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Critique Star Wars Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker

Did you like Star Wars Episode 9?

  • Total voters


Well-Known Member
I picked up Rise of Skywalker from my local Best Buy yesterday. They're still open, you just have to order online and have them run your order out to your car.

After watching the movie twice (I originally watched in IMAX), I have to say I really like the film. JJ Abrams did a really good job with it considering the state of the storyline when he got the franchise back. I was very satisfied with the way Rey's and Kylo's stories closed.

Not the best but nowhere near the worst Star Wars film.

What were your thoughts?


Trust me, I'm The Doctor.
I liked it! I rank it above all of the prequel movies and both of the preceding sequel movies but just behind the original trilogy. I feel like it did a great job of closing up the story after the mess that was created in The Last Jedi.


Problematic Shitlord
Raw. Boiling. Dumpster juice.

Rise of Skywalker is an absolute jank-fest that relies solely on nostalgia and does nothing to resolve or fix any of the burning remains of Last Jedi. I'd happily watch Episode two twice in a row than be forced through ten minutes of this fucking mess.

At least a few chunks of the half-eaten corpse of the Star Wars film franchise can be laid at Rian Johnson's feet but holy hell, Rise of Skywalker had one clear goal in mind: be at least five times worse than the prior entry. It was clearly rushed with a paper-thin plot that relies on endless MacGuffen hunting and pointless characters with weak performances strung along by conveniences so obvious that it would have been less offensive for JJ Abrams to have including an intro where he spreads his ass cheeks apart and rips a fat beefy fart right in the audience's faces.

I'll say that I've never had a lot of emotional attachment to Star Wars. Sure, I had toys and liked the movies as a child, but it was a few notches below video games, WWF, Pokemon, Sonic, and Indiana Jones in term of Kid Merc's favorite things. Side note: It's a shame that you have to validate and express your fandom when it comes to Star Wars since those who like the new trilogy are often treated like idiots by the other group, which is the sweaty neckbeards who could tell you how many hairs were on each of Han Solo's eyebrows. In each movie. All that matters is if the film is enjoyable and if you can turn your brain off, then yeah I guess you've got an okay ride through some standard Disney CGI blockbuster action. But if you wanted anything else, you're not getting it.

Weak ass characters that continued to have zero development. Mary "Rey" Sue still continues to be stunning, brave, and faultless in everything she does. Fucking yawn. I'd argue the whole reason this trilogy does not work for so many people is because the main character is as flat and dry as a wood board. Daisy Ridley can act, but Rey is boring. There's nothing fun about a character in a lengthy narrative that goes through little to zero conflict because that in turn means there is no development and without development we are not given a human being. What we are given is a droid with less personality and interest than R2D2.

"I need to be trained by Luke, the greatest Jedi ever! PFFT. Nevermind, fucking boomer. "

"What's that? I've lived my entire life on a desert planet and not scared or surprised by massive walls of water in any way? I mean, obviously."

"Beat a Sith apprentice with way more training than me in our first engagement? Yeah, why? Are you a misogynist or something?"

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The movie's plot was written by Bethesda since it basically amounts to a ninety-two step fetch quest. Oh and the villain? He was totally dead before but that's because ... he was a clone! He's just been secretly amassing A MASSIVE FUCKING FORCE of super space ships in TOTAL SECRECY. Underwater. Because reasons. He was just waiting for the First Order to be fucking annihilated before he did anything. Again, because reasons.


Also "No Rey, I am your ... father, er, grandfather!"


The best part of this movie is that Rose Tico is nowhere. Dropped faster than the US stock market, Rose's character is mercifully pushed to the side. No hate to the actress, she wasn't exactly given a shining role but my goodness was she the worst in Last Jedi.

Oh yeah and space horses. Fucking space horses. Because that is DEFINITELY what we needed, another Ewok situation where the wildlife should have been obliterated but somehow have a fighting chance?


Part of me feels that there was no way for this movie to be good. It's hard to follow the worst entry in the series especially when it essentially ripped apart every plot thread and idea from the first film, injected modern politics and sociology, and gloriously ravaged any real chance of the sequel. It's no wonder the critics lit this film up.

And if your answer to any of this is that it "subverted expectations" then you are likely suffering from brain damage and should see a doctor immediately.

Also, fucking space horses. Horses on a Death Star in space. You ain't Rohan, baby.