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She's not putting effort into the friendship, what should I do?

dois20

Registered Member
So theres this girl that I work with, and I've known her for a year, we spent an amazing summer just hanging out and at the end of the summer I asked her out and was told that she was not rejecting me but that she simply did not have enough time for a commitment like this and that maybe in the future sometime something would happen. She said it would just be unfair to both of us because we wouldn't be able to see each other as much as a relationship should be. I understood it for a while because she has school and works full time, but...(read on).

That was a month ago. So what not happy about is three things. The first is that now that she knows that I like her (which was a shock to her when I told her), when we're at work she still talks about how people tried to pick her up and how she saw this cute guy her bla bla bla. Thats nice I know that she rejected me and its none of my business but shouldn't she have the decency not to talk about other guys in my presence.

The second is that she should've just told me that she doesn't like me instead of sugarcoating it. Everytime I see her she's telling someone else how she went out that night, and how she went to a concert that night, and how she saw her friends that night...If she liked me and had even this much time than she could have made it work.

The third thing is her friendship. She wants to be friends which I didn't after she said no but I feel like I owe it to her just because we had such an amazing summer. But, now that I know she's not potential anymore theres things I don't have to put up with. This friendship is a one way street. She never texts me or calls me or asks to hang out, she seems not to care about me at all, not like my other friends. She's still totally normal just like in the summer but now because I'm trying to get over her I see these things happening. Its like shes not putting in any effort into it. I know she cares but its just her style of friendship, and it doesn't jive with mine.

So what should I do? I've tried to get over her but everytime I see her she'll talk about other guys or having fun and make me jealous and its back to square one. How should I go about this situation?
 

generalblue

Where is my Queen?
I think you should just distance yourself from her and think about what is better for you and not her. She sugar coated your rejection and she probably doesn't think that highly of you if she is making those remarks. I have been your situation multiple times and I found it best just to distance myself away from her and find out what is best for me. 100% of the time I realize I can do without her in my life and I move on.
 
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sunrise

aka ginger warlock
V.I.P.
The first thing I would ask dois20 is what do you want from the relationship? Do you wish to continue to remain friends and only friends or will you always be looking for something more? It may be that you have slipped into the boy friend zone and that is all she is looking for, someone to count on whenever she needs to bitch and see advice but nothing more than that. This might sound very selfish on her part but she may not know she is upsetting you, have you spoken to this girl about how you feel? This does seem to be upsetting you quite a bit and if you feel this will continue to upset you I would walk away.
 

dois20

Registered Member
I've tried to distance myself from her but I can't because I work with her. I've stopped texting her, talking to her on facebook. But I may not see her for a week or two but then one day she'll be at work when I come in. And then just because of the way she acts she gives me "hope", she still flirts a bit sometimes too.

I'm going away in a few months for half a year and I plan on completely loosing touch, but until then, it really sucks.

And I feel like i do want the friendship. She's an amazing person and we have so much in common, but if only she tried like I am. Its not that shes not interested in friendship, I know that from the summer, its just her way of going about it..
 

generalblue

Where is my Queen?
I've tried to distance myself from her but I can't because I work with her. I've stopped texting her, talking to her on facebook. But I may not see her for a week or two but then one day she'll be at work when I come in. And then just because of the way she acts she gives me "hope", she still flirts a bit sometimes too.
She seems like a big tease in my opinion Dois. I know this is easier said than done but maybe you should completely ignore her and have her come up to you if she really wants to be friends. Kind of like test that women like to give men.
 
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sunrise

aka ginger warlock
V.I.P.
She seems like a big tease in my opinion Dois. I know this is easier said than done but maybe you should completely ignore her and have her come up to you if she really wants to be friends. Kind of like test that women like to give men.
I disagree, I think they both want different things from the relationship, as I say, she may not even know she is doing it, some people just flirt without thinking about it.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
I think it's better to be honest with her and let her know that it bothers you when she talks about other guys asking her out. Ask her politely to now talk about that stuff in your presence...given that she knows you like her.
It's very disrespectful what's she's doing. Just like ginock says, hopefully she's not doing this on purpose.

You need to evaluate this friendship and the time you spend together. If she's trying to make you feel bad and jealous than she's not worth your time.

You need to understand what her intentions are.
 
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