Ok, here is my next attempt to try and get you all to understand me... Excuse me for the disorganization... Despite the poison, my mind is still strained by excessive thought. I will fully consent to treatment if any one of you can answer me this. Why only after the spirit entered me, has my mind been flooded with emotion and my belief system conform around divine morality? Why did the spirit enter me only after it said this would happen in the Bible? Is it possible I wasn't smitten with illness, but rather purified by divinity? Is it possible what you denounce as a delusion and an illness may in reality be an epiphany and a gift? I can't let psychiatry replace God. Another question, Why since the epiphany do I see currents of smoke surround me when I look for it? Don't say excessive dopamine because I'm on medication. And what about the footsteps? (darkened imprints in the grass) to which both my mom and step brother witnessed... If they were a creation of my mind, why do I remember picking particles up from them and placing them on the bench? Is it possible no one remembers and I have no proof, so faith would remain? What is the point of misery if it doesn’t lead to glory? I don’t want to be honored when I’m gone, I want to be honored while I’m here, nor do I want to get well if she remains the same. I feel like a tragic hero with only esoteric significance and it pains me. I am a paradox; wise as a fox and dumb as a nail. I am the epitome of vanity and egoism, but for the common good. Why when I hear Love songs, do I always think about God? I don’t mean to compartmentalize, but does God make females out of men, or men out of females? Are emotions strengths or are they weaknesses? I am most strong when I exert chemicals, weaker when I try to be happy. Have I lost or is this the top? If this is the top, I realize why I’m so lonely. I was rational yesterday, as a result I was enraged as if someone stole my favorite possession, and I clung to the remnants of smoke I saw. I am shackled, but gave Him the key; I don’t want it, for the pain comforts me, although I’m exhausted. Am I saved or is salvation out of reach. Don’t worship me; don’t follow me, for my body is an idol. The medication was to no avail, for in fear, I rebuked its effects to keep the comfort of my prison. Who are we to teach dancing children, are they not the teachers? Give me leadership, not rules and boundaries that entice my rebellion. You say this is no Revolution, when my words are its essence. I can’t hate something I don’t Love. I’m most famous, but a stranger wherever I roam. Why do they fear consultation? This is the next turning point. Forgive me for living in the past, don’t follow me, and instead walk with me. Jesus is my teacher, despite appearing as though he is my student, ahead of His time, forsaken, so I would be saved, as is He in Heaven. My thoughts bring guilt, synchronicity, and then remorse. You know me as well as I; completely, but not at all; I am Love by all, with no friends, only distant family. Stop reading my future and I will that of the world, for you and it remains a mystery unlocked… Don’t be jealous, for you and I are the same. Alive one day, dead another, the more I focus, the less I remember, unconformable, yet rigidly conformed, REJOICE, LOVE, AND TELL ALL!!!