Parodies that will never be made (but aught to)

PretzelCorps

Registered Member
#1
Come up with movie parodies that you'd like to see:

Warp the title, mix up the actors, alter the synopsis --> Whatever you like.






Santa Begins

A darker look at the origins of the jolly crusader....

When Nicholas Clause's parents are mysteriously and brutally murdered by a package-bomb at Obscure North Pole Research Station, he develops a manic fear of packages. After a long, drawn-out adventure, he finds solace under the tutelage of That Mailman Guy.

After discovering Mailman Guy is actually evil (no surprise there), Nicholas Clause beats him up and returns to the North Pole to reveal his new alter-ego: Santa Claus.

With this newfound confidence (and billions of dollars), he plans to change the world by delivering packages to children everywhere, once a year.




Christmas Knight

The (even darker!!) sequel to Santa Begins, staring Heath Ledger as The Terrorist.
 

Tucker

Lion Rampant
#2
Tucker's Top Ten


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- A Spartan warrior named Euripides Testecles suffers a massive hernia and can't make the big battle, leaving him with a silly walk and a small amount of guilt mixed with a whole lot of relief.

Silent But Deadly Hill - A young girl goes missing after having seizures and nightmares from sleeping between her parents following a dinner of meat loaf, baked beans and cauliflower.

No Country for Old Women
- Vanna White is fired from "Wheel of Fortune" for having a turkey neck and stalks Pat Sajak in a murderous rampage across several states and into Mexico.

Mary Pill Poppins - An opiate-addicted housekeeper comes into the lives of a family caught in a rut of boredom and sells their valuables for Oxycontin.

Dawn of the Deadheads
- A VW bus full of hippies on their way to a Grateful Dead concert are captured by hungry zombies but are let go when it's discovered that they have no brains.

Twilight Boned - Every person on Earth goes to see an over-hyped vampire flick and they all find out that it was predictable and generic. Hilarity ensues when Robert Pattinson is torn into little bits of jam by a crowd of millions chanting, "Give us back our 122 minutes!"

The Rugrats Hentai Movie - Barely legal Angelica Pickles is kidnapped to outer space and ravaged by a demonic Reptar with multiple waving sex organs.

Quantum Physics of Solace
- A crippled scientist in a specially modified wheelchair and armed with a gun that shoots miniature black holes sets out to thwart a crazed environmentalist's plan to take over a country's water supply. Starring Stephen Hawking as James Chairbound and some unknown French guy as eco-terrorist Dominic Greenpeace.

4ourteen - Two boxes. Two heads. Twice as many deadly sins as before. Starring Brad Pitt and Bad Pitt as depressed conjoined twin rookie cops.

Shitty Shitty Gang Bang - Trust me, you don't want to see this one.
 

elcaminojoe

Registered Member
#3

...The Rugrats Hentai Movie - Barely legal Angelica Pickles is kidnapped to outer space and ravaged by a demonic Reptar with multiple waving sex organs....
OMFG I laughed my ass off at that one.

Anyway, it's not really a parody, but I had a random idea for that movie October Sky (if you've not heard of it, it's no big deal, its a lame mushy sap movie). Anyway, by the end, the kid's dad supports him and everything is hunky-dory. i thought it would be funny if everyone blew up at the end when he is launching his model rocket. It's hard to explain...but if you've seen it, you would understand.....anyway....yeah. Idk. I feel stupid now.
 

Tucker

Lion Rampant
#4
anyway....yeah. Idk. I feel stupid now.
Oh, if only I had a nickel for every time I've said that. I'd be mud wrestling in caviar with Ashley Dupre.

You're right, your idea is more of an alternate ending than an actual parody, but it sounds like an improvement to the movie as you describe it.
 

Tucker

Lion Rampant
#6
Argh, why didn't I call it Fou4teen? Stupid honky!

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it, Pretz. The one that made me laugh when the idea hit me was the last one, but then I'm a sick pig.
 

PretzelCorps

Registered Member
#7
The Passion of Mel Gibson: A film detailing the brutal final hours of Mel Gibson's career.

NOTE - This movie is subtitled, as it was filmed entirely in Slander (to keep it in historical context).

(too bad, really - I enjoyed his movies :-/)



Scary Epic Fail Movie: After running out of ideas, this film becomes nothing more than a cash grab.

Big surprise ending, there.



Straightback Mountain (aka Children of Gay Men): In the world of the future, homosexuality rules. The issue of gay marriage became so extreme, nuclear world war was the only result. Too late, the resolution came to end the war >>> Heterosexuality has been universally banned, and is punishable by death.

The world has been reduced to a nuclear wasteland, and people have been set back hundreds of years. The population continues to die off, and no new children have been born --> A disease as a result of radiation exposure?

A pair of common ranchers, a man and woman, can hide their true feelings no more, and discover that they may, in fact, hold the key to the future of humanity........



The Number 5,318,008: After a mysterious friend shows Jim Carrey the number 5,318,008 upside-down on a calculator, he begins to see it everywhere..... But is it simply his imagination playing tricks?
 
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