Shallow or Preference?

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by Iris, Apr 10, 2010.

  1. Iris

    Iris rainbow 11!

    I noticed in another thread that k3m0r thought that one example was shallow, while CG disagreed. So what are your thoughts? Where is the line that differentiates what is shallow and what is a preference?

    What are some things you consider a preference? Maybe you prefer this over that in the gender you like.

    What are things you consider shallow?

    I know we've had a thread like this before, but I went back a bit into D&R and didn't see it. So I figured it was safe to make again, especially with all of the new and awesome members we have.

  2. Th3Pr3Tz3l

    Th3Pr3Tz3l Registered Member

    This is a very hard question to answer.

    I'd say when you like the person but wouldn't go out with them because you don't like an attribute of theirs, then that is being shallow.

    But if you like someone and would prefer they didn't have an attribute, but still go out with them then that is a preference.

    You're shallow if you take your preferences too far. For example, I prefer to date other white people, but I wouldn't decline if that Asian girl asked me out. There's nothing wrong with her.
  3. Wade8813

    Wade8813 Registered Member

    I think I'd agree with Pretzel (2), but I'd caveat it - it depends what it is that makes you not go with them.
  4. PretzelCorps

    PretzelCorps Registered Member

    It's shallowness when a person you really like refuses to go out with you and goes out with someone else, but it's preference when that person refuses to go out with someone else and goes out with you.
  5. idisrsly

    idisrsly I'm serious V.I.P. Lifetime

    LOL @ Pretzel (1)

    We all have different values, standards and we all expect diffirent things from life. It's easy for someone to look from the out side and say I am shallow because I expect certain things, but not settling for less than what I am used to does not make me shallow.

    IMO, I don't see why I need to 'settle' for anything less than what I am used to, especially considering the fact that I don't just sit back and say I want this and that... I actually go out and make things happen for myself. If I have more in life it's because I got it for myself, so to be with someone they would need to deal with that, firstly and secondly, they would need to keep up with my lifestyle.

    That's what you get for being single 29 years. Independece can be a curse...
  6. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    And why is it wrong to go out with whoever you want to?
    Everyone has the right to do that. Just because they like you, doesn't mean you should return it back to them.

  7. JessEpiphany

    JessEpiphany Registered Member

    I think being shallow is when you can't look beyond those physical preferences and you fail to see/care about the person on the inside as well.
    Like if a man meets a woman who is a great personality match and yet he doesn't want a thing to do with her because she's an 8 in the looks dept. and he's holding out for a 10. (And he may find a 10, but she might be a total bitch or just plain crazy. ;))
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2010
  8. k3rm0r

    k3rm0r Registered Member

    Basicly what triggered me with the post is that it seemed like she based her dates on aperance.. wich is beeing pure shallow.. Yeah sure. u have to have some sort of physical attraction to the person u wanna go out.. u cant live without it. but if u have criteria like u posted.. it just makes it silly imo.. but hey. I'm different, u are different.. it's all good. Everyone is entitled to their own oppinion
  9. PretzelCorps

    PretzelCorps Registered Member

    So, uh, I think you may have missed the point...

    Anyways, what would strike me as a real identifier of shallowness would be situations where people put far more stock into looks than any other trait, such as a situation where the guy is excessively controlling or even a physical threat to the girl, but the girl convinces herself and (tries to convince) others, "No, no, no, I swear, he's really the sweetest guy ever! For my birthday last year, he only slapped me once!"

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