Rantings that freaked my CW teacher out...

Discussion in 'Art & Creative' started by lil_red_riding_hood, May 11, 2007.

  1. Red Ribbon

    Ribbons of red curl to the floor, resting happily in a pool of calm.
    She exhales. Crazy.
    Hurting herself is the only way she finds relief. Drugs cover the pain, sex worsens it. Crying is impossible. Words hold no value. One ribbon onto the second and her vision is filled with stars…………………………………………………………………………... Her sobs shorten to chokes that shorten to gasps. She talks to herself with one word that sums up everything.
    "Okay, okay, okay..."
    She curls her fingers in, feeling her heart contract. Red beads, like jewelry, her thread... Trail of blood and amens. Greedily she wipes off what is left. She pulls on all her clothes to cover up her sins.
    The cracks in her porcelain skin become irrelevant.
    Heroin
    It’s like a film strip. A syringe full of memories and all you have to do is push… Calm. Even if you wanted to scream you couldn’t.
    Not that you want to.
    Sleepy smiles and ssslurrredd words follow the sharp pain of regret.
    Junkie………………………………….collapse……………….collapse…………………....
    Arteries collapse.
    Black encases your veins and even in your calm you know when you wake again
    (if you wake again)
    the pain will be the same. You are the past.
    It’s like a film strip, unchanging, saving all the good times in.

    Friday
    I don’t want to be here anymore… I hurt. It kills. I want to slice my skin open until I bleed out everything. I want to take that razor and pierce all the way down to the muscle tissue; until my arm goes numb and I cry out from pain.
    BREAK ME DOWN.
    I want to fucking die.
    I push away everyone that cares about me, afraid if they see me and hate it then I’ll be alone again. I’m alone anyway… It stays the same, you know.
    …I want to burn a hole in my throat…
    I just want to feel again.

    Myth and Phetamine
    Have you ever wanted to feel like god?
    I have.
    For a moment at the old house I was god. I walked around the structure carrying my light bulb of destruction. My pupils overcame my iris so I took it all in. Every shadow that leaked from the house I absorbed.
    Deep--------in too deep
    Breathe in… Feel the shards of glass settle in your lungs and appreciate every megalomaniacal thought you have.

    Pride
    There’s so much pressure in my head, pressing against my eyelids, turning my stomach. I want to burn out every inch of me, burn it out until all the light dies…
    My shoulders are tense and it follows to my toes. Every part of me refuses to move, because if it did, if I moved… I would crumble.
    I grind my teeth, mashing them together, inflicting injury somehow, someway that no one can see.
    No car, no money, no apartment… Nothing.
    The one thing I’m losing is the one thing I tried so desperately to hold onto….
    My pride.


    -Jasmine C.
     

  2. fleinn

    fleinn 101010

    ...You know, these lines (without the quote/artificial pause)...:
    ..sound really great. On first glance, I guess it's tempting to say that if you could find a way to soften the rythm of the "...and amens".. (and maybe the last line with "....irrelevant" in some way), it would be a bit more indirect, and so easier to invite in as a reader. But the way it breaks off counterpoints the content, and the last line really is the best one when read a second time...

    ..er.. sorry to pick out things like that, but...


    (I guess I see why your teacher freaked out, though. lol.)
     
  3. Hikaru_Youkai

    Hikaru_Youkai Registered Member

    What I love most about your writing is that it's all there. It doesn't hide anything, or try to cover truths with lies to make it seem better. When I read your stuff, a thousand emotions rush at me, and not many pieces of work do that. Personally, I like the 'Friday' one the best, because I can relate to it the most.

    Keep up the good work.
     

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