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Over-Protective Parents

Dabs

Registered Member
For those of you who do not have children yet, or may not be planning on having any, the question for you would be: Do you think you were an over-protected child, when you were younger? Do you think your parents treated you that way?
And for those of us with children of our own, are you an over-protective parent? Do it see it for yourself or do others around you notice it and tell you? I will say, I was an over-protective parent. My children can all tell you, plus my ex, plus my friends :lol: I never let anyone babysit my children. I felt no one would take care of them as well as me, so they went with me everywhere I went. I was fortunate to be a stay at home Mommy till my youngest was in the 3rd grade. So I never needed a sitter and if my husband and I did anything for vacations, etc, the children were always with us. Also, I never allowed any of my children to ride the school bus (how crazy is that). I never had much trust in any school bus, so I drove them all to school every morning, and I picked them up each afternoon.
There are other situations that would come up, where they would ask to do this or that, but I hesitated, because I had a fear they would get hurt. And in all honesty, from the time I was growing up changed much to when my children were growing up, but things seemed to have changed even a helluva lot more these days, so a parent needs to be over-protective, most of the time.
 

Wade8813

Registered Member
For those of you who do not have children yet, or may not be planning on having any, the question for you would be: Do you think you were an over-protected child, when you were younger? Do you think your parents treated you that way?
My parents were a bit overprotective, but there was some stuff that they weren't so sure about my brothers and I doing, but we were able to present our case, and they let us do it.

Of course, I'm such a chicken it almost didn't matter. My parents had to force me to learn how to ride a bike. I was perfectly happy not knowing how (and I never have roller skated/bladed, or gone skiing/snowboarding, etc).

And for those of us with children of our own, are you an over-protective parent? Do it see it for yourself or do others around you notice it and tell you? I will say, I was an over-protective parent. My children can all tell you, plus my ex, plus my friends :lol: I never let anyone babysit my children. I felt no one would take care of them as well as me, so they went with me everywhere I went. I was fortunate to be a stay at home Mommy till my youngest was in the 3rd grade. So I never needed a sitter and if my husband and I did anything for vacations, etc, the children were always with us. Also, I never allowed any of my children to ride the school bus (how crazy is that). I never had much trust in any school bus, so I drove them all to school every morning, and I picked them up each afternoon.
If I become a parent, I'd definitely struggle with overprotective tendencies. I imagine myself as the stereotyped dad who doesn't want his daughter to date until she's 30, and then only after a comprehensive background check and only if accompanied by three heavily armed bodyguards :lol:.

By the way, I'm pretty sure a bus is MUCH safer than your car. Think about it - they're in the biggest vehicle on the road. If there's a collision between a bus and a car, the car is going to be totaled, but the bus will be fine. It's just too big.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
I've always had overprotective parents and they are still that way. When I go out they call me 100 times, they want to know who I'm going out with, when I'm coming home and they also come and pick me up sometimes even if I tell them that my friend/s are taking me home.
Now that they are abroad and they're going to live in Brussels for a month or two, my mom calls me every 2 hours and has told my aunt to watch over me with whatever I do, whenever I go lol.

It's get irritating.
 

Dabs

Registered Member
I've always had overprotective parents and they are still that way. When I go out they call me 100 times, they want to know who I'm going out with, when I'm coming home and they also come and pick me up sometimes even if I tell them that my friend/s are taking me home.
Now that they are abroad and they're going to live in Brussels for a month or two, my mom calls me every 2 hours and has told my aunt to watch over me with whatever I do, whenever I go lol.

It's get irritating.

Ah, Elly...she loves you very much :)
 

Millz

Better Call Saul
Staff member
V.I.P.
I wouldn't say my parents were over-protective but they were very concerned when they'd allow me to do certain things.

I viewed it as them just being very caring and loving when they wouldn't let me ride my bike out of the sub-division. They let me do enough stuff that it never seemed like they were being over-protective. They just wanted to make sure I never got put in a bad spot.

I think for myself I would have alot of the same traits.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
Ah, Elly...she loves you very much :)
That's what they say but I'll never realize this unless I become a mother myself.
Until then, I'll always think my mom was/is over protective.
 

Wade8813

Registered Member
Ah, Elly...she loves you very much :)
They're not mutually exclusive. In fact, I would guess that most parents who are overprotective love their kids a lot.

The problem with being an overprotective parent is that it almost always does more harm than good. You might save your kid from a few scrapes and bruises, but in the process often make them resentful or rebellious; or make them emotionally unprepared to handle various situations that life will throw at them.

That's what they say but I'll never realize this unless I become a mother myself.
Until then, I'll always think my mom was/is over protective.
No, she's DEFINITELY overprotective. If you become a mom you might understand why she was overprotective, but it doesn't make her any less overprotective. She's basically stalking you.
 
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Merc

Problematic Shitlord
V.I.P.
My parents were not and I think we all turned out just fine. Hell my brother is in his freshman year at Brown paying only about 4-5% of the actual tuition. Definitely not related to my brother, sister and I.

On the topic though, my thoughts have always been this. Ever since this became an okay (or apparently necessary) thing to do years and years ago, is when we began to see a lot of youth violence. Does it correlate? Probably and I'd bet it has to do with the fact that as you grow, you naturally want to expand your boundaries and explore. As a parent, you can't just let your kid out and hope they come back at night for dinner every day of the week, but to be their personal rain cloud is what gives kids problems at a young age. You can't restrict freedoms without consequences. Sure, you may have a few that endure and turn out alright, but for the most part it's dangerous and can damage a kid irreparably.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
My parents were divorced and my Dad lived 800 miles away so he had little to do with out day-to-day life. My mom was not overprotective. She was busy with work and college and relied on babysitters. Her emphasis was more on teaching us to be trustworthy and have a strict work ethic. It wasn't very nurturing and with her own insecurities and compulsions we had more expected from us than normal.

I am a parent and I would say I'm "involved". I don't make excuses for my kids nor do I give them false praise. I rarely insert myself into their relationships unless a friend/playmate is just plain "evil" and my kids have not yet learned to recognize it. I do support them strongly in their development in that as they mature I hand over more responsibility but I don't make them do new things until they're ready. Its important to me that they not doubt themselves. Decisions are hard and once you make one it eliminates other choices. I've noticed a struggle with that, and I reassure them that there will be another chance in life to try it differently. I keep informed about what's going on in school and friends and interests but I don't dictate. My opinion and thoughts are free-flowing and they can take it or leave it. It is vital to stay alert and aware but not so that the end-goal is to control only to teach.

It's funny....I stay at home so naturally I can drive my son to school and volunteer at both schools and play with my kids and spend a lot of time with them. But women in my same position have their kids ride the bus and put them in tons of activities. Personally I don't care that they do, but there seems to be quite a bit of criticism that I drive my son to school and that we are homebodies. Recenty my 16 y/o daugher started to drive and a friend of mine thought I was "brave" to give her that kind of freedom because she doesn't think her own daughter is ready. However, this same daughter of hers has a bf that gets to sleep in the same tent when they camp together and the daughter gets cited for breaking dress code, and this sames friend's son got a U in citizenship because of cell phone use. My rules are so distinctly clear that these things would not be allowed, but my friend does think I am far too "involved".
 

Dabs

Registered Member
My parents were divorced and my Dad lived 800 miles away so he had little to do with out day-to-day life. My mom was not overprotective. She was busy with work and college and relied on babysitters. Her emphasis was more on teaching us to be trustworthy and have a strict work ethic. It wasn't very nurturing and with her own insecurities and compulsions we had more expected from us than normal.

I was what some called a "latchkey kid", I came home to an empty home every day after school. I can't remember the real early years, but in the second grade, I can recall coming home, letting myself in, and I usually sat down and watched Tv, because my Mother would always tell me when she got home, she would find me sitting in front of the Tv, crying :lol:- I was watching Lassie! I always cried over that show, makes me feel silly now.
But, I never wanted that for my children. I know my parents had to work, and I was lucky enough to not work until my youngest child was about in the 3rd grade. And even after I did find work, I still worked it around so I took them all to school, and picked them up. I would definitely label myself as over-protective.
Still am too. Now that I have grandchildren, and one in my custody, I still find I can't seem to let the 'leash' go too far. And let's face it, times have changed, you can't let a child in the 2nd grade walk home from school in this day and age, like I did when I was a child. Jada (my granddaughter) will be 12, and I won't let her walk home, and you can see the top of her school from our porch! I take her to school every morning before I head off to my direction. And I am back here by the time her school let's out and she waits for me to pick her up. Even with cell phones and all the technology crappus they have now, I'm too afraid something could go wrong, something I could have prevented, so I try and take every precaution there is. Even if it means being over-protective.
And Shelgarr, omg I am dreading when Jada turns 16. She is already eyeing the new Mustangs. I don't even want to think about her driving yet :lol:
 
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