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No trust

sugar_lump

Registered Member
I have ended me and my partners 3 year relationship today because there is no trust anymore.
At the beginning of the relationship, he cheated on me with his ex AND lied about it- it took a lot of digging to find out the truth, I ended it then after weeks and weeks of grovelling I took him back. I got pregnant (not planned as I didn't think I could have babies) and now my daughter is 20 months old.

To cut a long story short,
He was sat on the laptop chatting to someone on a social networking site last night, when I asked who he was talking to he said it was one of his ex's from years ago. This immediately got my interest and I took the laptop off him and read the conversation they had been having.
Well.... needless to say I didn't like what I found.
They had been planning to go to a concert together with a few other of her friends and she was talking about getting some 'coke' so they could have a good time. My other half said he doesn't do coke but he would have a good time as long as she got her tits out. Then there was other stuff that was said in the conversation that I didn't like.
I threw the laptop at him and told him it was over.

I can't trust him anymore.

He said that he wasn't really going to go to this concert, he just said yes because she was nagging him to go. If he didn't want to go then why couldn't he have been a man and stand up to her and say no thank you.

So to cut a long story short, i'm leaving him and he knows this. I have to stay in this house with him as I have nowhere to go so I'm staying here till I find a place of my own.
He is at work today but he keeps texting me begging me not to go and that he loves me and that he wasn't planning on going (but how am I to know that?). It's really hard because I do love him and we have a daughter together. I hope I'm doing the right thing.
Any opinions/advice?? Or has someone here been through something similar??
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
A cheater is always a cheate. I think you took the right decision.
He can't play you like a fool anymore. It was about time!
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
Yeah, you are right to give up on him. He is not taking his life with you seriously. Given he's the dad, you might consider him in the future. He has to get his shit together, and prove he can be a good bf/husband/partner/father. For now though he sucks. It's not a life anyone should have.
 

idisrsly

I'm serious
V.I.P.
You gave him a second chance after the first time he cheated on you. I would have done the same. But now it's definitely time to move on. Forget whether he was going to cheat on you or not, the fact that you do not trust him anymore is reason enough for this to now come to an end. If the trust is gone, the relationship will never be the same.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Everyone deserves better. Good luck and be strong.
 

PretzelCorps

Registered Member
:disbelief: It gets harder and harder to hear about all the 'chances' sub-men get, when I know so many good, trust-worthy people who've been single almost their entire lives. You would be silly to even give him another inch. There are better people out there.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
I wish you the courage to do what you know you have to do. You have had issues with him from the start. I looked back at your threads from 2008 and last year, and they seem to be red flags. Unless your dynamics change, this isn't gonna get better. That's how I feel about your situation. Bon courage!
 

Shwa

Well-Known Member
V.I.P.
I mean even if you hadn't seen the conversation between him and his ex, I'm sure you would have found out another way, but I mean you caught him red handed. That's enough to say the actions were legit, so I think you made the right choice. If he wasn't honest enough to say "hey, I think we need to separate and go out separate ways" and be up front about it, despite having the kid, it could have gone down a lot differently. But my honest opinion, he got busted and can't be trusted. Good for you for throwing the laptop btw! :D

~Shwa
 

sugar_lump

Registered Member
Thanks for the replies, I know i'm doing the right thing.
Last night he went out with his mate, come back drunk (he doesn't drink often). I nosied through his phone and he had sent a message to his mate saying 'if she asks we have gone to the pub, i've actually gone to shag 'girls name') not saying the girls name but I know her and used to meet up with her so our babies could play cos they are the same age.
This has more or less sealed it for me, he just keeps digging himself deeper and I can't wait to get out of his house!
 

JBean32

New Member
I have to admit that the replys on here are very black and white, the truth of the matter is far different.
If you ask me then the fact that he's begging you to come back is a good sign. We've all had these occasions where we've agreed to do something when you really wont.
Men mess things up all the time. that's just how we are, but we do get better behaved over time.
you have a child together and if there's love between you then everything in between can be patched up. you woman are here to sort us men out after all.

Sugarlump hang in there, Don't do anything rash because Id bet that he does love you alot and you'll get there with him.
 

JBean32

New Member
Just a quick addition.

The reason I say this is because I was TERRIBLE when I was a bit younger.
I have been married for 5 years now and I have been with my partner for nearly 10 years. The first 3/4 years of our relationship were rocky at best because I cheated on her twice, lied about really stupid things and was to nieave to realise that some of the people I talked to were causing trouble.

She walked out on me numerouse times because of my actions and I knew I had to change because I just knew that she was "The One".
Everybody doubted me and said I wasnt worth it but I hung in there, after I managed to get her to give me another last chance I pulled myself together and with her help I changed into a mature none lying, none cheating man who she consiquently married and had 2 more children with.

We have not had any major problems for a years now, My point is I can relate to you're situation. all may seem lost and there is no hope but people do change especially for the people they love.

if you want to make it work, set him some ground rules (it may seem nasty or you think you shouldnt have to, but with children involved they need both of you)
I do hope you two can work things out.

James
 
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