always believed that the core of a person simply cannot be changed.

    So, if it was a stupid past career choice, I'm willing to chalk it up to experience (as long as they've moved on to something else) but if it's something to do with them in a more personal way, (abuse in a past relationship for example) then I'd never fully trust them not to become that person again.
     
  3. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    When it comes down to it, their past is extremely important. Try as people might, their past always plays a role in their future because after all, it is our experiences that shape us. That however doesn't mean you should need to interrogate your partner, but if they keep certain things from you (say a criminal record like Angels mentioned) then that should be cause for concern. Not to mention, I'd think it would just be respectable to share things with your partner that you think may either come up or play a role in your coming life.
     
  4. icegoat63

    icegoat63 Son of Liberty V.I.P. Lifetime

    Although I agree with the sentiment that our Past is what we grow from and that People dont change.... I disagree with the thought that our Past is relevant in a relationship. Why should a relationship lose its future over something that happened in the past?

    The stupidest thing I've ever heard my guy friends talking about is their girlfriends starting fights over something that happened in the past before they got together. Now thats the Catch, if its something that happened say in the first year together and you havent corrected it... then its fair game. But Old Girlfriends or Boyfriends that you've had history with do not belong in your current relationship. Its a strain that no relationship, especially new ones, should have to bare.

    What I've seen is that guys and girls alike who focus so much on their past relationships tend to struggle the hardest in their future or current ones. Its not until they can bury the past and start fresh that something good comes to fruition.

    Everyone deserves some sort of fresh start, not all of our past decisions should always haunt us wherever we go. If they are something that absolutely have to be shared in order to clear a conscious.... then go ahead but I sure wouldnt recommend it within the first couple months :hah:
     
  5. Wade8813

    Wade8813 Registered Member

    I do think people can change (although it's rare) - but I have a feeling that even if I believe they've changed, some things would just be too difficult for me to deal with.

    There's a porn star who became a Christian, and it seems possible that she really regrets what she did - but there's still tons of stuff of her all over the internet.
     
  6. Bliss

    Bliss Sally Twit

    I think a person can change but I wouldn't want to be with someone that had made the same mistake more than once. I wouldn't want to be with a criminal and I wouldn't want to be with a compulsive liar. The past is very important because it would say a lot about who the person is today.
     
  7. Scissorhands

    Scissorhands Registered Member

    I want to call you out on this one. I have a criminal past that sounds serious in words. When I was 17 I broke into my high school and stole two guitars and on a different offense at the same time I broke into a Radio Shack and robbed them silly. Now, due to trusting the wrong people and making other stupid decisions lead to my demise and I was caught. So right now I am on deferred adjudication for 5 years (starting last Feb) for two accounts of Burglary of a Building. Does this sound serious to you?

    Being me and in the shoes of a "criminal" I see that not all criminals are just people who want to do wrong. We are just people who have done wrong. I fucked up. That's it. I wish everyone could look at me the same.

    I played football in high school but I'm not a football player.
    I have raced other vehicles on the street but I am not a racer.
    I have grown vegetables but I am not a farmer.
    I have committed crimes but I am not a criminal. Not anymore.

    I think the past matters not. What has happened in the past does not make people more prone to things, it just makes it seem as though they are because they did it once already. If anything criminals are less likely to repeat an offense because we really do learn. 20 grand and 5 years of my life that I can't get a real job, leave the county, or scratch my balls without getting a permit first really showed me that it is a great right to be free willed.

    Furthermore; on relationships, I don't care about their past. And when I say I don't care I don't mean that It doesn't bother me or anything, I really mean I don't care. I hate it when they tell me about their past, I wish they would just shut the hell up. Girls try to give me these stupid stories to get sympathy from me and I'm damn tired of it! =P I just ignore them when they go into their past! That's probably why I am single most of the time!

    So no; to me I would rather not even know about their past. But whatever is there is meaningless to me anyways because it happened when I was obsolete.
     
  8. AngelsPeak

    AngelsPeak Wanna play?

    Yes, it is serious. You blame it on "trusting the wrong people" but you were at an age where you knew the difference between right and wrong.
    I would have a problem trusting you to walk along the correct path if you chose to do something like this not once, but twice.
     
  9. Scissorhands

    Scissorhands Registered Member

    No. I blame me getting caught on trusting the wrong people.

    I got caught because I decided to run away with this girl I thought I wanted to be with and when she wouldn't contact her family they didn't know what happened so they filed a missing persons report and it came down on me because they thought I kidnapped her. So in order to find her (because I had no idea that hell was freezing over because she wasn't contacting them) they got a warrant for my phone records where I had talked to a guy about the items I stole and him selling them for me.

    From there, considering that the texts were ALL they had against me, they went to him and found all the stuff in his vehicle. He, being the son of the leading probation officer in that county, got completely off just for dropping my name.

    See. Trusting people got me caught. It was my stupidity that got me in trouble. And both offenses were prior to getting caught. You don't understand the flipside so I wouldn't expect you to trust me. Hell, I am going to go ahead and assume that you are someone who wouldn't even trust me because my long black hair and tattoos. It's typical for people to be that way.
     
  10. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    it has nothing to do with trusting the wrong people. you were aware that what you were doing was wrong. you were 17 and you could've chosen to not commit that act.
    trusting the wrong people is another side of the story. if they didn't let you down, still wouldn't make any difference because it wouldn't undo what you did.

    but i agree when you say that not everyone who commits a crime is a criminal.
     

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