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Stupid Romantic misunderstandings


I ♥ Haters
Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what a pedophile wants. Thank god I don’t care….

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Stranger: m or f

You: f ;)

Stranger: tell me more

You: okay...

Stranger: cum on ;)

You: well the earth was created 3.5 billion years ago from swirling gasses that permeated the universe unless, of course, you believe in creationism. in that case, the earth was created in 7 days by god and dinosaur bones were put in the ground by the devil to tempt us

Stranger: no no more about sex

You: ohhhh right…

You: well, there are birds and bees, you see

Stranger: human sex

You: and somehow they get together and make babies…. i think the bees squirt pollen on the birds or something…. i’m not sure…i ain’t no mothafuckin biologist

You: ah ok i see, my apologies

You: um, okay...there are males and females, the males are XY and the females have XX chromosomes.

Stranger: tell me what you do with there parts

You: well, if i were a black market body-part saleswoman (which i'm not) i'd sell them to the highest bidder

You: i've heard kidneys go for $10,000 each…. Not that i’ve ever tried to sell one or anything

Stranger: i see

Stranger: so what do we do with my hardness

You: i don’t follow

Stranger: sex

You: i'm female…. a pretty 14 year old female

Stranger: i am male

Stranger: 27

You: that's great!

You: got a pic?

Stranger: yes

Stranger: do you

You: nope :(

Stranger: why not

You: I’m not allowed to have a camera… my mommy says cameras are from the devil

Stranger: i am playing with something hard right now

You: a g.i. joe doll? OMG!! SWEET!

You: or is it a stone?

Stranger: something rock hard

You: like the rock of gibraltar?

You: or titanium?

Stranger: throbbing rock ;)

You: rocks don't throb, unless it's some star trek episode or some shit…. do you wear a blue shirt?

Stranger: i have no shirtss on

Stranger: and no pants

You: ah so you're like captain kirk after he finds some strangely colored alien tail?

Stranger: yes

You: sexay!

Stranger: you like captain kirk

You: well, no. not exactly

You: i’m more of a spock woman. pointy ears make me horny.

Stranger: so you like to be naked

You: sure why not

Stranger: what else do you like

You: but not naked and barefoot in kitchen - that's the woman's place, goddammit!

You: well. i've got a hot body, all sexy like and shit

You: at least, that's what my bitch kay tells me

Stranger: how sexy

You: really sexy

You: i'm well endowed, if you know what i mean *wink wink nudge nudge*

Stranger: no tell me

You: i’m hung

Stranger: how much

You: a lot, like 10 inches

Stranger: thats fucking sick

Stranger: bye

You: wut???

You: dude, i'm talking about my boobs!

Stranger: 10 inch?

You: yaahh. you obviously don't know much about female anatomy

Stranger: yes i do

Stranger: now start over

You: okay... i'm really well endowed, like, 10 inches

You: better?

You: i just don't understand you guys - you're all so un-specific in your questions

Stranger: what is 10inches?

You: mah boobehs

You: i have 10 inch boobs

Stranger: bra size

You: no that’s just how far they stock out

You: *stick out lol

Stranger: very nice

Stranger: nipples

You: i can barely see my penis past them

Stranger: what?

You: lol whoops, that came out wrong

You: what I meant to say was, i can barely see my scrotum past them… my beautiful scrotum

You: my penis is in full view tho and it looks awesome

Stranger: are you a dude or a ladies

You: i'm a ladies dude! oooh-yah!!!

You: or i'm a dude's lady

You: or i’m a dude that looks like a lady. whatever. who cares

You: hellloooooooooo?

You: was it something i said? i'm sorry...i can change my answer if it'll make you feel comfortable enough to unclench your anus

Stranger: are you a girl or not?

You: what did i say?

You: oh god, i'm such a confused little girl...*cries*

Stranger: no you not

Stranger: youare a guy

You: I AM A GIRL!!!

Stranger: then what you talking about your penis for

You: so i made a few mistakes, said some untruths...you've got to believe me when i say i'm truly a 14 year-old girl from albania!

You: it was a joke mr. serious! sheesh!

Stranger: o

You: *sighs*

Stranger: so get back to describeing yourself

You: ok i'm a cute little girl with 10-inch boobs and a ridiculously long penis

You: oh and a scrotum

You: and said scrotum contains my bountiful testicles

You: love me!!

You: LOVE ME!!!

You: GODDAMNIT LOVE ME!! do you have some sort of problem with a cock wielding 14 year old girl or something? i’m just as god made me, sir!

Stranger: no

Stranger: had to go piss

You: oh sweet!

You: so you wanna have sex then?

Stranger: sure

Stranger: how about your pussy what does it look like

You: ummmm…

You: so yeah… i'm rubbing my meat microphone against your bung hole

You: do you want me to use lube or do you like it rough?

You: *sighs* don’t ignore me…. you can stick your penis in my ass too if that'll make you feel better… come on, live a little!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
What a waste of time. I’m going to sleep.