Phrases you'd rather not hear in the British Army

Nevyrmoore

AKA Ass-Bandit
#1
  • We're sending you to 224 Signal Squadron
  • "You know I told you I was over sixteen ? Well..."
  • You've got three weeks to live
  • The Americans will be providing the close air support.
  • You're posted to Tidworth
  • Your new Troop Sgt has just done P company
  • Leave is cancelled
  • Your dad is fucking your sister
  • Pick up the log
  • Step to the time I call out
  • Do you accept my award
  • It's character building
  • I'm sorry, Sir, but I've had to remove your penis and both your testicles
  • We've always done it that way!
  • You are cordially invited to the 3 Para Mortar Platoon Rohypnol Party
  • My office. Now.
  • Move to Grid 12345678 where the helicopters will pick you up at 0300.
  • Do you have anything planned for leave?
  • It's your turn to blow the blind grenade.
  • OK, integrity question, did you do it?
  • I think it's yours
  • Crack, Crack, Ping, Ping, THUMP.
  • Sunray is down.
  • Breaking into double time
  • Taking you a stage further in your foot drill......... I left you in this position
  • Rifle exercises judging the time.......
  • Reveille 05 early hours and Drill until NAAFI break
  • Contact, wait..out.
  • Follow me, it's a short cut.
  • Of course the Claymore is pointing away from us...er..which way are WE pointing ?
  • Good effort lads, outstanding entry drills, but it's the wrong house.
  • Has anyone seen the enemy? Right! You- Draw Fire.
  • He's waking up, pass the KY, it's better when they fight back.
  • GAS GAS GAS
  • The RMP are in the block
  • You feature rather a lot in the Christmas duty list
  • I forgot to tell you, I've got herpes
  • You will need this opened umberella dragged from your piss slit
  • Don't make plans for the weekend
  • The PRE team have just come through the gates
  • You'll get it in theatre
  • Is that it?
  • We're all out of them, fill out all these forms and we will indent for them.
  • There's an Officer in here improperly dressed...
  • It's your round.
  • Too slow, do it again!
  • Standby....
  • CDT are here??
  • ONE! Two, Three, ONE!!
  • Mr Vice...that'll be a bottle of port
  • You're in your own time now.
  • My tea's a salad.
  • Shit rolls down hill.
  • Bug out!!!
  • Standby your beds!
  • You're up first. Now.
  • It's either cancer or penile warts.
  • The RSM wants your feet in his in tray NOW.
  • Tony needs something to whip up voter support and he's decided on another war.
  • We're giving free lighters to Labour peers.
  • Right, lads, this one's a silent breach.
  • Bend over. This may smart a bit!
  • We need a decoy....
  • You shure got a prurty mouth.....
  • If it ain't raining it ain't training.
  • Soldier, I'm the Platoon Commander, I should have the map.
  • Right-ho chaps, I know where we are, follow me!
  • Can you just have a quick look at my 432?
  • More Tea Vicar
  • Don't worry lads. I was in the RAF you know.
  • Has anyone actually read the manual Sgt?
  • One volunteer required!
  • Just a shandy for me please.
  • All leave is cancelled until morale improves.
  • Iraq? Is that near Catterick?
  • Mmmmm...I think it's time to PVR.
  • You'll like Osnabruck its a great posting?
  • The alert states gone up and we need to double the guard!
  • Remove your canister and take a deep breath.
  • Can I see his Conduct Sheets Sergeant Major.
  • 14 Days Restiction of Privliges, March Out!
  • Open your lockers?
  • Report to the cookhouse/kitchen for DROs.
  • Well, we finished an hour early , and as it's such a pleasant day...
  • AGAI 67...
  • Tony has decided to send troops to the Lebanon on peace keeping duties.....
  • .........using UN rules of engagement........
  • .................with only 2 rounds each......
  • .....................which have to last you the whole tour!
  • Ok lads we've got a choice. Either The US Army air corps A-10's do our close air support ... or its RAF Harriers!
  • Greenie to the pan!
  • Cyprus is cancelled lads. Budget cuts from LAND I'm afraid. However, we managed to get Sennybridge at short notice for April.
  • Do you know you have glowstick on your helmet?
  • We need you to lay this coms line... if you see the minefield your going the right way...
  • I'm tired, you can finish yourself off...
  • For you, Tommy, the war is over!