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Speed dating advice

Daemonic

Registered Member
I know this topic is going to completely contradict what I said about not dating yesterday but bear with me. I said I was putting my defenses back up and not dating, but as some of you know I had 2 occasions this month that brought up emotions, one with an ex, and the other with a girl I liked in the past that likes me. So my mind is kind of a clusterfuck....

Anyway, I was doing good at getting my defenses up but had a few drinks last night (which I'm sure surprises nobody, but that isn't the point.) My defenses went down and I guess with what I had felt this month I had the desire to meet someone, romantically I will point out so nobody thinks I just want sex. So I signed up for a speed dating site which I like the idea of anyway because you just talk to random people around you for a few minutes and move on if you want.

When I woke up at first I was pissed as hell at myself for spending money on a dating site but started thinking.... Why the hell not give it a shot? I mean I signed up and can meet a large amount of people in a short time speed dating. I looked at my history and apparently had conversations with 38 people in a night. I think talking to that many people in a short time raises my chances of finding someone I may actually be able to connect with that wont just end up annoying me.

Anyway, I have a major dilemma, I haven't actually dated in a while and as some of you know have PTSD and some anxiety issues. These issues prevent me from working so when the question comes up about work I noticed I lied a few times and said I'm a student (which I know is the wrong way to start) but the truth is so embarrassing. I ask a friend about it and told her I felt bad bout the lie and didn't know if I should tell the truth. She said to be honest but I can't figure out how to word that in a speed date without turning everyone off I come across. Any advice?

Also, I had no problem being chatty last night but now that I'm sober and anxious I don't know what to say. Anyone I have dated even somewhat recently I already have known. In the past I had no problem but I guess I have a hard time figuring out what to say now because it's been so long.

I guess I'm looking for any advice on how to handle dating with my issues that won't just turn people off right away.
 
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Dabs

Registered Member
They always say "honesty is the best policy' and they say that, because..it is!! As uncomfortable as it will make you, you really must be honest with people. Because when you lie, it only gets built into a bigger lie, then one day, when they find out (and the most usually will), they will become upset with you over the fact that you lied in the beginning. Then they will feel as tho they can never trust you again. And that's not what you want. Just tell them you are not working at the present time, but you have such & such in your plans for the near future. Good Luck!
 

Daemonic

Registered Member
Good point, I didn't think about bringing up future plans after saying I'm not working.

Thanks!
 

Merc

Problematic Shitlord
V.I.P.
To be honest, you don't sound like you're ready to date anybody.

I don't mean that as an insult, as mean that as a way of telling you that there are things it seems you clearly need to work out first. You don't seem capable of taking care of yourself yet and simply put, if you can't take care of yourself then you can't properly take care of other people. I know how it feels, to be that lonely and to feel your heart being pulled in several directions. What you have to do is work on you first. If anything, it will mean that women will naturally gravitate towards you rather than you looking for them. That is, once you've worked on yourself.

Speed dating is a novelty kind of like the lottery. Your likelihood of finding something genuine is low. We all want to help you here Sonn but it seems quite apparent you have to help yourself first.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
I wish these had been invented back when I was single. As an older person now, I can think of creative questions that really tell you a lot about a person. Rather than ask just about career, college, income, previous marriages, travel experience, consider more subliminal looks into what kind of person they are.
 

Dabs

Registered Member
@ Shel, you are braver than I. With those speed dating thingies, you get what- all of maybe 10 minutes or less with each person? How am I supposed to ask all the right questions in that short amount of time? There's bound to be a serial killer in there someplace, and I'd prolly end up with him.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
@ Dabs....well I'm good at first impressions and bad at sustaining. As time passes my expectations rise. Actually when you're screening someone 10 minutes is a long time. Ask a question like, "what do you do if someone cuts in line?"
 

Daemonic

Registered Member
@ Shel, you are braver than I. With those speed dating thingies, you get what- all of maybe 10 minutes or less with each person? How am I supposed to ask all the right questions in that short amount of time? There's bound to be a serial killer in there someplace, and I'd prolly end up with him.
Yea, I did a little reading on speed date tips and discovered with that there is no reason to avoid just asking the important stuff right away.

Such as.....

Speed Dating Tips & Advice - How to Make the Most Out of a Speed Dating Event!

I think I'm better at this than I would be on a regular dating site. I have found I don't get on here often and still get anxious but if I'm in a chat with a random person I'm more likely to just talk. I tried a normal dating site a long time ago and never could get myself to message people. I also think this may help me a little with my social problems since I have to read up on socializing and dating. Normally, I'm very socially awkward since I don't get out much but was not always that way. Const said I may not need to date right now but I think if I go along with this and don't have high expectations it may help me a little with socializing. I talked to my mom though and only down site is it was $39.99 for a month but if I had got 12 months it was $15 a month. The problem was if I got a year it was one lump sum to pay all 12 months. Since I'm low income I didn't want to charge that. My mom at first sounded annoyed I spent the 40 on this but when I told her about the year thing she said I should have just charged that and go a year because I would meet more people and be paying much less in the long run if I like it and want to sign back up. I wish their was a way to change my membership to the year plan after talking to her but I don't think there is.....

I thought it was kinda weird though that my mom went from annoyed to wanting me to do this. She called me after being mad said that she thinks seeing that girl and getting out made me in some way want to get out more and not be so lonely So she understood why I spent the money and told me I should have got the year, lol. I think she hoped in some way this will get me socializing and maybe out more. I do think my profile looks stupid though because I'm not good with that kinda stuff but whatever. I would assume people are more worried about the speed date than my profile, I hope.
 
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