Overcoming Jealousy

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by Dissociated, Oct 27, 2008.

  1. Dissociated

    Dissociated New Member

    Is there any way to actually do it? In my current relationship with my fiancee I'm getting jealous and insecure about her being around guys that I think are those types that can pull anything off, and get anyone they want. I didn't used to be like this, it was only after a lot of break-ups. How do I stop thinking like that? And can I even try?
     

  2. Oooh_snap

    Oooh_snap Living on the 0th floor V.I.P. Lifetime

    I wish I knew. I think it comes down to trust most of the time. Do you trust her? Has she done anything for you to not trust her around these guys? I always think you should trust people until they do something themselves to destroy it. It is hard to forget your past and not let what other people did to you affect your current relationships, but you have to. It isn't fair to punish someone because of other peoples actions and you don't want to push a perfectly trustworthy wonderful girl away because you are scared from what other people did to you.
     
  3. Dissociated

    Dissociated New Member

    Yeah, I trust her. I just don't want to lose her to anyone, and I think, ultimately, I'm afraid of that. She hasn't done anything, no... but it still... It's almost like I can't stop feeling like this when she talks with a guy. Always afraid that she'll find my qualities and more in someone else, I think.
     
  4. icegoat63

    icegoat63 Son of Liberty V.I.P. Lifetime

    I'd say just deal with it. Jealousy sucks. At the beginning of my relationship I was really really jealous to the point of being pissed at her talking to other guys (especially ones I didnt know). We had some altercations 'cause of it... learned from it and just kinda moved on. Things pop up every once in a while but we've both learned how to respect eachothers bounds in those situations.

    To this day I can still be a little uncomfortable about some situations but the best anecdote I've found to that jealously is to just step out of the box, think about the situation, and tell myself theres nothing to worry about, at the end of the day she'll come home to me. Alot of jealousy (at least in my case) comes from stupid insecurities. So the more I just tell myself "nope, she loves me and thats that" the better I can combat jealousy.

    Mostly just get your mind off of it, Dwelling makes Jealousy 10x worse. Lmao its so easy to dwell and let the imagination twist even the Gayest Hair Stylist into a Pornstar with your Girlfriend while you're not around. So Dont Dwell!
     
  5. Dissociated

    Dissociated New Member

    lmfao Gay hair stylist turned pornstar by the imagination. So true, too. I always tell her when I do get like that, and we work it out. But I know it must get on her nerves. Now that I think on it, though... I never tried to distract myself from those situations and just tell myself that she loves only me. I know she does, too... So stepping outside the box... sounds a lot better than a gay hair stylist ending up with my fiancee. lmao Thanks.
     
  6. AeonFlux

    AeonFlux I am the edge!

    One thing you can do that would make both you and your fiance feel good about yourselves is to sit down together and each write a list of ten (or however many) qualities the other person has that make them wonderful to you. Then whenever you start to feel jealous, or start to doubt yourself, you can pull out that list she made for you, or even just think about it, and remember all of those reasons why she loves you and why you are the man that she chose to marry over all of the other guys out there.

    Don't let the negative thoughts get to you...just push them away when they come and focus on all of the reasons why you are special to her instead.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2008
  7. mandy76

    mandy76 Registered Member

    i don't know whether it's a bad thing or not, but i used to be like this with my boyfriends and discover the best way is to stop caring... It used to drive me crazy, but then I got to a point where I just had to stop so I didn't go crazy!

    Amanda
     
  8. Bliss

    Bliss Sally Twit

    I suffer from jealousy more than anyone I know but you just have to push it to one side and get on with it. As long as there's trust in your relationship then a little bit of jealousy shouldn't hurt.
    If she's getting male attention you should just see that as a big "fuck you" to them all because you're the one she's with.
     
  9. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5


    What she said. :nod:

    It's one of the downsides of feeling lucky about having/loving someone. At one point, you do really think it's just about luck that you ended up together and anyone can have it that too. But it isn't. Your relationship is built stronger than that. You may say you're a lucky man to have her but she chose you for a lot more other solid reasons and you just need to be reminded about that.
     
  10. Dissociated

    Dissociated New Member

    That does sound like a good idea... I'll try that with her. Thanks. :)

    I'm not sure if I can necessarily stop caring, but I think I can be more confident in our relationship. What ninjakitty said (sorry, I don't know your name. Heh. :shifteyes: ) kind of makes sense to me.

    I see your point, and we do trust each other but I guess I'm just the only one in our relationship with this level of jealousy. She said she gets jealous, but not like me. I'll try to see it as that, though.

    I do sometimes kind of place that towards the back of my mind when that jealous feeling comes over me... Never thought of it as being lucky, but that makes sense too. Guess I thought it really was a roll of the dice, now that I think about it. Thanks for all the input. It really helps me out. :)
     

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