Sex before marriage

[thealigator]

I cannot speak for other religions but one of the main rules of the christian faith is that there should be no sex before marriage. This is also true in certain cultures however without knowing enough I would not wish to comment on them.

But culture and religion aside if you got into a relationship with someone you liked and they told you they did not believe in sex before marriage how would you react? Would you accept their wishes and be respectful? Would you try to talk them around their beliefs or would you simply walk away? How moral is it to do the last two? Should sex really be that big of a factor? How do you feel?

 

[Crouton]

Lol, it's not even legal for me to get married in my country yet. So I'd be VERY surprised if I ever met a girl who has the whole "no sex before marriage" idea.

 

[Major]

We've had these topics here before and blanket statements usually get tossed around about how either having sex before marriage or not having sex before marriage will likely spell disaster for a relationship.

But I don't think there's any one right or wrong answer. Every relationship is different and people have different needs. What works for one couple might not work for another. Not everybody needs to take their partner for a "test drive" before being able to commit to them for life, while maybe others do.

The most important thing is that both partners are on the same page. If you have to change your partner's mind about waiting until marriage, or having sex before marriage, then things probably won't work out.

 

[Crouton]

I honestly think no sex before marriage is the worst idea ever. Sex compatibility is a thing... it exists! Two people can have wildly different ideas about what they want in the bedroom, as well as very different libidos etc. It seems dangerous to wait until AFTER marriage to figure this out, seems like a sure-fire way to destroy some relationships.

 

[Bubbles]

I'm South Asian and pre-marital sex is heavily frowned upon in our culture, especially if you're a woman. In fact, sex is so rarely talked about that I never even got the "birds and bees" talk from my parents. Everything I learned about my sexual health, contraception, pregnancy etc was through sex education classes in high school and my own research. I'm from a culture where arranged marriages are still the norm and while that may work for some people, I always thought it was kinda crazy to be married off to a complete stranger and have him be your first and only sexual partner regardless of whether or not you have any chemistry together. My boyfriend (an Italian) once joked that by "brown people standards I'm a slag (not a virgin and still unmarried into my late 20s) but by white people standards I was wholesome as fuck." There's a kernel of truth to every joke. With that being said, times are changing and people are becoming a bit more accepting but we still have ways to go. But that's just the opinion of one insider and hopefully that sheds *some* light on the whole cultural aspect of things.

Anyways, I personally believe that sexual chemistry is important in maintaining a healthy relationship. It certainly doesn't account for everything, though, but in my personal experience sex with my partner is more about emotional bonding than just getting off. If there's no chemistry between us, we're not gonna bond very well at all. Waiting for marriage (while noble and admirable) seems like a really good way of getting trapped in a sexless marriage if you're not sexually compatible. Every sex positive person deserves to have an SO that is attracted to them.

At the end of the day, it's a personal choice and you should do whatever makes YOU comfortable. If that means waiting till marriage then more power to you.

 

[Hilander]

Each to their own when it comes to sex before marriage but if I were thinking about marrying someone I think I would want to try it before I buy it.

 

[Babe_Ruth]

To each their own, but I do believe that sex before getting married is healthy for both partners since it's such an intimate thing. I don't know how people wait til their married to have sex. I would go crazy.

 

[EllyDicious]

As much as I would respect the idea of someone who doesn't want to have sex before marriage, I wouldn't put up with that and I'd respectfully walk away. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors (among many others) in a relationship. It's another type of chemistry without which the relationship might fail if there is no compatibility.

 

[Hilander]

I agree with Elly and I would add one more thing. What if the person has some strange or different ideas about sex you can't stand. I would hate to get a surprise like that after we were married.

 

[Major]

What if the person has some strange or different ideas about sex you can't stand.

Odds are that they wouldn't be waiting until marriage to have sex if they already have strange ideas about it. Besides, that's something you could find out before actually getting married. If you get married and then later get a bunch of surprises, your relationship is probably going to have a bunch of problems, whether they pertain to sex or not.