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The need to Please

sunrise

aka ginger warlock
V.I.P.
I think due to my paranoia and my constant feeling that I am in the wrong has lead me to be the kind of person who needs reassurance, validation of something that I have done but most of all the sheer need to please someone; be it in work, home or relationships I cannot stand the idea I have angered, upset to basically made life hard or difficult for somebody else.

This is very difficult for me in life and in work. I cannot please everyone in work, there are some things that are out of my control and I cannot fix such as when I am dealing with a third party supplier or someone in another office who will just never be happy. It is the same in life, not everyone will like me, it's only human nature but I need to know why, I need to ask that person what I have done and how I can fix it to the point where I will actually make the situation worse. I once dated a girl and I was constantly looking for re-assurance and asking her why she was even dating me, this did not go down well with her.

These are all my problems and they are things I am learning to deal with or at the very least trying to deal with but how does it fall on for you? Are you similar to me or do you think "if you are not happy or not pleased that really isn't my fault"?
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
Which people aren't going to like it if you are after them all the time asking do I please you. If they are there and telling you from time to time they care about you, saying other nice things to you then I would think you please them. If not does the relationship please you.

Of course if you are talking about work you do have to please them and I think its natural to want to know if they are happy with your work. Even then you can go overboard.
 

Rebeccaaa

yellow 4!
I would love to have an "I'm me and you can like it or leave it" attitude but it doesn't work that way at all personally. I hate the thought of people not liking me. I'd much rather keep my voice down and have no enemies that be 100% myself with no cares as to what others think and for people to have a strong opinion of me. Of course, the irony is some people won't like me because of that kind of attitude haha.

If I could chose to change that, I would, to some extent. There's a lot I would have done differently if I'd had the guts and wasn't trying to please everyone all the time.

But with the whole validation thing...I don't really do that. I'll consider in my own mind how others think of me but I won't actually ask them and try to find out why they like me and how I can improve etc. I can move on and forget it if I feel someone doesn't like me, I'd just prefer to avoid it in the first place.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
I'm not a people pleaser just for the sake of keeping others from disliking me. I try to be as comfortable with my thoughts and feelings to the extent that I am able to share them with no fear. Inevitably, I know it won't match others, so it's just natural that I could turn others off. Yet, I also have a very rich and satisfying social life. I see that I can form valuable friendships and it's those that really matter, and not the masses.
 
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