We're sending you to 224 Signal Squadron "You know I told you I was over sixteen ? Well..." You've got three weeks to live The Americans will be providing the close air support. You're posted to Tidworth Your new Troop Sgt has just done P company Leave is cancelled Your dad is fucking your sister Pick up the log Step to the time I call out Do you accept my award It's character building I'm sorry, Sir, but I've had to remove your penis and both your testicles We've always done it that way! You are cordially invited to the 3 Para Mortar Platoon Rohypnol Party My office. Now. Move to Grid 12345678 where the helicopters will pick you up at 0300. Do you have anything planned for leave? It's your turn to blow the blind grenade. OK, integrity question, did you do it? I think it's yours Crack, Crack, Ping, Ping, THUMP. Sunray is down. Breaking into double time Taking you a stage further in your foot drill......... I left you in this position Rifle exercises judging the time....... Reveille 05 early hours and Drill until NAAFI break Contact, wait..out. Follow me, it's a short cut. Of course the Claymore is pointing away from us...er..which way are WE pointing ? Good effort lads, outstanding entry drills, but it's the wrong house. Has anyone seen the enemy? Right! You- Draw Fire. He's waking up, pass the KY, it's better when they fight back. GAS GAS GAS The RMP are in the block You feature rather a lot in the Christmas duty list I forgot to tell you, I've got herpes You will need this opened umberella dragged from your piss slit Don't make plans for the weekend The PRE team have just come through the gates You'll get it in theatre Is that it? We're all out of them, fill out all these forms and we will indent for them. There's an Officer in here improperly dressed... It's your round. Too slow, do it again! Standby.... CDT are here?? ONE! Two, Three, ONE!! Mr Vice...that'll be a bottle of port You're in your own time now. My tea's a salad. Shit rolls down hill. Bug out!!! Standby your beds! You're up first. Now. It's either cancer or penile warts. The RSM wants your feet in his in tray NOW. Tony needs something to whip up voter support and he's decided on another war. We're giving free lighters to Labour peers. Right, lads, this one's a silent breach. Bend over. This may smart a bit! We need a decoy.... You shure got a prurty mouth..... If it ain't raining it ain't training. Soldier, I'm the Platoon Commander, I should have the map. Right-ho chaps, I know where we are, follow me! Can you just have a quick look at my 432? More Tea Vicar Don't worry lads. I was in the RAF you know. Has anyone actually read the manual Sgt? One volunteer required! Just a shandy for me please. All leave is cancelled until morale improves. Iraq? Is that near Catterick? Mmmmm...I think it's time to PVR. You'll like Osnabruck its a great posting? The alert states gone up and we need to double the guard! Remove your canister and take a deep breath. Can I see his Conduct Sheets Sergeant Major. 14 Days Restiction of Privliges, March Out! Open your lockers? Report to the cookhouse/kitchen for DROs. Well, we finished an hour early , and as it's such a pleasant day... AGAI 67... Tony has decided to send troops to the Lebanon on peace keeping duties..... .........using UN rules of engagement........ .................with only 2 rounds each...... .....................which have to last you the whole tour! Ok lads we've got a choice. Either The US Army air corps A-10's do our close air support ... or its RAF Harriers! Greenie to the pan! Cyprus is cancelled lads. Budget cuts from LAND I'm afraid. However, we managed to get Sennybridge at short notice for April. Do you know you have glowstick on your helmet? We need you to lay this coms line... if you see the minefield your going the right way... I'm tired, you can finish yourself off... For you, Tommy, the war is over!