please can somebody help

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by monstertoad101, Mar 30, 2010.

  1. monstertoad101

    monstertoad101 Registered Member

    okay, well, heres the situation:

    Me and my boyfriend have been going out for quite a while, and we're happy together, i recently started bleeding a little bit and have excrutiating stomach pains. I booked an appointment to see my doctor, but 2 days before I visited the doctor, I started bleeding extremely heavily, so went to the hospital. My boyfriend couldn't come to the hospital as it was a last minute thing and he was sure it'd be nothing, so I told him it was okay, and that I would go alone.

    At the hospital, i not only found out that i was pregnant, I also found out that I had lost the baby.

    I'm not really sure how to feel. I mean, how can you miss something that you didn't know you had, and how can you get upset over something which would mean things would stay the same. My boyfriend has been great, I've been staying at his, because I haven't been able to sleep at home, and he's just cuddled me, kissed me and told me things were okay, when i've cried.

    I've always known that I would never be able to carry a baby for the full length of the pregnancy because of incidents that happened when i was younger, but i didn't think it would hurt so much to lost it.

    I really don't know what to do :( I could really do with some advice please

    Sorry if it's in the wrong place
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2010

  2. Wade8813

    Wade8813 Registered Member

    There are lots of reasons why it hurts, the primary reason probably being because of the "what might have been". You say you know you can't carry to term, but our emotions don't tend to listen to our conscious minds.

    The only advice I can think of is to let yourself grieve. It seems kind of odd, but there are lots of women who go through the same thing, and many feel that the grieving helps. Some even choose to name the baby and have some sort of memorial for it, although you might or might not want to do that.
  3. Doc

    Doc Trust me, I'm The Doctor. V.I.P.

    You can't do anything but move on.

    Some things in life can't be controlled.
  4. Jeanie

    Jeanie still nobody's bitch V.I.P. Lifetime

    Definitely let yourself grieve. You're probably sad not just because of this loss but because of the loss of the prospect of having a baby.

    I'm sorry that you're going through this. I hope that your boyfriend is a comfort to you as you're going through it.
  5. storm_ina_C_cup

    storm_ina_C_cup Registered Member

    I don't think there's really any advice I can give you apart from just telling you that it's perfectly normal for you to feel this way even though you had no idea you were pregnant and that you should allow yourself this time to let all your feelings and emotions out. Everyone is different so I can't tell you how long the grieving process will be for you but it is important that you have the love and support of your boyfriend, that in itself should help you heal faster. If you find that you're not feeling any better or you're feeling worse, I'd advise you to make an appointment with your doctor.
  6. monstertoad101

    monstertoad101 Registered Member

    thanks for all of the advice, my boyfriend has been a great help so far, and him just being there has made things feel a bit better
  7. Bliss

    Bliss Sally Twit

    I agree with Wade. Holding a memorial will help you move on. It is going to hurt. That's perfectly natural. You've gone through something very traumatic and I'm glad your boyfriend has been supporting you.
  8. Unity

    Unity #AllTogetherNowSTL Staff Member

    Sorry to hear about this Toad. :( I'll be sending thoughts/prayers/good vibes your guys' way.

    I agree about the memorial being a good idea. If you think that would help definitely pursue it. I'd also recommend some counseling if that's something you can pursue. This was all so sudden and traumatic that talking to someone professional could definitely help you through the process. A religious figure could help, as well, depending on your views or lack thereof.

    I like to think that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand it. Hopefully this is the case.

    We're all here for you, toad, whenever you need us! :)

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