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Seeking desperate advice for my relationship

QweQwe123

New Member
Hello there I mainly joined this forum to seek advice with my relationship. I'm 16 and am going out with a beautiful girl, in my eyes, she's perfect in almost every way - gorgeous, funny, understanding and caring, but I spend EVERYDAY with her! I've been with her for 2 and a half years now and I know it seems stupid to say, but I think I'm in love with her? I love her family and being around her - but sometimes I feel controlled. I recently googled 'is my girlfriend controlling' and noticed that a lot of what my girlfriend does is actually controlling behaviour. I, for example really enjoy going to the gym (I have a home gym) and I do with with a friend. The problem is I can't do a session without either texting her to tell her I'm nearly done, or saying sorry for missing your call - my family (who I don't get on with, atall) are also telling me that she's controlling "every aspect of my life: who I'm with, what I'm doing…"- my family don't get on with her, an she doesn't get on with them. *I mean, I've never ever cheated on her and I wouldn't, but she also has admitted that she doesn't trust me?! I apparently look at other girls (I don't think I do) - even if I did, surely that's life? It's natural? Also she's always complaining that I'm not romantic enough, she's not happy and all kinds of stuff. I work weekends, we see each other everyday even after a tiring day of work (I don't feel as if I can just come home and sleep) she keeps me up until 2ish in the morning on the phone talking to her. I know she loves me and she finds it hard to just chill out on her own watching a film or doing whatever, but I need space but the problem is I'm too scared to tell her. I've mentioned in the past that I may think we spend too much time together (which, everyday for about 9 months is a lot?) and all hell broke loose. I had to change my wording and convince her I didn't mean it - also, shes constantly saying to me "tell me how you feel" all that stuff, but the truth is I really don't feel I can? I really really like her and I know I'm young, I feel as if nobody actually understands our relationship, at all. I've included just half of the things that is on my mind but please, help? Just advise me - I really don't want to hurt her and myself but ending it, regretting it! Please give me your honest opinion I will be grateful. This is so hard at the moment…
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
Ok, well.....as a "girl" that has been guilty of doing what your gf is doing, I say confront her about the behavior. If she is basically a good person, and you have strong feelings for her, then I think it's very worthy of a heart-to-heart conversation. It will help you both grow, and in the end, she'll be grateful to you. Yes, it'll be super ugly !! You'll just have to be courageous about it. You probably need to get someone that is objective, wise, experienced, and older to mediate.
 

QweQwe123

New Member
Thank you for your advice! The problem is, I'm bad with wording, and I tend to fuck things up in situations like that!? I shouldn't do it by text, should I?
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
Nope, this is serious so you can't do it by text. Get someone more experienced to guide you through this. Do you go to church? Or have a school counselor? Confront it with the intent to fix it. Be ready for a bad ending or a good ending.
 

Vidic15

No Custom Title Exists
V.I.P.
I am in the same situation as you and with my girlfriend I never find it as a case of being too controlling, I always see it as a case of she loves me so much that she always cares to ask me what i am doing, where I am and all that because admit it, you'll never find anyone else who does the same thing. I'd rather my girlfriend knowing and caring of what I do instead of her don't because I am type of a guy that loves the attention my girlfriend gives me because I am in love with her.

Nothing wrong with being in love, I am 19 at the moment and have been with my girlfriend for almost three years. I can't say it's been the best start but over the years, we've clashed and resolved the conflict without breaking up, it only makes us stronger. You definitely need to have the talk with your girlfriend but it's always good to return the favour you know? Like she doesn't like it when you look at girls, just say "Yeah well, you look at guys too but don't see me complaining about it?" Even if she doesn't, it's a good thing to use to even out the playing field.
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
She sounds insecure in your relationship to me and that brings out her controlling side. I'm kind of like that, if I don't think the person I'm with really loves me then I feel the need to know everything that they are doing. I got that way because of cheating then had a hard time feeling like I meant anything to him and became jealous of anyone that he would look at. Which he didn't stop at just looking like you do so I had good reason to be suspicious of him. Still it sounds like insecurity issues which you really do need to talk about.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
Nearly all teenage girls have a degree of insecurity. And yes, it can be at the root of possessiveness and controlling someone's behavior. Ultimately though, the OP has to help her grow. It is he she will probably be most receptive. As long as he presents it with the intent to help their relationship, and not with an air of complaining about her.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
If you tell her that you think you're spending too much time together, that isn't good. Girls are neurotic. :lol: We start to think "doesn't he want to spend time with me" "what did I do wrong" etc. Maybe tell her you love spending time with her but lately you've been tired and if you skip a night or two, it will allow you to get rest and you'd be in better shape the next time you see each other. Make it sound like you care about quality time together than quantity which is important to you.

Also, I don't know your history but it seems that you've also set a pattern with your girl. In the beginning we like calling every minute, saying all the trivial things we're about to do and just finished doing, and later it's just not as "cute" anymore to do it. But since you've created a habit, your partner is used to it that when you change it - you feel you have to apologise for each no-call/text, or give other something to worry about because she'll wonder "he used to do this..." Yes, even your sorry is a pattern and a habit. Try to break the pattern a bit and not apologise about it, but each time you see or text her, assure her of your feelings and act like nothing is wrong, maybe she'll get in tune with the new schedule.
 
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