"The Guy's Rules"

G

Godfearingsecular

Guest
#1
Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If
it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing
of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends
are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See
a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don 't ask
us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and
one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how
you want it done. Not both. If you already know best
how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to
sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really
don't mind that? It's like camping.