Romantic vs sexual love

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by Daemonic, Sep 12, 2010.

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Sex vs romantic love

  1. Sex is limited to one person

    33.3%
  2. sex is not what makes a relationship

    66.7%
  1. Daemonic

    Daemonic Registered Member

    I wanted this poll to see everyone's view on romantic and sexual love. I will be blunt, if I attempt to date girl I'm straight forward. I prefer monogamy but can date a girl that wants sex with other people and even kinda find it hot. My point is I think sexual love can be based on sex and not something to get worked up about.

    I think men in today's society over react when it comes to sexual attraction. As far as I am concerned if my girl is attracted to a guy she should fuck the shit out of him and get it out of her system. All I care about is her emotional love.... but it should go the same way for the guy.

    but the way society views this has driven me away from wanting a relationship.....

    So, is sexual and romantic love different or must they be the same and limited to one relationship?
     

  2. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    We are animals when it comes down to it, we want physical attention. To me, any healthy relationship is equal parts mental and physical satisfaction. Very, very few relationships have ever lasted on one without the other. If you have no problem with that sort of thing, then great. I also have to ask something though. What have your relationships been like in that past?

    Ultimately though, "open" relationships rarely work. I've yet to see a functioning one myself.
     
  3. Daemonic

    Daemonic Registered Member

    See, this is where my problem is.

    While I am very opened to it I find women mostly say they want monogamy and then go off sleeping with other people.

    What I care about is honesty so to answer your question.......

    Quite a few of my relationships ended because a girl did not follow what she said was her sense of morality...

    Like my ex fiancee, it didn't bother me that she was a stripper or prostitute that was safe about it but what pissed me off is she lied about it to my face.
     
  4. Arathald

    Arathald Registered Member

    I can't really answer the poll, since I don't quite understand the choices or necessarily feel that I entirely agree with either option, but here is my opinion:

    I believe that in the context of any kind of relationship besides something like (excuse the crudeness) 'fuck buddies', for both people, sex should only be between the two partners. If a relationship isn't serious at all though, sleeping around isn't really a problem, at least as far as the relationship is concerned.

    The situation I get in, and that I suspect girls often experience as well, is that guys often only want sex, or they want a relationship to revolve around sex. I'm not interested in a relationship if that's what it's going to revolve around it. I want to get to know a guy first, and then if I know he's someone I want to be with, then we can explore sexually. The other way around just doesn't seem right to me.
     
  5. konboye

    konboye Registered Member

    Who is this guy? Always getting everything right, your poll really is just too narrowly thought out. And what kind of guy would want his girl to have sex with some other guy, thats just crazy and sinister. We all want to be monogamous, believe me, even guys that cheat, tthat'swhy they try to hide the fact that they are cheaters. But sometimes, the spirit is willing but the body takes over and shit happens. Last real relationship I had, my gf cheated on me. Since then I don't even try to be in a relationship anymore, its fuck buddies i want these days, not just because I am wary but because I am not in the mood for anything serious and I am up-front about it. So, it varies, some guys might like a relationship, some just want to fuck, some want a threesome etc.
     
  6. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    What do you mean by "work"? How can it work? They get married after they have been in that type of relationship?
     
  7. Tucker

    Tucker Lion Rampant

    I see "libido" and I see "lust," but there's no Wiki for anything called "sexual love." I think that term conflates two separate things whose differences are frequently misunderstood. We test our ideas with a truly open-minded look at the real world: can there be a gratifying sexual relationship between two people who don't love each other at all? Those who've been there say yes. Can a couple have love if neither has a sex drive? Again, reports from the field indicate in the affirmative. With these examples in mind, it becomes clear that we are talking about two different things. The fact that they mainly occur simultaneously is no proof that they're one and the same. It's only when one partner has an expectation which doesn't get met and subsequently makes an issue of it that relationship problems arise around sex. I can't see what that has to do with love at all.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010
    idisrsly likes this.
  8. Arathald

    Arathald Registered Member

    I think this somehow both hits the nail on the head and dodges around an important point at the same time. I fully agree with everything you say here, but here's what I think is missing: being in a loving romantic relationship means that you should strive to fulfill the needs of your partner. In most relationships, this means that sex is an integral part of a healthy relationship. If you and your partner have no sexual needs, then you can have a great relationship without sex.

    And there are some needs that supersede sex. For example, if either partner believes that they should wait until marriage to have sex, that is a need I believe should be respected. And as long as you don't put off sex forever, I think you can keep it in your pants for a year or two, that never killed anyone. I know some now-married couples that I know incorporate sex as an important part of their relationship, and it wouldn't work without sex, but it also worked for them to wait.

    In summary, a healthy relationship is not *about* sex or anything else like that, but about fulfilling your partner's needs, which may or may not include sex.
     
  9. Tucker

    Tucker Lion Rampant

    I didn't "dodge" or "miss" anything, actually. My remarks were simply confined to the specific subject at hand. We're trying to differentiate between romantic and sexual attachment here; does the matter of conjugal rights and responsibilities have something to do with that?

    My dissenting thought is this: while it may sound virtuous in the abstract, concerning oneself only with the needs of the other is a recipe for disaster in real life and a logical clusterfuck. I'll use an imaginary couple to illustrate: if Al ignores his own need to abstain and has coerced sex with Bob in accordance with your view; he is, pardon the expression, getting royally screwed. So would Bob be, if he thought only of Al's wishes and refrained from asking. Seen from the outside, there's no parity in either scenario. And how would "relationships are all about the partner" work, if asexual Al and bawdy Bob did seek to implement this selfless course of action simultaneously?

    There are no easy answers sometimes, but I have learned this much: if you want your relationship to endure and to remain healthy, you'd better look out for your best interests as well as those of the person you make your own.
     
  10. Daemonic

    Daemonic Registered Member


    By sexual love I don't mean being "in love". There are many different kinds of love, when you fall in love with someone else I consider it cheating. I believe some people are just naturally more sexual than others. If they can be honest about it with their partner I see nothing wrong with it. The reason I view honesty as being important in open relationships is because if you lie there is a reason. If you lie it most likely means you feel guilty which means you either broke your own sexual morals or it was more than just sex. Both of those things I do consider cheating.

    @kon, why is it crazy or sinister to find the idea of your partner with someone else hot? Plenty of people have different things that turn them on. It may not be how most people feel but "crazy and sinister"? Not sure why you feel the poll was to narrowly thought out but I thought it was quite simple. It basically ask if it is acceptable for people to view sex and romance as two separate things in a relationship, I don't know what else you wanted from it.

    Also, while I cant go into the past and say how it worked out there have been places and times where it was socially acceptable to have sex outside marriage.

    Here is a quote from part of an essay I had to write on the history of a pagan holiday for a class....

    For a long while even after Christian marriages had replaced handfastings, the rules of fidelity were more relaxed during May eve rites. These rites worked as a muse for some writers such as Rudyard Kipling in the poem “tree song” which in one part reads,

    “[FONT=&quot]Oh, do not tell the Priest our plight,
    Or he would call it a sin;
    But - we have been out in the woods all night,
    A-conjuring Summer in!
    And we bring you news by word of mouth-
    Good news for cattle and corn-
    Now is the Sun come up from the South,
    With Oak, and Ash, and Thorn!”[/FONT]

    Are you saying cultures of the past were all crazy and sinister if they viewed sex outside of a relationship differently? It was spiritual........
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010

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