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Summer's Eve

SuiGeneris

blue 3
Bleh no clue why I'm posting something up here. NO laughter please.

Just comments/criticism etc....

Summer's Eve​


The Summer's Eve,
is a place to go,
to escape our world's,
wintery blow.



Hold me close,
And jump right off,
go to SUmmer's Eve,
Where our dreams are made of.

Clean up your cuts,
forget your scars,
take this plunge with me,
off to where our memories are.

I've seen their faces,
those demons you hide,
lets go to a place,
Where only angels abide.


Baby, just hold your breath,
and jump right in;
Summer's Eve is waiting for you,
its time to be forgiven.

This cold winter;
will freeze your heart,
each gust carries a sin;
each sin will tear you apart.

But baby theres a way out,
a place to make a brand new start,
Take my hand; its not far from here,
It begins, right here, in your heart.

Ignore the pain,
don't let it hold you back,
Summer's Eve is calling,
Its time to get on the right track.

So baby...just hold your breath,
and jump right in.
Summer's Eve is waiting for you....


Its time to be forgiven.....



Yeah...thats it for now...
 
B

barfootboards

Guest
its good, i like it ... although i know nothing about literature so me saying its good might not mean much lol
 

SuiGeneris

blue 3
Hey thanks. Well most of the time people that read literature "know nothing" about literature. I'm not one of those literature elitists who only value the thought of other writers and everything.

So thanks :)
 
D

dias2525

Guest
It was well writen. Very desceptive. I'm not sure if it is a love poem though, it could be religious. I think you have potential. Don't forget that poems don't have to be long. The greatest of poems are no more then 8 lines.
 
S

Sorayoushi

Guest
This poem gave me a serene, safe and calm kind of feeling. I really liked it. The flow is smooth and there's even a rhyme to it. Great job
 

SuiGeneris

blue 3
dias2525 said:
It was well writen. Very desceptive. I'm not sure if it is a love poem though, it could be religious. I think you have potential. Don't forget that poems don't have to be long. The greatest of poems are no more then 8 lines.

Its actually not either. I mean I guess you could call it a little bit of both. It was written for my friend who was going through a tough time, she was blaming herself for a suicide of one of her friends. And I was talking to her about it, and this poem just kind've hit me.

Summer's Eve was really just a metaphor for a better place. Instead of being stuck in the cold hell she was in right now; she needed to open her eyes; and just take that step over. (Or take the plunge)
 

Icyblackflame

Registered Member
I found this very funny. As you know from our convo, the first thing I thought of when seeing "Summer's Eve" was that "feminine wash" spray stuff. Imagine reading

"Baby, just hold your breath,
and jump right in;
Summer's Eve is waiting for you,
its time to be forgiven."

and

"Ignore the pain,
don't let it hold you back,
Summer's Eve is calling,
Its time to get on the right track."

under that impression. Pretty funny stuffz. But other than that absolutely stupid concept, this was a very awesome poem. I like how you're so descriptive and gentle with your words. I still think some of the rhyming could have been better (again, I know that that is very hard, and you still made it nice). You said it takes around 10-15 minutes to write these poems? *Jealous* I'd probably takes me that long to think of the first word of a poem.

I should probably stop commenting now. My useless words have been said, and your time has been officially wasted reading this.

Remember CRACK IS WACK! (Sorry. Whitney saying that was absolutely hilarious. Just the thought of her saying something like that.
-Icyblackflame

PS- Just now, I mistook the title for "The Bummer's Eve." (You are now free to go to another country)

...Shut up...
 
H

Herr Gestalt

Guest
Seems pretty lyrical. I can picture it working even better to music.
 
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