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Romantic vs sexual love

Sex vs romantic love


  • Total voters
    9

AnitaKnapp

It's not me, it's you.
V.I.P.
For me, personally I would be unable to accept sex for me or my partner outside of the relationship. If it's casual then that is fine, but if I'm in a relationship with someone then I don't really like to share, and I don't like for them to find sex outside of the relationship. So...I think for me that is the first poll option.
 

Bubbles

I ♥ Haters
While I am very opened to it I find women mostly say they want monogamy and then go off sleeping with other people.
Well, here's the thing, guys do the same thing too. Maybe, even more than girls.

Anyways, while I agree with you that different people have different turn ons, I personally feel that an "open" realtionship makes your relationship look like a cheap joke. If you or your partner desire sex from other people, then what's the point of being in a committed relationship? You might as well fly solo and just be "fuck buddies." I dunno, but that's just how I see it.
 

Daemonic

Registered Member
Just wanted to add after reading over my first post there is something I should have worded differently. I stated societies views on this have driven me away from wanting a relationship. What I meant isn't necessarily that I want a girl that insist on sleeping around. I've had a few experiences with people that say they are monogamous screwing around. So if a girl does want sex outside a relationship she should admit she does not agree with the way most people view sex and relationships, what she should not do is tell me she follows that view and then go screw around. I can be monogamous or open depending on the other persons feelings.

So it isn't so much societies view that has turned me off but the fact so many people are not honest about their own views on sex and relationships.
 

Ilus_Unistus

Registered Member
First, I voted "sex is not what makes a relationship" and I believe this. I was going to share about something that happened a few years ago with me, but after typing it out I could not post it. It is just not something I feel I can share because of the embarrassment I would feel from it.

I understand about "open" relationships though, and for some I guess this works, but for me if I loved and had a romance with a guy, he would be the only guy I would want to be with sexually. I know what you mean by seeing another and feeling an attraction, but for me sex is not what makes a relationship, but it goes along with the relationship.
 

Daemonic

Registered Member
Yeah, I agree it is a big part of it, sex with someone you are in love with is different than someone you are not romantically in love with.

gahh, now that I think about it I do see what was meant about the poll. There are too many possible views for those limited options. I should have had more options or left it out and just kept it as a general discussion, oh well, too late now. :-/
 

Ilus_Unistus

Registered Member
Yeah, I agree it is a big part of it, sex with someone you are in love with is different than someone you are not romantically in love with.

gahh, now that I think about it I do see what was meant about the poll. There are too many possible views for those limited options. I should have had more options or left it out and just kept it as a general discussion, oh well, too late now. :-/

It is still a very good topic, there is no right or wrong but is interesting to see peoples views.
 

Zappa

Registered Member
Also, while I cant go into the past and say how it worked out there have been places and times where it was socially acceptable to have sex outside marriage
The most interesting example I've read of this is ancient Sparta. In that culture, there was no marriage, men slept with different woman and the resulting babies were raised by the whole community, without knowing who the father was. Really interesting stuff, check out Plutarch's Lives, under Lycurgus.
 

generalblue

Where is my Queen?
I voted sex is not what makes a relationship. I am an old fashioned type of guy and this poll to me doesn't really make since to me because if I voted sex is limited to one person I agree with that, but sex is not what makes a relationship. I am a one woman kind of man, and I can never cheat on my girlfriend. Also, me and her haven't done the "deed" yet because we only been seeing each other for less than a week now, and have not even discussed about bumping uglies yet. My last girlfriend, we were together for quite awhile and never did the nasty and it did not effect our relationship, I respected that she wanted to wait. :D
 
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Arathald

Registered Member
I didn't "dodge" or "miss" anything, actually. My remarks were simply confined to the specific subject at hand. We're trying to differentiate between romantic and sexual attachment here; does the matter of conjugal rights and responsibilities have something to do with that?
I didn't mean to imply you didn't consider it, I only meant that you didn't say it (which I figured to mean it was intentionally outside the scope of what you were sayng, which is why I broadened the discussion).

My dissenting thought is this: while it may sound virtuous in the abstract, concerning oneself only with the needs of the other is a recipe for disaster in real life and a logical clusterfuck. I'll use an imaginary couple to illustrate: if Al ignores his own need to abstain and has coerced sex with Bob in accordance with your view; he is, pardon the expression, getting royally screwed. So would Bob be, if he thought only of Al's wishes and refrained from asking. Seen from the outside, there's no parity in either scenario. And how would "relationships are all about the partner" work, if asexual Al and bawdy Bob did seek to implement this selfless course of action simultaneously?

There are no easy answers sometimes, but I have learned this much: if you want your relationship to endure and to remain healthy, you'd better look out for your best interests as well as those of the person you make your own.
Of course you have to take anything with moderation. If you partner's needs are to physically harm you, then you shouldn't be 'meeting' those needs. I wasn't saying that each partner needs to ignore his or her own needs to fulfil the other's -- if each partner is cognizant of and sensitive to the other's needs, a balance should be able to be found (but you are right, this shouldn't be at the expense of on'es own needs, although self-sacrifice and comprimise are also often necessary).

Now, in the case of your hypothetical, this may be exactly why certain people are unable to have good relationships with each other: their needs are conflicting. If one partner has a need for abstinence, and the other a need for sex, they're going to have some trouble.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
So it isn't so much societies view that has turned me off but the fact so many people are not honest about their own views on sex and relationships.
That's why it is important to find a partner who you can be open with and talk freely about your sexual views not limited to what society expects of you. I've had friends who are quite open about their "deviancy". :)

As for the poll:

Sex is limited to one person
Sex is not what makes a relationship

Sex can be with various people, but certain cultures frown upon it whether the person is already in a relationship or not. However, I feel that monogamy is the way to go when you get into a serious relationship because part of the commitment you make to the person is to not share yourself as intimately with others. It's not just about sex, it's all the other package...it might be a selfish point of view but if I declare to be emotionally in love with someone, I strive to give my "all" to that person and only that person coz it's kind of hard for me to actually think of anyone else in the same manner. And if I think my partner is capable of doing that, then he's not as serious with me (just because I'm using my standards here, like "what would i do").

I do know of couples that are in open relationships or swinging. If both are in agreement then it works for them. But if only one is into it and the other is just trying to be nice or understanding of the other partner's need to explore other people's bodies, then it won't work.

As for "sex is not what makes a relationship" - it alone doesn't, but it plays a significant role in a romantic relationship and moreso significant if the relationship is purely sexual.
 
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