Rap song i wrote

#1
Hey this is a song i wrote.


MY life-----------
By
My life is like a big monster.
A monster always getting in the way of my
happines. My life is like a fucked up game.
Scratched up, and no one knows who did it. My
life is like the pursuit of happyiness,something
i pursue, but never will get. My life is like my
mother, something that is always bitchin at me
and eggin me on. My life is like having crabs in
your balls, ones that never bother you unless you
can't be bothered.
My life is like a quote taken from a good
statement, a good example, and a nice reference
for others to learn from.
My life is like the Beatles on Ed Sullivan in the
60's. You can't hear the music,
but instead the screams.
I'f my life don't matter and my talk is for real
I should prove it to the world-and accept the devil's first deal.

And this is the note that I'll leave on the floor
as i take the first step and close the next door.


---------------------------------------------------------------
Is it good? Should i continue song writing?
 

FindMuck

Registered Member
#4
There is much more to rap, poetry, and any other kind of artistic writing then trying to explain how bad ones' life is by using rhyming allusions to pop culture. Keep trying, but I would say to study the art a little more before you actually sit down to persue it.
 

Merc

Certified Shitlord
V.I.P.
#5
Your ability to implement metaphor is laughable. These are downright terrible comparisons you're making. Although, the Beatles one was pretty good, the rest of it was very, very weak.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
 

Jeru

Registered Member
#6
My life is like a big monster. A monster always getting in the way of my happiness.
:shake:
My life is like a fucked up game. Scratched up, and no one knows who did it.
:sigh:
My life is like the pursuit of happyiness,something i pursue, but never will get.
:yawn:
My life is like my mother, something that is always bitchin at me and eggin me on.
:comfort:
My life is like having crabs in your balls, ones that never bother you unless you can't be bothered.
:paperbag:
My life is like a quote taken from a good statement, a good example, and a nice reference for others to learn from.
:facepalm:
My life is like the Beatles on Ed Sullivan in the 60's, you can't hear the music,but instead the screams.
:whiteflag:
I'f my life don't matter and my talk is for real I should prove it to the world-and accept the devil's first deal.
:headscratch:
And this is the note that I'll leave on the floor as i take the first step and close the next door.
:paperbag:


...try again my dude
 
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