Rap/Poem...thing FEEDBACK

Discussion in 'Art & Creative' started by redsoxocd, Nov 17, 2009.

  1. redsoxocd

    redsoxocd living on the border

    Okay so my friend and I decided to battle each other and see who could write the best rap/poem beginning with the first line "Life is shit". We were supposed to work on it for 1 period and it give it to each other before the next one. He took 2 periods and then barely wrote anything...and didnt use the right first line...but yeah, here is mine:

    Life is shit
    Its definately a bitch
    Got me running round in circles
    Thinking I cant change
    This life that was made
    For me, walking round these streets
    With my head bent low
    Feeling like I cant speak
    My mind, cant look them in the eyes
    Show 'em how I really feel
    Cant be my real
    Self, cause I'll get in trouble
    Gotta live my life in my own little bubble

    Living my life in solitude
    Got no one who care about me
    Gotta keep on eyes open
    When I got to sleep
    Cause you'll never know what can happen to you
    When your life is a show
    And everyone's laughing right through
    The episode

    I gotta run and hide
    When the bottle is in his hand
    So he cant whoop my behind
    But it never works
    Waking up in the morning
    With welts that hurt
    I cant even move
    Because the tears will stream out
    And if he steeing them coming down
    He will just shout
    Louder

    When I walk past the guys
    I see them looking at my body
    Licking their lips
    As I sway my hips
    I know what theyre thinking
    That they want to hit this badly
    And that scares me to death
    I cant even take a breath
    Cause I never know if theyre
    Going to choose to destroy

    Its happened before
    Holding me down on the bed
    After he locked the door
    Covering my mouth
    So no one would hear my cries
    The fire is burning in his eyes
    As he tries to push himself deep inside
    My treasure, thank God he couldnt get in
    And he let me run away
    I still fear that I'm going to see him
    Even to this day

    And that now even half of it
    But its bringing up too many feelings
    So I have to end this
    But before I go
    Just thinking about what I said
    Life is a bitch
    Its definately shit


    so yeah...I wrote about my real life experiences
    The ten lines he wrote were about shooting people

    what do you tihnk.
     

  2. Shooting_Palanx

    Shooting_Palanx The Rock is cooking atm..

    Not bad....a little simplistic, but good effort.
     

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