"The Cause" A Short Story

Discussion in 'Art & Creative' started by Mirage, Nov 21, 2008.

  1. Mirage

    Mirage Administrator Staff Member V.I.P.

    Alright, this story isn't part of anything bigger. I just had some writer's block while working on something else and decided to take a break and basically type without direction of any sort. I basically started this out and decided to see where it would go. Feel free to read and comment.


    And ladies and gentlemen, that's all she wrote. Thoughts please?
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2008

  2. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    It can't end that way. This is a good prologue of a bigger story. You know, the type that if it were a movie, it's the first scene they show. After the very last act of it, the movie themesong starts to play and the title and major casts presented....

    I have so many questions after reading it. It's not that it's incomplete, it's more that it aroused curiosity. I want to know more about how he was chosen, what happened to his family, the Tom character, etc. So no, it can't end that way. :hah:
     
  3. Mason

    Mason phawq

    For a second I thought the spoiler was gonna say
    You lost the game
     
  4. Mirage

    Mirage Administrator Staff Member V.I.P.

    Haha, to be honest I just felt like posting some writing since I hadn't really posted anything yet. I thought it might work well for the beginning of something bigger later on but for now, since I just wanted to post it I decided to end it right then and there. :lol:

    My theory is that if you leave people wanting more and thinking the story through then your work is done as a writer.

    Quit while you're ahead. :D

    Technically it could still continue with that ending. I wasn't specific. ;)
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2008
  5. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    Oh I know it could. The only problem is when you're going to find time and inspiration to actually write about it. I wouldn't wish for you to have another writer's block for the other thingy just to do this.
     
  6. Mirage

    Mirage Administrator Staff Member V.I.P.

    Well the only reason I even wrote this was because I need to clear my mind for a bit so I could get back to writing the other. It was as if I had something stuck in there that needed to get out so I could focus again.

    The odd thing is that the style and story types couldn't be more different between this and the other one I'm working on.

    This one was more or less "Let me think of something short to write so I can post it and let the good people of GF critique it". (Since I don't want to jinx my other project by posting part of it)
     
  7. SuiGeneris

    SuiGeneris blue 3

    I don't know I kinda expected the ending, maybe that's just because I'm pretty morbid about those kinds of things. I like how you didn't develop much as far as the story itself goes. You kept the to bare bone facts, and that was the entirety of your story.

    It didn't flow as much as I would have liked and the dialogue was a little choppy, I think you could've had a lot more emotion and description put into it, but hey there's always room for more, right? Seeing as you just threw it together on the spur of the moment it's pretty good. I enjoyed it, and it did have a nice suspenseful feel to it. I'd like to see you go over it again and just put more feeling into it...if that makes sense. You know Alex/Tom had to have been scared shitless by this time, I mean I knew he was but I didn't get the feeling as I read it. I guess thats the best way I can explain it.

    over all though Hybrix really good. I like your writing style to begin with.
     

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