Shared Custody

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Impact, May 23, 2009.

  1. Impact

    Impact Registered Member V.I.P. Lifetime

    So recently, a family member got divorced, and as a result of the custody battle they got shared custody, with the kids spending one week with their mum, and the next with their dad. I think this is complete utter bullshit. IMO kids should be brought up in a stable environment, not being switched between homes every other week. I'm not a parent, but surely it can't be a good thing for the kid, and if you loved them that much you'd be able to come to an agreement where one has full custody and the other visitation rights.

    So, what are your thoughts on shared custody? Be nice to hear some thoughts from people who are actually parents.
     

  2. Bliss

    Bliss Sally Twit

    It depends on how old the child is. If they are old enough to understand the reasons they are being treated like a yo-yo then it's alright. Obviously I don't think it's nice for any kid to go through such a thing but it's better than only seeing one parent.
     
  3. Atreyu

    Atreyu #2 New Zealander

    My parents split three-ish years ago, and I have shared custody, although it's not a big official thing. I spend three weeks at each house since dad works on the rigs on a 3 on, 3 off schedule. It does get a bit tiresome moving around but three months makes it ok since I get a decent amount of time at each house. A week is just stupid.
     
  4. Jeanie

    Jeanie still nobody's bitch V.I.P. Lifetime

    While it's true that kids should be brought up in a stable environment, it's equally important that they spend as much time as possible with both parents to foster good relationships. Kids are remarkably resilient, and can adjust to almost anything. My niece and nephew spend 4 days a week at my sister's, and three days a week at their dad's. This has become normal for them, and therefore they do have a stable environment. Both places are their home and they feel equally comfortable at either house.

    Contrast that with my daughter - she does not like going to her dad's house because it's not very cozy and she doesn't have her own room there (yet). I think my niece & nephew are better off because they don't resist going to either place as both places feel like home, and my daughter resists going to her dad's sometimes. Granted she's much younger than they are, but all the same I'd prefer she felt as much at home at her dad's as she does with me.

    Divorce sucks no matter what the situtation, it's never ideal, and keeping kids away from one of their parents only makes it worse in most situations.

    edited to add: if these family members mentioned in the OP can make this work, and have an amicable parenting situation, more power to them. That's great for the kids
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2009
    Bliss likes this.
  5. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    My mom had full custody so I can't imagine if it we had a 50/50 arrangement. The first time I heard about it from my friends later, it seems chaotic to me. But it's a set up that can work and you get used to it. In fact it's encouraged here recently for reasons Jeanie already stated.

    My own stepdaughter used to only visit us a few times a year. We were long distance non custodial parents and shared custody is just impossible. She naturally bonded more with her mom, because of the set up and probably because of the gender identification. It would have been better if we had more custody of her. She's all grown up now and she realised all the time missed from the arrangement. Since she's more mobile and the distance doesn't seem to be an issue, she's catching up with our side of the family.

    Eventually, what would disrupt the kid more is if there's too much difference between mom and dad's house and if the parents were consistently in competition. That's more unstable than say living in two houses with loving and parents who are "together" (on issues) and don't make life harder for the kid than it already is.
     
  6. AnitaKnapp

    AnitaKnapp It's not me, it's you. V.I.P. Lifetime

    If the parents can make it work...and if it doesn't put the kid in a different school district bouncing back and forth...I say it's not stupid at all. Like Jeanie said, kids can adapt to most things.

    However, I would say it depends on the child's age and if they can convey what they want yet. My parents are divorced, and I didn't get along with my father...so that would have been a nightmarish situation for me.
     
  7. Devonmaid

    Devonmaid New Member

    Im in a situation with shared custody, one week at each house. My children are older and have coped with it fantastically and why do you think that is not a stable environment? Surely it is how you treat your children and how much love you show them with boundaries and respect that counts? And how would you feel if you were the one who only saw your children over a weekend?
     

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