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Sex Change

generalblue

Where is my Queen?
How would you react, if after several years of being together, married or not, and your signiifcant other revealed to you that he/she had a sex change operation a few years before you met??
No doubt it would be shocking!
But, would you...could you??....remain with them if your relationship was stable at that time.
Or would you walk away??
I would get a divorce, no if ands or buts, a divorce. If I found out that my wife used to be a dude, I wouldn't know if I could live life anymore. It's not like Clark Kent telling Lois that he is Superman. He/she/it will be out of my life forever.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
it would be shocking, but it wouldn't change who he/she is. If the relationship was otherwise stable, no I would not walk away.

I think, though, that I'd be a little hurt that it took him/her that long to reveal something like that, and I'd wonder if there was a fundamental trust issue.
I agree with this. I am usually an open minded person so just the fact that my partner was formerly a girl wouldn't make me vomit and :bolt: without weighing in the other traits and qualities that he has and what we've had together. However, in this case the thing that would bug me more is that it took too long to reveal it -- several years? -- that's too long for me to not have trusted me about something so important.
 

Major

4 legs good 2 legs bad
V.I.P.
I would end the relationship, no doubt about it. First, there's the trust issue. Second, there's the thing about having children. And third, it would go against my religious beliefs.
 

Hiei

The Hierophant
Why would it be shallow if we broke up with that person?
That's because you're "supposed to love the person that you're with for who they are, not what they look like." I don't believe in that bull shit line, and I've accepted that that's considered socially shallow for me to feel that way.
It would be shallow of me because I'm not loving the person for what it is anymore, I'm actually getting away from it for what it looks like, so to speak. In my mind, that would still be a guy, just that he has a mutilated penis.

Wasn't he shallow in the first place for not telling the truth?
Lying is the easiest way and if he didn't care then why would I care about that relationship anymore?
I wouldn't say that he was shallow for not telling me that he was a guy, I'd consider that more, insecurity. It didn't want to tell me that it was a transgender because it knew that I'd end the relationship.

When something shocking happens in a relationship, I can't act as if nothing happened, otherwise that would be shallow.
Once again, I wouldn't consider that shallow to act as if nothing happened. That'd be denial.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
That's because you're "supposed to love the person that you're with for who they are, not what they look like." I don't believe in that bull shit line, and I've accepted that that's considered socially shallow for me to feel that way.
It would be shallow of me because I'm not loving the person for what it is anymore, I'm actually getting away from it for what it looks like, so to speak. In my mind, that would still be a guy, just that he has a mutilated penis.
Agreed but, I'm not breaking up with the person because "he" looks like a girl. If "he" looked like a girl in the first place, I wouldn't mess with "him". So If I'm in a relationship with an ex-girl (now boy), it's because I loved "him" for who "he" is, because I was attracted by "his" personality, without knowing about his original gender.
But now that I find out that "he" has lied to me all of these years, then it's not shallow if I break up because of "his" deceiving personality and looks.
 

Hiei

The Hierophant
Agreed but, I'm not breaking up with the person because "he" looks like a girl. If "he" looked like a girl in the first place, I wouldn't mess with "him". So If I'm in a relationship with an ex-girl (now boy), it's because I loved "him" for who "he" is, because I was attracted by "his" personality, without knowing about his original gender.
But now that I find out that "he" has lied to me all of these years, then it's not shallow if I break up because of "his" deceiving personality and looks.
I think that you and I operate on different wave lengths because it seems like we just do not agree on anything.

To me, if you are a post operation "girl" that used to be a guy, that's just a cosmetic operation. Having a mutilated penis that might resemble a vagina, to me, is still a physical issue. I would end the relationship with that person for a slew of different reasons, trust being one, and having a mutilated penis would be another. Having a mutilated penis is a physical issue, and I consider any physical issue to be a shallow reason to dump someone.

All of that aside, I'd still be completely mind fucked and maybe even traumatized by that. Possibly to the point of never discussing that person ever again as long as I lived.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
Having a mutilated penis is a physical issue, and I consider any physical issue to be a shallow reason to dump someone.
There are many types of physical issues and not all of them could be considered shallow.

Supposing that in the first few months of your marriage, your wife develops a certain disease in her genital which will prevent her from having sex and giving birth to children for the rest of her life.

I know you don't like having children, but supposing you'd die to have children and supposing that you consider sex to be an important element of a lasting relationship, would you still see it as shallow if you broke up with her because of a physical issue she's having?
 
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Hiei

The Hierophant
I would consider that a medical issue. That's not a choice that she made to not have children. Though, I'd still consider that a shallow reason to leave someone. There's always the argument that you could adopt. If you like everything else about that person, but there's just something physically wrong with them, then it's shallow. As for the having sex thing, I think that's also something that you could work out with your partner. I'm not sure exactly what you COULD do, but I'm sure something could be done.

Lazy eye, missing a limb, horrible burn scars, mutilated penis-vagina, whatever, it doesn't matter to me, they're all shallow reasons. But, I'm ok with being a shallow person.
 

wolfy

Registered Member
Huh.. I'd be very shocked! I don't see that ever having been a possibility with anyone I've dated, though, because.. it'd be easy to tell, if you were sexually active with the person.
 
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