The Battle of Convinced Assumption


Registered Member

The Battle of Convinced Assumption

Before I begin, I want you all to know that I realize some of this is in dire need of editing, however, I have this obsession with drafts, and also, no one has found enough merit in my work to agree to help edit it for me. What I am suggesting is mind-boggling to some but as they say, “truth is scarier than fiction”.

Below I have provided some key points that may help substantiate some of my claims. In my writing I tried to use my own words to explain my experience. As you are reading this, and my previous writings which you most likely disregarded as the product of illness, eliminate any prejudice that you may have. It took four hours to find any relevant information on this particular topic. Two hours into my research one of the summaries to one of the links within the search results said, “You have to keep digging”. The internet is like a gold mine, enlightenment and justice for the mind does not come easy. To be able to strike gold, or discover truth one must have the will power to withstand tedious research, which weakens ones state of consciousness. Believe it or not, during these times people are highly susceptible to be subjected by psychological weaponry aimed at getting inside of the brain, and/or damaging memory and/or cognitive ability. Basically I am referring to illicit experimentation that is used to assist studies and research in addition to organizations which try to debilitate curious citizens. Frequently, when one finds proof on the internet of something controversial, something not revealed in mainstream media, the web site will vanish soon after it is discovered, increasing distress to the formerly contented individual. Two hours after I received the message stated above, I finally discovered a website with both relevancy and credibility. The small increments of information I provided below are outdated, and technology has advanced monumentally. As a result of the governments adamancy to cover up security capabilities, despite ones need to be security conscious, updated information on this is extremely elusive. I could not find the same sight I had previously found, which went more in depth and seemed to have more credibility; however, using some of the key words I gained from previous research, I was able to pull up some information which seemed to say some of the same things. Just to reiterate, secretive information is extremely difficult to find on the Internet, especially for victims of mind control who have a heightened eagerness to validate their suspicions. Mind control victims are usually targeted individuals accused of dissenting from the majority. The externals of these individuals are exclusively controlled, creating an artificial reality for the victim that often leads to mental illness. As many realize, much of the internet is propaganda and disinformation. Even trusted news sights are extremely limited, and still partially propaganda. Search results are often flooded with one sided views, or ridiculous disinformation and subliminal messages diffused by artificial intelligence aimed at brainwashing and inciting paranoia in independent researchers. The reason no ones knows about this is because the government actively covers up proof in fear of the reaction of the public. Many fear that if our government is exposed, the entire population may be driven to cynicism, and an all out, catastrophic civil war or devolution will supervene. Nevertheless, truth is a remedy, and there are means, explained in my former blogs, which can prevent the masses from pursuing a hostile and implacable rebellion. Therefore, the ominous oligarchy in charge of the New World Order must be exposed once and for all and not merely in BLOGS, discredited threads and elusive websites, but on the television, in the newspapers, and everywhere.

“NSA DOMINT has the ability to assassinate US citizens covertly or run covert psychological control operations to cause subjects to be diagnosed with ill mental health.”

“The NSA obtains blanket coverage of information in the US by using advanced computers that use artificial intelligence to screen all communications, regardless of medium, for key words that should be brought to the attention of NSA agents/cryptologists.”

“Without any contact with the subject, Remote Neural Monitoring can map out electrical activity from the visual cortex of a subject's brain and show images from the subject's brain on a video monitor. NSA operatives see what the surveillance subject's eyes are seeing.”

“NSA's RNM equipment remotely reads the evoked potentials (EEGs) of the human brain for tracking individuals, and can send messages through the nervous systems to affect their performance.”

I am going to start at the beginning of these groundbreaking experiences and attempt to explain myself as thoroughly and coherently as possible. Many experiences I have forgotten, so I will do best to include and elaborate upon all that I can retain. It all started with ESPN poker club. This is an internet poker client. Over the course of three years my brother spent ample hours a day playing poker on this corrupt poker client. During this time, he noticed how impersonal and predictable many of the members on this site were. He picked up on trends such as if you go all in; someone is bound to call, decreasing the percentage of winning for those who go all in on good hands. At first I didn’t believe him, but I too began playing on the poker client and noticed some of the same things he had mentioned to me. There were other patterns and truths about this site that aroused suspicion as well. One of which is the fact that there is always a significant number of people on at one time. The conclusion he came to was that the moderators, or makers of this site used bots to fill rooms and the entire site was mainly a computer generated bot-site. He got one of the moderators, with the alias Horatio Caine, to admit this. When he posted on the forums his posts were immediately dismissed and erased. At one point, he had a significant amount of fake money stolen from his account. Upon researching the site my brother discovered two things. One of which was the fact that this site was sponsored by open source technology, This cryptology website educated me on some of the evil tactics that occur on the internet, such as man-in-the-middle attacks, and other means to isolate possible threats to certain groups’ secrecy and legitimacy, without becoming too obvious. He attentively researched this site, and those of which branched off of this site. I sat buy him during his research noticing some of the astounding and shockingly controversial sites he had discovered. As a result of the state my brother was in, he brushed over many sites, even terrorist or so called anti terrorist websites in search of a larger truth, and further validation. Upon his research, we discovered weather control sites, the monopoly of Disney, the prominence of artificial intelligence (names such as Nick Jennings comes to mind) and other things as well. None of these websites are currently available. He also tracked one of the moderators to a scamming website and “trolled” the site. The moderators or scam-artists drove him nearly insane revealing parts of his past, such as nicknames, and also making threats to his life and talking about his car and other things that intensified his paranoia. He got so paranoid and fearful that he started running around the neighborhood frantically. Eventually he got arrested after jumping through a window in fear of his life. This led to him being confined at St. Johns hospital, and eventually resulted in him being institutionalized at a hospital in Baltimore city. Stimulants, and sleep deprivation contributed to this incident but it was not unprovoked. After realizing all of this, I made some remarks to those involved, the scam-artist, in defense of my brother, and began researching as well. Furthermore, I affirmed the corruption of ESPN poker club, after exposing a bot and immediately being disconnected from the server. My research led to other discoveries such as the development of humanoids, future intentions in the field of robotics and human-bot interactions, which may have been one of the studies allotted to the poker client. I also realized that Chris Moneymaker was initially a publicity stunt, who got famous from ESPN poker club, despite his current claim that he qualified for the WSOP during a poker tournament at I consolidated all of this knowledge in an article which got published in the Essex campus newspaper, earning me the title “The Grand Conspiracist”. I attributed all of the research to my brother. Eventually, my laptop was hacked. Luckily, I was able to retrieve documents on my hard drive.

These shocking experiences continued once my brother was finally released from the hospital. This time is very hazy for me, so I will not be able to write about this experience in chronological order, or tie it together in a vivid story, as there was just so many things going on, and my memory of it is rather cluttered. It strains me even to try and recollect all of the things. Many of them are worth noting, and I have notes on them somewhere in a folder, however, I’m not very organized and I don’t know the whereabouts of this folder. Undoubtedly, the medication I was forced to take has had a profound effect on my memory and ability to thoroughly explain this story, however, we will get to that later. Now I will talk about something that has been absorbed into my memory for quite sometime now. What I am referring to is my spiritual epiphany. This is unlike any other epiphany I have heard. Although, it is difficult to decipher between divine intervention, and the rather sinister forces of BIGBROTHER, I believe this was clearly the work of God. I’m unaware of when this epiphany occurred, but I know for a fact that it was not a delusion caused by stimulants, a supposed illness, or an excess of dopamine. This was completely real. It all started when I started reading the Bible. Normally when I would look at the Bible I would approach it rather timidly, uncertain of its sacrosanct value. Its not that I didn’t believe in Jesus or God, I was merely just not prepared for the lessons that it delivers. Don’t get me wrong though, there were times in my adolescence when I felt as if parts of the Bible were fabricated and manipulated and the stories were mainly about the message. I still believe the Bible is mostly about the message, but I also understand that this inexplicably enchanted work has great historical credibility as well, not to mention it is Holy, hence the name. I began reading the first book in the New Testament. I was completely engrossed by it. For the first time in my life I understood Jesus’ vague messages, and as a result I reached a moment of clarity. After reading this it was as if I had aged ten years in one night. I became infatuated with Jesus’ messages, and I felt as though Jesus had been speaking directly to me through scripture at certain times. I believe I received esoteric messages from Jesus Himself. I can’t remember all that was said, nor can I find the same or new messages within the Bible. Frequently I search for the same messages almost in vain and a few times after the epiphany I received other messages, but the last I received, I recall Him saying that was all that I could bear at the moment. Nevertheless, the first time I received the messages I got the impression I was being directed on a mission, a test of will or I was involved in a prophesy that in the end would result in my death. What I was initially sent to do was go to the top of a hill near my house, and yell, “Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord”. Not only had He directed me through scripture, He also had directed me by guiding me on various paths, communicating with me within my mind. I didn’t necessarily hear voices, it was more my conscience guiding me in the right path. Once I completed this mission, I began my trip back. On the way back, I saw a sign that said, “There are three ways in,” or something along those lines, which basically meant that people can enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the Father, the Son, or the Holy Spirit. I never felt so good in my life. No accomplishment surpasses this fairly easy mission. Following this experience, I returned to the Bible, receiving messages confirming my success. The messages I received are numerous. Some I do recall, some I forgot and some I don’t feel comfortable telling others, for it was more personal and should be kept in discretion. The visions I had Jesus specifically told me not to express until He comes. Nevertheless, I do remember one thing. The Bible had told me that first the Holy Spirit would come to me, and then a helper would come and prepare the way for me. I also recall messages such as “many are called, but few are chosen”. I felt as though I had been chosen. I didn’t feel better than anyone because of this. I merely felt as though because I was lost, he chose me, so I would not be left behind. Subsequently, in daytime, I saw a condensed cloud of energy circling around my mom’s porch. It was not a delusion and people who say that it is both offend and frustrate me. I watched this spiritual-like entity with virtues in mind such as patience. I went outside and the spiritual-like entity began circling me. Finally, after voiding out all negativity, it seemed as if it entered me, causing me to feel very euphoric. Around this time span, I experienced other things as well. For example, I had been looking into the sliding glass door and the reflection I saw was me as an old man. In a panic, I ran inside to look in the mirror. I was normal. This may mean that I have matured spiritually and now have a responsibility to uphold a different moral standard as to set an example to others, or it may imply something else. I received other messages telling me to tell others of the miracles God has bestowed upon me, which I did excitingly. Unfortunately, as a result, people thought I needed help and no one believed anything I was saying. My expectations for others were unrealistic and rather naïve. I felt hypocritical because I was trying to exhort others to follow the light, despite slipping back into the dark. It was if I was “blinding by the light”. Regardless, following this epiphany my taste in music changed, and I felt emotions for the first time in years. Either that day, or the next I experienced an ethereal phenomenon. It was night time, and I walked outside the basement door to get some air. I was trying to take in all that had been happening to me as best that I could. After a short period staring off into the dark I heard footsteps that sounded very threatening. In fear, I ran back inside as quickly as possible and closed and locked the door. I had never been this scared in my life. I was literally petrified. In the day, I looked back where I had heard the footsteps and I was shocked at what I saw. In the grass, in the exact place where I had heard the footsteps, there were darkened imprints. I showed these imprints to both my mom, who now claims she never saw them or merely just doesn’t remember, and also my step brother, who is schizophrenic, and probably doesn’t remember either. Nevertheless, both had seen them. I don’t think either of them fully grasped this sight, but I did. I believe it was an attack on my soul. Following these life changing events, my uncle came to stay for a little while. In the Bible I remember it saying that a helper would come, and I believe he may have been the helper. Without me even telling him about the experiences, he turned me on to religion. I went to church with him a couple of times and even to a spiritual retreat. Prior to the epiphany, I was bored with church, but something had changed within me. During church, and at the retreat, the psalms reached my soul and they would make me tear up, even when trying to hold it back. Also related to religion, I came to various conclusions based on assumptions which do not deserve to be disregarded. I brought to surface the possibility of Barack Obama being the antichrist after listening to one of his notoriously tumultuous speeches. As many realize, Hilary is likely to become president. The reason I fear this is because that would mean Barack Obama would most likely be vice president. I do not fear Hilary alone; it is the power Obama may have over Hilary that concerns me. Obama resembles the antichrist in many ways and now if you search “Obama” and “antichrist” on the internet you find over one hundred thousand results. However, I can’t deny that I like him, for he is a likable guy (for some reason word underlines “he is,” and the correction it provides is “he is not”) nor do I advocate political murder or anything of the sort. I would rather people guide him, than anything else. But if predestination is real, what will be, will be, and all I can do is do all that is in my power to prevent disaster. I published an article for my campus newspaper on why I fear his power, titling the article, “American fear of political polarization,” which was for the most part a critique on one of his speeches. Adding to my suspicion, I saw television coverage of Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton reading rather pessimistic excerpts out of the Bible, in a smoke filled room, similar to the smoke I see whenever I look for it. No one knows about this, or has talked about it, even though, to me, it seems news-worthy. Another weird television program I saw was “Africa’s Maryland”. This show included a preacher talking about hope in Kingsville. There is also a Kingsville in Africa. This confused me very much so. I also saw a religious program of a guy talking about religion and it seemed as though he was speaking to me. He was talking about how many people are not real; they are merely mirages, or puppets. The people around him seemed demonic, and he appeared fearful. The people around him were promoting that people should fast, but they did not say people should fast, they said you should fast. It seemed like they wanted to exploit my vulnerability knowing that I am not yet prepared for such an immense test of my will. Before the program ending the “good” guy waved his hands diagonally, mouthing “no”. I realize none of this will help my case, but it is all real and very important. It should not be disregarded or denounced as delusion, which I expect all of you will do. I was advised by my brother to not speak of religion, but I feel compelled to do so, for it is important to me. Unfortunately, even though I witness miraculous events, my behavior has not changed too much. I became very isolated and my struggle only escalated after this epiphany. During social events I feel very alienated, which exhausts me. The complexities of daily life and gossip leaves me feeling hopeless and behind in the world. My knowledge is simple. I understand it perfectly well. However, I rarely find those like me, so I find myself on the outside, self-absorbed, and pressed to change the world around me. My simplicity comes off as irrational and/or inferior to many I communicate with. From my understanding, the resolution of complexities is found in simplicity. For example, I believe, virtue will show through the simplicity of the law. People lack values because law and government do not present them. Also, in stead of complicating issues of war with concepts and theories, we should simplify it down to Love and hate. Hate empowers Love; therefore, it should be used to influence societies and resolve disputes. I also believe complex economic theories such as supply, demand, inflation, and others are mere illusions that empower the dollar, and stifle plans to abolish poverty, alleviate enslaving work schedules and pay those too incompetent for work. After we defeat the power of the dollar, or in other words, “the big apple,” many great things will follow. Education will be reformed. All individuals will receive the attention needed, and the learning system most suitable to his/her needs. In regards to health care, all will receive equal benefits, rejecting no citizen on the basis of financial insufficiency. Also, once we complete all these things I have suggested, government will no longer be devised to control citizens; the government will become a system of leadership, resulting in better judgment globally. The Revolution begins in America and must be revived from within America. Jesus once said to me, “the sickness will not last until death”. What I have explained, in the utmost simplicity, is the cure. However, Jesus also said, “no prophet will be accepted in his own country”. I neglect the truth to this statement despite the logic that stifles such ambitions. I’ve called myself the prince, but I’m modest as a laborer, for that is what I am. To reiterate a statement from my former Blogs, “temporary servility implies eternal freedom”. In this world we all win, it’s just a matter of time, leading up to the end of time. I do not write of destruction of earth, rather, heaven on earth is what I am alluding to. I am not more worthy than Hitler for as the saying goes, we are one. Love will prevail. Life is not a game. A game ends. Tests, however, are completed. Before I move on, I want you all to know that religion did not cause any of my problems, even if it made people around me question my sanity. Without religion, I would not have been able to tolerate the many stresses I was forced to face. Religion is my company when I’m alone. It is my guard against complete dementia caused by isolation.

Now, I will return to the problem at hand, technological capabilities, explaining my interaction with them and how they have affected my life to the best of my ability. This is the haziest of all experiences, and to explain everything would be impossible. Some of this even I disregard for it is too unbelievable to accept. During this time, and even present day, my brother and I often get the sense that we are being watched. I realize this discredits me, and that is what makes government espionage so difficult to remedy. The radio often portrays current moods or sentiments. Some discount this as coincidence, but some of it so stunningly resembles my current emotion that I can’t help but question the irony. This artificial irony is prevalent in technology. Just yesterday, on myspace, a couple advertisements I saw included a parody on both zombies (medicated bi-polar patients) and feeding Nicole (anorexia) which represents this hospital almost too eerily. Whether this is the evolution of artificial intelligence, or a technological savvy human playing tricks on peoples’ minds is impossible for me to answer.


Registered Member
Returning to the story, once my brother returned home, surveillance escalated at an alarming rate. Both of us were consumed and mesmerized by this. It has eased down a little bit, but whenever we are involved in research, or typing a paper, suspicious events occur. Most people would be driven insane, especially if they were alone, during the experiences my brother and I struggle with. Luckily, we had each other to consult, confirming our sanity, and solidifying our beliefs. I will do my best to explain some of these events, so please, bear with me, for evasively intrusive security is a serious epidemic that has plagued America. Just because it hasn’t affected you yet, doesn’t mean you should ignore it, for if you do not act now, you will soon see your liberties fade, and action or Revolution even, will be impossible. First of all, as soon as my brother returned home, we cooperatively sought enlightenment on this issue. During these times we kept hearing gun shots at night, and also noticed the words REVO written on various signs in our town, both of which were outside the norm for the small town we live in. We had been propagating Revolution or Brotherhood so there may have been a connection to that. The same places kept coming up during research, like Carnegie, Birmingham, Darpa and others. Another thing was the satellites. At one point I was outside, and there were only a few stars out. Within a matter of minutes the entire sky was filled with apparent stars. These constellation changes amazed me, and made me wonder which speckles of light in the sky were stars and which were satellites. Another event that may have involved satellites occurred when I was alone. I saw a flash of light in a condensed area in the sky. Upon research, I remember saying satellites were capable of doing this. Also, in my mom’s basement, on the cable radio, one night I received messages. I had recently spoken to the Air Force, so I believed there may have been a connection to that. Many things come to mind such as “crime of the century,” “fear of words” (after some of the relevancies startled me) and others. Songs by The Police and Big Brother and the Watching Comp. were played often during this time. Another thing was the clock on the television changed to 9:11 far into the AM., which is both the date of my birthday, and also patriot’s day, which some call the beginning of the end. Eventually after looking deeply into this, I began writing excessively. Because of what had been happened to me I wrote of ideas such as feeling as though I were in a prison, or being dead at times and alive at others. I can’t even remember all of the notes. However, I left it out for my mom to read. This was after the conflict with the police officer. I had already been assigned a psychiatrist at this point. During this time I had been taking Adderall, which triggered what doctors call “psychosis”. I believe there was more to the story. The Adderall I was giving made me more high than usual. At night at one time, I even saw blotches of light prior to passing out. The Adderall also looked different. It had white speckles inside of it. This wasn’t normal. My mom thought it was just a different brand, but I felt differently. The psychiatrist had told me to stop drinking Coke so much. I didn’t really focus on his comment until I got a kidney stone, where in which, Coke was to blame. After my mom gave my writings to the doctor, a couple doctors spoke with me, and I was admitted to Sheppard’s Pratt. This was a terrible experience, but something good came out of it. During this visit I was forced to take mood stabilizers and zombie medicine to cope with anger which made me feel terrible, running on fake emotion. I was feeling heavy as if I was carrying something, and my anxiety was so bad that during most of this visit, all I did was pace. The one good thing that came out of it was a conversation I had with one of the girls. She was watched in everything she did, even when she slept. This troubled me, for I can’t see how such close watch can help someone. What I told her was, you are being watched, accept it, and instead of letting them study you, study them. She took it as; they are there for her, not the other way around. Regardless, a miraculous change occurred in her behavior, and not long after I was released, she was as well. When I was released, I returned to my writing, which I have been doing ever since. Some of what I wrote felt as if it wasn’t me writing it. I couldn’t understand where I got these ideas or why I had such a passion for writing. At one point, I literally felt God and/or Jesus had been speaking through me. I finally understood practical idealism. I may have skipped over much of the experiences my brother and I dealt with, however, that is all I can recollect for the time being.

My new life was political forums. I had written many threads, some of which were read and analyzed by many thinkers, some of which were disregarded and denounced as mental illness, yet still read by some of my unknown habitual readers. Regardless, I became fairly notorious in the internet world, well at least in the political forums I would contribute to (even if some said, “your ramblings serve no purpose here” or “don’t feed the troll and he will starve”). My mission was clear. I wanted, and was certain my purpose was, to help remedy the vices of man by altering the mentality of the root of corruption, which is the government. The reason I went to forums is because social life was complete alienation for me. I dedicated myself to overcoming the impersonal attitude of these forums, as if it was the last hope, trying to get people to work with me, and cooperatively, become a political association or the foundation of a Revolutionary party that could change the world. My emphasis on religion at first made me come off as a messianic, but I had received unique respect and esteem from my readers. I wasn’t prepared to accept my enthusiasm and passion as the mania of a mental illness, for I did not act like this prior to medication, and during my most supposedly manic phases I was on some sort of medication. I also had a sudden interest in reading political theory, reading Machiavelli, Rousseau, Tocqueville, Sun Tzu, Locke, Hume and others. Many of the classic political theorists supported, rather than rebuked my ideas, so I could not understand why I couldn’t get the full support of my readers. It seemed as if everyone had the same personality, as if uniformity was in full effect. I felt like I could predict how people were going to reply to me, yet I persisted to spread my rhetoric and misunderstood philosophy with perseverance. One of my names (Irishone21) was banned from one of the forums for some unknown reason, and I created a new alias as penquinclassic, which was also banned after the moderators of the site traced my identity back to the former, along with other screen names. When I typed penquinclassic into a search engine, I received a message allotted to a link to one of my essays. It was a quote by Albert Einstein which said “Insanity is doing something over and over again expecting different results”. I also got messages on my more prominent screen name such as “Irishone21 is on a distinguished road”. On one of the forums, two threads were dedicating to “flaming,” mocking, or insulting me calling me names such as sociopath, idiot, and others. The insolence was disheartening, but I did learn humility. Although I never got the responses desired from my threads, something kept pulling me back to them. I would continually push my beliefs, regardless of how badly they perceived me, even if they were treating me as if I am an unlearned, ignorant child with a mental illness. Someone became very dedicated to playing into my paranoia by editing my posts. These were the “man-in-the-middle attacks,” stated earlier. I may have brought this on myself, but it didn’t cause me to submit less material, instead, it only impassioned me to overcome the obstacle of “ghost in the machine”. At first, even I questioned my sanity. I though, maybe I just didn’t see the errors and maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. However, I started to become more rational and realized significant almost juvenile changes to my writings. Plus my writings on paper would only include two or three errors as oppose to ten or eleven. Some may say this is because the change in the speed at which I was writing, but often recognize evident errors that I did not make when I initially wrote the article. I get the feeling they know I’m a perfectionist, so to occupy much of my time, they insert petty errors. I wasn’t sure who was doing it, or if it was a devise attached to my screen name that automatically installs errors, or the most likely possibility, it was both human and bot attacking my credibility, for some of the errors were minor, but some were mocking, making small changes that would completely divert the message of the paper. Many times I lost emails in the process of submission. Not to mention one time where in which I submitted a thread and the result was that a notice appeared on the screen calling the submission an “invalid session”. There was one other thing I forgot to mention. It was on When I was on this site, someone had a picture attached to his profile that is revealed when he posts. I could be wrong, but the picture looked like me extinguishing a fire. It was a shadowy figure amidst the fire. The gestures he had made looked like my own. I asked him about it soon after saying, “is that suppose to be someone extinguishing the fire?” The reason it was weird was because earlier on the forum I had propagated one of my theories on fire and ice. In realist America, people advocate the use of fire against fire. What I had propagated was the use of ice to extinguish fire. What this meant was that I was promoting the use of offensive diplomacy marked by Love and clemency or any other emotion that is on the side of Love, in order to dissuade hostility and amend rivalries. His answer however was that it was someone shooting flames. This is based on assumption, so think of it what you will. After awhile, my dad advised me to stop posting on these forums, but I didn’t follow his advice. I did not want to lose and retreating would be losing.



Registered Member
At some point during my infatuation with forums I also became obsessed with Google. It all started when my brother was so immersed into his research, that he would spend nights surfing on the internet for clues and conspiracy. During this time, he was severely affected by mind control, and nearly committed suicide. At one point, he got the people who had been elusively and covertly communicating with him to text message him, after he provided his cell phone number by typing it into the search box and pressing return. During this event, he was trying to provoke them to action. He wanted to martyr himself to his cause. However, once he went outside to await his impending fate, I typed into the box, “If you kill him, I will not forgive you”. I’m not sure if that changed anything, but I believe the message got across. I admire my brother for his courage during this whole event. Without him I would not have been able to handle the pressure of being targeted as a supposed co-conspirator. Nevertheless, he passed his obsession onto me, for I could not bear the fact that someone was acting as an enemy to my brother. So, I began talking through Google daily. In the beginning I believe I received a few messages. One of which was, “don’t be disheartened, your more known than you think you are,” or something along those lines. I wasn’t sure how they perceived me, whether as a gambit, or something completely different. I was consumed by them, wondering who they are, and what all did they know. Meanwhile, my brother was actively searching into the lives of some of his supposed enemies. He would usually keep seeing Darpa, Carnegie, MIT, and Birmingham (which was the location of the moderator with the alias Horatio Caine. I also found people who would dispute my beliefs, basically denouncing them, who were located in Birmingham). As expected, this stirred my suspicion. I don’t trust anyone on forums, nor do I trust classmates. I get the feeling I am unknowingly known in my school as well. Especially after one time during this semester (to which I dropped out of despite having A’s in every class for the first time in my life) when in class, one of the students mentioned my article on campus security, to which two other students knew of. The first person to mention it didn’t really say anything except that he was trying to understand it, but another said it was awful, and those working on the Montage considered not publishing it. Anyway, back to Google. During my research I would come across various links that said “slave with invisible chains”and “life of a lab rat”. This irritated me, but instead of ignoring it, and focusing on my studies, I aimlessly sought answers, and would waste ample hours talking to Google. I also got the feeling that whoever was occasionally controlling the search results was trying to get me to believe various things, like, that I was the upcoming prince. I found a website that spoke of the upcoming prince months after submitting an article titled “rhetoric of a prince”. Also, around this time my laptop was hacked for a second time, but this time more severely. I am fairly sure it was ESPN poker club, for it happened after my brother got on and starting exasperating the moderators by exposing them and attempting to manipulate them. Luckily I still had a desktop computer which I used to continue my Google hypnosis. During this time I would continually question whether human intervention into the search results was real or just my imagination. They had a way of enticing me as soon as I would lose interest by inserting a message resembling my life or beliefs. However, not until recently did my Google career yield some response. It was last weekend. This was when I found the NSA sight and others. This was also when they finally confirmed my paranoia. This is how it began. After researching the NSA sight, I had many thoughts. At this point, I went outside, where I could think clearly, and wrote a long paper elaborating on my experience. It was not this paper that provoked them to action. Once I returned to my computer, I started copying the paper. I wasn’t merely just copying the paper though; I would build off my previous thoughts, into other thoughts which had been releasing some of my inner-contempt for whoever had been targeting me. I was amazed at the thoughts I was typing into the computer. It was, without a doubt, the most cogent prose I have ever written. My thoughts were racing, but I was keeping up with them. Some of what I had been saying intuitively exposed the mentality of these people. During writing this it felt as though my mind was being affected, and I would periodically shake my head to remain focused and impervious to any possible hindrance to my writing. Midway through copying the article, with a page or so added on, the document vanished. I was infuriated at all the passion that was erased. Some say it could have been a bug, but I disagree. This time they were not going to trick me into thinking rationally, shunning any possibility of interference, which is what happens to most people who are affected by technological intrusions or interceptions. I told my dad and step sister what had happened. My step sister was amazed but she didn’t think I was insane or anything because of all the invalidated evidence I told her. Subsequently, my dad got on my computer. He tried to see if he could recover the file and in 15 minutes or so, could not find anything but an untitled document, outlined in pink. When you press paste it would paste the first sentence along with the screen that had been saved at the point of completing the first sentence. My dad found it weird as well. After venting to him and my step-sister, I returned to Google. I was furious. Normally I would maintain my composure, and live the philosophy of Jesus, disregarding any hate thrown my way. This time my rage was uncontrollable. I was typing incessantly into Google, receiving ironic responses most of the time. The communication is not as efficient as you might think I am implying. I don’t think that they can read my mind, even though research and development is working on this. Most of the relevancies are merely artificial intelligence at work, as if Google is a self-aware human. The weird thing about the responses is that they shared the same mentality that incensed me on the political forums. It was as if my reality was artificial and I was talking to robots, while humans study the interaction. I thought back to Myspace. Things just didn’t add up. I always had many Blog views, but few profile views. Also, there is a scam message on my Myspace that says, “If you want to see how many people and who really looks at your Myspace, click here”. All of this came to mind. I continued outwitting the comments that a person most likely inserted beforehand in Google. Many things were said by them. Some of which are “you are our antithesis, that is why we induce misery,” “love is your weapon,” “we won’t kill you until you reach the top,” “you are a bigger thread than Al Queda,” “you can’t have privacy in your own room,” “you have done more than you know for America,” links titled the “McBride Farm” and the most confirming, “listen to the poster and stop drinking your kool-aid,” which had been the exact words a poster used in response to my thread. None of these had a real connection to the link attached. This time I was not fazed. Just so you know, prior to my smoke break I opened this document and nothing was there. I opened it again, and my document was there. It was one of there jokes that made my heart drop. During my smoke break small errors were inserted into my document. I am literally at their mercy. At any point and time they could erase this article. This would be devastating. All day I have had anxiety, worrying about the protection of my document. I trust them to an extent, it is hard to explain. I feel as though if I don’t trust them, they will increase there tactics to teach me a lesson. Ok, so returning back to the story, I was not fazed. I had a very heated conversation with their prepared responses. I can’t remember all that was said but this was when I realized that they are not invincible to words, and they as well, are human, with hearts. I walked downstairs and vented some more to my step sister. Then another thought struck me. I once again felt clemency. I wanted to join them, so long as they followed my guidelines and ended the corruption that is causing many problems in the world today. In short, I wanted to be their leader, with equal responsibility and value to them. Once I got upstairs to share this idea my computer started scrambling. The favorites file opened up, and each site was turning grey, one by one down the line. To prevent any damage to my computer, I turned it off from the switch and took a break. Later, when I turned on the computer and attempted to look at my search history for my Google account, I noticed that my account was either no longer active, or completely erased. Music continues to appeal to my senses. This was when I decided it was time to seek help and that is why I came to this hospital. I could not share my story in the environment of my own home. Too many factors and so little privacy deter my focus and prevent thorough explanation. Thus far nothing significant has happened, however, I have not been trying to communicate through Google. I did once, and I got a response saying, “your philosophy is garbage,” but that is really it. One thing that did happen while I was in here was when I signed on Myspace, I got a message from Tom, the creator, telling me my site had been phished by evil hackers. He provided a link so that I could change my password and reactivate my account. The perennial question that comes to mind after this experience is this; how do we trigger the sentiment of the conformist and escapist to realize covert security agencies need to be countered with amalgamated efforts demanding privacy rights for citizens?

This leads us to the other topic that has been concerning me, which is medication. My question is how can they properly diagnose me if they don’t believe any of the things I am saying? Already, since I lowered my dose of Seroquel I feel less sedated and more alive. It is a good feeling. The theory I have came to regarding medication and patients and pretty much many issues facing the world today is that the minority creates the majority through persuasive coercion. Currently, I face the most important decision of my life. Whichever path I choose will alter my fate, and possibly prolong the corruption that connotes capitalism, and the lack of liberty that connotes conformity. I am unaware of whether I am Bi Polar or not, but I do realize that the severity of my mood swings was never so extreme until I began mood stabilizers. I believe I have characteristics of Bi Polar personality, but I doubt the influence genetics played. I suppose I may have been predisposed to getting this illness, but if it was not for the machine, them and medication, illegal and legal, I doubt that I would even have been diagnosed as Bi Polar. Even after this diagnosis, I doubt the efficacy of medication. I have this belief that characteristics of Bi Polar personality may play an indispensable role in liberation. I have heard Abraham Lincoln is Bi Polar. Jim denies this, but who can really prove the past? If Lincoln was Bi Polar, without him, the indelible stigma of physical slavery may not have been resolved until a later time. My goal is to extricate the mental slaves, accused of mental illness. These are my options. One, I consent to mood stabilizers, continue my work, and reach a level of success that will satisfy myself, but may not entail changing the world we live in. Basically, this would mean conforming to society, at a lesser level of functionality, in which will ultimately allow me to reach prosperity for myself (or maybe not), causing little to no harm to family, but coping with the zombie-like lifestyle of a bi-polar patient. My second choice is continuing to take Adderall, my batteries, weaning off the mood stabilizers, possibly without the doctors assistance, and seeking anxiety relief medication for depressive episodes, if not provided by the doctor, than obtained in the real world, where in which marijuana would substitute prescription drugs. This choice probably frightens the doctors, but there are some great things about it. It is true that mania may skew rationality, and involve periodic debilitating depressive episodes. It is also true that my energy, obstinacy and deliberate attitude will reach its summit, allowing me to use this condition, a blessing and a curse, to society’s advantage. The point being is, without these characteristics, the machine may be indestructible, meaning dichotomies of intellect and wealth will continue to expand, and leadership will be left in the hands of humans who lack both the energy, faith, and optimism needed to get out of war, reform the system to the advantage of the common good, abrogate the power of the dollar, and use this paper (money) more constructively, for means of positive reinforcement, reconstruction, and eradicating poverty (as oppose to wasting money for military means, and illicit problematic technology) The reason I feel we need a temporary dictator with bipolar characteristics, is because people are discordant considering they have been deceived, and characteristics of bi polar include an infectious personality that is not influenced by the obstructive rationality of normal individuals who make progression towards utopia and global/domestic cooperation impossible, and war, and the extinction of civilization, inevitable. Nevertheless, my treatment is still placed into question. I keep hearing from doctors and patients the benefits of mood stabilizers; however I continue to fear it may have effects on my concentration and memory. I try to be an advocate of natural remedy and the healing power of God, but doctors, patients and all citizens doubt the effectiveness of spiritual cures. I am mistaken when I say that doctors are subjugating minds to preserve the status quo. It is not the doctors, it is “them”. The doctors are however, reluctant to assist possibly misdiagnosed or properly diagnosed Bi Polar patients desire to stop taking medicine because some are brainwashed by textbooks, and some merely fear Bi polar patients free in society. This is the epidemic I face. Cynicism and naivety aside, rationality tends to be ambiguity and leadership requires certainty.

By: Zachary Scott McBride

Yes.. You really need to edit it a bit.

It's kind of funny to read the ideas you have on leadership, though. It's similar to what some neocons I know would say if they didn't think anyone else are around. That people are weak, and need leadership and certainty in order to be useful human beings. Instead of difficult emotional wrecks without aim or meaning in their life.

You know, it would be funny, in a way.. if it wasn't for how popular those kind of thoughts are among the elite in the States. And how popular it is to.. aspire to that kind of leadership role.